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Old 08-03-2010, 11:13 AM   #1
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lauren34 HB User
Red face caregiver living with parents

hi, i am in my 30s and living with parents ( i know thats bad). I live with them because they are both disabled and need a lot of help. I dont work because caregiving takes most of my time. I am just wondering sometimes i feel like i am ripping them off living at home this long and not paying rent also they give me a hundred to two hundred a month for helping out. Am i doing something wrong? I do all the cooking, housework, take care of medication and all daily needs that require help. thanks for opinions

 
Old 08-04-2010, 10:07 AM   #2
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arogerskid HB User
Re: caregiver living with parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by lauren34 View Post
hi, i am in my 30s and living with parents ( i know thats bad). I live with them because they are both disabled and need a lot of help. I dont work because caregiving takes most of my time. I am just wondering sometimes i feel like i am ripping them off living at home this long and not paying rent also they give me a hundred to two hundred a month for helping out. Am i doing something wrong? I do all the cooking, housework, take care of medication and all daily needs that require help. thanks for opinions

NO! If you are giving your parents love, care, doing housework, cooking, washing clothes, running errands etc then you are definitely not "living off your parents."

If you were to call a home health agency and a maid service for estimates for the activities they perform, I truly believe that you would discover that purchasing those services to replace you would consume not only a larger portion of your parents funds but quite possibly some of your salary. That is not to say that you should not ever consider additional help when you need it...just be aware of the "monetary value" of your loving care.

In many cases, I'd wager that family can provide an emotional connection that is far more important than just the physical care that can be purchased.

I made the choice to work and finish college while I was taking care of my parents. My regret was that I did not "stay home" more.

Bless you and take care of yourself TOO!

 
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Old 08-05-2010, 11:17 AM   #3
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lauren34 HB User
Re: caregiver living with parents

thanks for the reply i feel better. I guess i need to ignore family members who think i am ripping them off and stop feeling guilty. thanks again

 
Old 08-19-2010, 06:46 AM   #4
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coggles HB User
Re: caregiver living with parents

Hi Lauren,
I'm not sure where you are, but do you know you can probably apply for a carer's pension, or at least an allowance from the government, for looking after your parents? It might ease your financial situation and your feelings of guilt, so please look into it. And don't feel guilty about taking money from the government - without live-in caregivers, it would cost them a lot more to pay for your parents being in a nursing home.
As for feeling bad about living with your parents at 30, you're providing care for them! I'm 61 and my 87 year old Mum lives with me because she's in a wheelchair, and I get a full pension because I can't work as a result of giving her full time care.
Don't make life any more difficult for yourself, you already have your hands full looking after them, and a little more money might mean you can afford to get someone in occasionally to take time off or even have a vacation!

 
Old 10-03-2010, 02:50 PM   #5
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nellabella HB User
Re: caregiver living with parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by lauren34 View Post
thanks for the reply i feel better. I guess i need to ignore family members who think i am ripping them off and stop feeling guilty. thanks again
No matter what you do there will always be jealous people. As long as you are true to yourself that is all that matters. Ignore the negativity. Taking care of elderly parents is not an easy job. I had to learn how to be a nurse. So what if your parents give you money. Giving you money makes them feel good. My dad use to sometimes give me 20 bucks now and then and I could see it in his eyes that it made him feel good doing something nice for me in return. Its hard for parents to ask their children for help. My dad was always independent and when he had to depend on me for everything - it was hard for him. Giving me money to buy a pair of shoes for myself made him feel we were both helping each other.

 
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