Senior Member (male)
Join Date: Dec 2007
Hi Miller. Thanks so much for coming here and posting your situation. Just know that people on here - are extremely insightful. Their opinions are strictly based on their, "own personal experiences," (Friends, Family, or even themselves) that have led them down the same, "long, endless," path that you're referring to...
But under NO circumstance - is there a, "right," way of handling these illnesses... And everything that I will write - and everything that other people will write; is strictly based on opinions...
(I'm going to sound brutal when I say what I'm about to say... Just know that I DO understand what you're going through. And what I'm going to say - is based on opinion as well... Through insight and personal experience. I can only HOPE that what I have to say - will imbed itself into your mind. Because in my situation - if people were to know what I am about to tell you - it would have / could have; prevented alot of unecessary drama / negativity)
...First off - I suppose the best advice anyone could give you - is what you have already - given yourself... (At least - I HOPE you have) At the END of your post - you stated something along the lines of, "People say they understand, that they have sympathy - but they don't understand that this will keep going and going - on an endless path..."
The thing with mental illness... There's NO END. There's NO CURE. There's no way to, "fix," the problem. DENIAL is a funny thing - and getting over it - is the FIRST step to recovery... And THAT - is NOT ONLY - for the people who ARE experiencing psychosis... (Your daughter) Its ALSO for the people who CARE for the mentally ill. (Yourself, your husband, children, friends, etc) In order for you to help your daughter - you must realize - that there is no cure. The only cure - is to accept that somedays are good... And unfortunately; the rest are worse. The sooner YOU, and your FAMILY - realize that... The easier things will become; to cope with.
Now. I suppose you came on here - already having dealt first hand; with mental illness... Otherwise you wouldn't have stumbled across the healthboards website like the way you have - and wrote for help.
The kind of help that you're asking for, and the amount that you need - you're daughter is asking for ten fold... She not only wants it... She NEEDS it... Behind ever delusion, behind every scream, every tear - is a child; "DESPERATE FOR HELP!" And she needs YOUR help... She needs all of your help. She's stuck; and her only escape is through the, "unconditional love," that comes from the people whom love her the most... (You)
If there's one thing that anyone whose mentally ill would want their families and friends to know, when times are bad... It would be...
"We hurt the people we love the most."
Something else you need to realize; you DO need to take care of you... But its times like these; when people have to FIND a way, "Deep within themselves," to set aside their own issues - for the, "right," reason(s)... And in your situation... Honestly... The, "right," thing to do - is to help your daughter the best you can with what you have. Anything more - is going to take from you're own sanity. That is something your daughter cannot control. [B]This illness has control over her - one thing to keep in mind... [/B]"It is NOT your daughters fault..." NOR, "Is it your fault..." Its NO ONES FAULT.
If there are ever days - when you doubt if your daughter is aware of the things you do for her... Don't... Don't ever doubt the amount of insight people with mental illness's have. She knows. You'll catch it in glimpses... Often times - when you least expect it... A card... A hug.. A glance, a smirk, a smile. A twinkle in the eye. She knows - she loves you more than you could possibly imagine. And do you know why? Because she sees - just how much you have to put up with... And when she's out of control - part of what bothers her the most; what comes out as psychosis... Is really her own insight into the amount of trouble she is causing - for the people whom she loves the most... The guilt. The uncontrollable guilt - the illness that continues to cause her to do the things that she truly, "DOES NOT WANT TO DO..." She wants out. She does. She hurts - she hurts.
There are NO answers behind mental illness. There never will be. Its all about hopping onto the, "roller coaster," - and hanging on for dear life... Day to day, in the present moment - taking things on - one stride at a time. Surprising yourself everyday - with the amount patience you need to have... And somehow manage to enjoy the ride while it lasts... Through all the ups and downs, the lefts and rights - the path is set - and you know where it goes... In an endless loop - a cycle upon which you are inclined to endure (As a MOM, but also a GUARDIAN) until the day the ride ends. And when you think you are facing, "FEAR," straight in the face - know that you don't know the amount of FEAR that your daughter is experiencing.
Perhaps somedays - you want things to end... For all these issues to just, "go away..." Well. Be careful what you wish for. Unfortunately; that happens - ALOT. Especially with mentally ill people... And you truly never miss something - until it's gone.
I think you know what I'm talking about...
The hardest thing you're going to deal with - is seeing your daughter in her psychotic state, and then for her to return to her, "normal," self. Sometimes we try to explain things in words... But often times - words are just not enough to describe the amount of emotion; pain, anger, happiness, confusion, paranoia, joy - that is involved with mental illness... Perhaps that is why there is no cure. There is no fate but what we make, one day at a time - on a roller coaster, up - down; all around. You've gotta decide whether you want to go along for the ride. Only problem is - once you've decided to, "hop on..." You can't jump off until the ride stops, or until the roller coaster crashes, and you fall off... I only know one thing for sure - hold on for dear life... For yours, for your daughters... Eventually the ride will become smoother - and all the quick movements will disappear. Things will get easier.
There IS light at the end of the tunnel. Not only for you... Hold on tight to what you have NOW - and NEVER let go.
Last edited by 8800GTS; 12-02-2009 at 08:56 PM.