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Old 05-23-2009, 07:49 AM   #1
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TYRONE1152 HB User
Caregiver depression

My brother has bee an epileptic since he was 9 years old. He's now 65 and lives with my mother who is 92. He needs someone to watch him because he passes out at least once a week. My mother always expected me to take care of him and have him live in my home. I agreed when I was in my twenty's but now that I'm 56 with a wife and family I don't want to give up my freedom. I told my mom that I would get someone to live with him, but she"s laying a quilt trip on me that I broke my promise. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Feeling guilty

 
Old 09-25-2009, 07:57 AM   #2
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kenbob71 HB Userkenbob71 HB Userkenbob71 HB Userkenbob71 HB Userkenbob71 HB User
Re: Caregiver depression

First thing. Don't let anyone (even your mom) guilt you into anything. I suspect you were "guilted" into the agreement in your 20's, anyway.

Having been a caregiver for my wife for a year and a half before she died, I can tell you that it is the most stressful thing I"ve ever been thru. And I knew the end was not far away. I cannot imagine looking forward that the next ???? years if my life would be like that.

It will destroy your marriage, your work life, forget about a social life. Caregiving WILL BECOME your life. And you are way too young for that to happen. You will feel like you are in a prison and resent every minute of it.

There are other care possibilities out there. Explore them and find one that will help you fulfill your responsibilities to your brother, but that will be fair to you and your family.

K

 
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Old 09-25-2009, 12:48 PM   #3
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Pittsburgh_Flye HB UserPittsburgh_Flye HB User
Re: Caregiver depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by kenbob71 View Post
First thing. Don't let anyone (even your mom) guilt you into anything. I suspect you were "guilted" into the agreement in your 20's, anyway.

Having been a caregiver for my wife for a year and a half before she died, I can tell you that it is the most stressful thing I"ve ever been thru. And I knew the end was not far away. I cannot imagine looking forward that the next ???? years if my life would be like that.

It will destroy your marriage, your work life, forget about a social life. Caregiving WILL BECOME your life. And you are way too young for that to happen. You will feel like you are in a prison and resent every minute of it.

There are other care possibilities out there. Explore them and find one that will help you fulfill your responsibilities to your brother, but that will be fair to you and your family.

K
I couldn't add anymore than what's already been said here, especially the part of letting go of the guilt your mother is putting on you.

Not only will caregiving become your life while you're DOING it, it's with you and burdens your emotionally AFTER the fact as well.

 
Old 11-18-2009, 07:17 PM   #4
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sickofpain2 HB Usersickofpain2 HB User
Re: Caregiver depression

Caregiver burnout is common and because you are so wrapped up in the care giving for someone else, you often forget about yourself. It is not uncommon for caregivers to get sick or even get diseases because of the stress involved.

 
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