It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Caregivers Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-05-2009, 03:31 PM   #1
Registered User
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Lawrenceville, Georgia
Posts: 1
angela533 HB User
best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

how is the best way to tell your Father, he needs to be in a nursing home

 
Old 04-06-2009, 08:38 AM   #2
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Umatilla, Florida, USA
Posts: 19
hectaffy HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

Does your Father not have anyone to care for him at home?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-06-2009, 02:21 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Burnet, Texas USA
Posts: 4,313
Misty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

We may be of more help with answers to a few questions.

How old is your Father.
Is he living alone now?
What health problems does he have.
What is his mental condition?
Is he handicapped, can't walk, etc.
Who is taking care of him now.
Is he able to take bath by himself?
Is he able to fix a bite to eat?
How is his vision? Does he still read, etc.?
How far away do other relatives live?

 
Old 09-25-2009, 01:15 PM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 103
Pittsburgh_Flye HB UserPittsburgh_Flye HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

If the OP doesn't mind, I'm going to ask the same question of people, with answers to the following questions:

How old is your Father.
79

Is he living alone now?
He lives with me, in my home, with my young daughter.

What health problems does he have.
He has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer that has metastasized to the liver and elsewhere.

What is his mental condition?
Not too shabby for his age and condition.

Is he handicapped, can't walk, etc.
No, not yet.

Who is taking care of him now.
He's self-sufficient at this point, but I fear weeks/months/perhaps years down the road he is going to require more care than I can provide for him. We are still waiting for what treatment options for the cancer, if any, are available to him (we have not received the biopsy report yet staging the cancer and exactly which type of lung cancer it is)

Is he able to take bath by himself? Yes, but he doesn't. Despite my constant nagging, he's had but 1 bath in 3 months, I'm sure of it. And disgusted about it.

Is he able to fix a bite to eat? Yes.

How is his vision? Does he still read, etc.? Yes.

How far away do other relatives live? Ha. There are none. Just me. No siblings...nothing but me.

There is going to come a time where I am going to have to broach the subject of his living in an assisted living place and I just don't know how to go about it in a sensitive way, plus, "kicking him out" when he would need me the most kills me; however, I am not suited to work full time, raise a young child, maintain my home and life and be a caregiver. I know I cannot do it.

Any suggestions based on what I've disclosed?

 
Old 09-25-2009, 04:21 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Burnet, Texas USA
Posts: 4,313
Misty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

Thanks for answers to the questions.

Your dad is still young and able to still do things. Age 79 is not considered old anymore, most are still able bodied folks. This may change soon due to his cancer diagnosis.

Sounds like your dad is able to do most of his care. Don't fret about his not taking a bath, that comes with age or just being lazy. Tell him this is the morning or night for a bath and he can do it by himself or you will bathe him. Designate a schedule for a bath and stick to it. I took my dad in and bathed him from head to toe, he was 98.

I have been a caregiver and know what you mean about not being able to take care of someone else when they become ill.

People with lung cancer do not last very long, maybe a year. My sister had lung cancer and that was about the length of time for her. Since your dad has lung cancer and already in other areas there will come a time in the near future he will need to be in the hospital and then the doctor can have him moved to a nursing home or hospice. This will keep you from being the bad guy. You may want to delay the move for a while and enjoy him as he is for the time being. I lost both my parents a month apart and it is very hard to give them up.

God bless you,

 
Old 10-02-2009, 10:56 AM   #6
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Hempstead, TX
Posts: 7
Beegel HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone above, including the OP.

I have a mother who suffered a Subarachnoid Hemorrhage when she was 49. She is now almost 60 and she is back at home. I am kind of going through the same thing... It's very hard to take care of her, because she basically refuses to do anything but watch daytime TV and sleep.

I don't want to put her into a nursing home, especially at such a young age, but I find it extremely hard to take care of her, and she is starting to develop alzheimer-like symptoms.

