i'm very glad that healthboards has a caregiver board! i actually need advice for my parents.
here's the situation;
my elderly grandmother has been living with my parents and i since i was 2. even when she was at home she was very demanding, verbally abusive and is convinced that my mother (her daughter-in-law) MUST take care of her. its her job as a woman. (as a side note my mother is a professional who is very respected for her intelligence and skills, so is my dad
) I left home at 18 because she was beginning to make the same demands to me.
Last year she had a major stroke and is unable to walk, relieve herself, cook, etc, without assistance. she spent about 9 months in a nursing home/hospital and has now been transfered to an actually nursing home, which has the best reputation in town.
She is constantly laying "guilt trips" on my parents, especially my dad who is a very sensitive man, and now my parents are not sure what to do. she constantly tells my father he's a bad son and should be ashamed of leaving his mother for "dead" and that his father (who passed away before i was born) would be ashamed as well.
She stopped laying these guilt trips on me because i would simply give her a kiss and leave for the day, refusing to hear it.
I feel so bad for my father!! my parents are very logical and understand that the best place for her to be is somewhere with constant care but my father is still torn up emotionally and my mother is not sure how to counsel him. To top everything off, my grandmother and father both have volatile tempers when emotionally hurt. presently they are not talking to each other as they had a big blow out 3 days ago (my parents visit her everyday).
I'm not sure what to do about this or even which avenues to explore.
I'm sure some one here has been in a similar situation. can anyone help with some advice?
I just want to note here to that for a child, my grandmother was the best one around and i love her very much. i don't want to resent her and don't want my parents to either.