Anyways.. Reading the above thread helped me understand that others are going thru similar situations and not to give up. I guess it's just part of being a caregiver.
__________________
~~~~~

I like to grow my own food.

 
Old 10-02-2009, 11:26 AM   #7
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 103
Pittsburgh_Flye HB UserPittsburgh_Flye HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

Quote:
Originally Posted by Misty800 View Post
Thanks for answers to the questions.

Your dad is still young and able to still do things. Age 79 is not considered old anymore, most are still able bodied folks. This may change soon due to his cancer diagnosis.

Sounds like your dad is able to do most of his care. Don't fret about his not taking a bath, that comes with age or just being lazy. Tell him this is the morning or night for a bath and he can do it by himself or you will bathe him. Designate a schedule for a bath and stick to it. I took my dad in and bathed him from head to toe, he was 98.

I have been a caregiver and know what you mean about not being able to take care of someone else when they become ill.

People with lung cancer do not last very long, maybe a year. My sister had lung cancer and that was about the length of time for her. Since your dad has lung cancer and already in other areas there will come a time in the near future he will need to be in the hospital and then the doctor can have him moved to a nursing home or hospice. This will keep you from being the bad guy. You may want to delay the move for a while and enjoy him as he is for the time being. I lost both my parents a month apart and it is very hard to give them up.

God bless you,
Thank you for your reply.

We officially got the diagnosis - lung cancer; however, it's attacking his liver more than his lungs (small cell) and the oncologist told me that he's actually shocked he's doing as well as he is given the condition of his liver. Without treatment my dad was only given 2 months to live.

My father has since decided to pursue treatment since the doctor told him this is a lighter form of chemo, completely unlike what my mom had to endure with colon cancer. It's not expected that chemo will "cure" the cancer, rather, buy him some more time in slowing down the ravenous spread. So I'm feeling a little more steady about everything, I guess.

As for bathing him, I am remiss to admit that is simply not an option for me personally. Emotionally I cannot look past the awkwardness of seeing my father naked and bathing him. I cannot be a full on caregiver in that regard. It is something that I have known for a long time and even discussed with my mother in detail, as she was the same way about her father.

I go thru waves of extreme nervousness because of my personal inabilities and fears, as well as not wanting to expose my young daughter to it all. More over, I am the only child, essentially, literally!, his only family and all decisions fall exclusively on me. I will most definitely keep him home as long as he's receiving the best care, etc. But once I feel I am failing him in that I can't provide for his care, I will have to seek other options...it's just going to break my heart to tell him that and fail him as a child and "caregiver," you know?


 
Old 10-03-2009, 12:03 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Burnet, Texas USA
Posts: 4,313
Misty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

He should be eligible for home nurse & aide visits. Not sure where to check into this other than a hospital's social service. The aide would take care of bathing him.

 
Old 10-05-2009, 07:55 AM   #9
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 103
Pittsburgh_Flye HB UserPittsburgh_Flye HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

He starts chemo today and while at the doctor's office I am going to see about getting in-home nursing care to check in on him. It's naive of me to think I can be away from my home as much as I am with him in it and not have someone look in on him now.

We'll start with that and wait to see how things transpire over the next days....weeks...months and make decisions accordingly.

Last edited by Pittsburgh_Flye; 10-05-2009 at 07:57 AM.

 
Old 10-08-2009, 05:47 AM   #10
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Philly Suburbs
Posts: 18
pretzel146 HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

Hi,

If I may offer a couple of suggestions.

First, if you haven't already, please contact your county Area Agency on Aging. They are a great resource for finding the best services available.

Also, look into assisted living facilities over a nursing home. They offer a more independant lifestyle and from what I've read, your father only needs limited help.

 
Old 10-24-2009, 09:10 PM   #11
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 35
Rosaflor HB User
Re: best way to tell your Father he needs to be in a nursing home

Angela, see if you can get some help from the medical professionals who treat your father. At some point in his diagnosis of cancer, the biopsy etc an oncologist (cancer doctor) may have been involved. He or she deals with this kind of problem all the time; make an appointment to talk with him or her. Also, if a hospital is in any way involved, there will be a social worker on staff. Again, make an appointment. Consultation with family should be covered by medical insurance when it involves the care of a cancer patient. Finally, get in touch with your local chapter of the American Cancer Society. Someone there may be able to help you. Taking solo care of an end-stage cancer patient is an overwhelming job and nobody should expect you to do this on your own. What do they think, that you are Superman and can do 24 hours a day what it takes three shifts of trained nurses to do? There is help out there.

Last edited by Rosaflor; 10-24-2009 at 09:12 PM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
How do tell FIL he needs to be in a home. rosariared Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 15 11-04-2007 12:07 PM
how do I tell parent, time for nursing home? tugguy Caregivers 3 07-25-2007 12:16 PM
Advice on Father Please lzing2 Caregivers 8 05-14-2007 03:43 PM
best way to stop taking oxycotin mdp3 Pain Management 13 12-24-2006 12:30 PM
I think nursing home is trying to keep my father. Gwenny2 Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 6 05-31-2006 03:33 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (5), ibake&pray (3), Titchou (2), Seraph (2), Sandy Caregiver (2), Harry (1), tamiloo (1), pupcake (1), dixiemidwife (1), Sarahbells (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1182), MSJayhawk (1015), Apollo123 (913), Titchou (862), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (760), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:17 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!