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Old 10-03-2010, 12:30 PM   #1
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I cared for my father with no help

My father asked me to move into his home and be his caregiver. i have two sisters who were unable to do it and since I was newly divorced - I moved in with my father and took care of him. He was using a walker and wasn't able to do a lot of things for himself. He went from a walker to a wheelchair and got progressively worse. I lived with my father for two years and took care of him 24/7 with no help from anyone - not even my two sisters. My only help was Hospice which was available a week before dad passed away. My father died from Parkinson's and a weak heart. I have an abdominal hernia from lifting my dad which was operated on once but the hernia returned. Its not a small hernia. I look like I'm pregnant. Anyway to get to my point - I'm living in my fathers house because I have no where else to go. I pay the bills on the house. My father left his house to me and my two sisters. My uncle is the executor and wants to sell the house to settle the estate. He doesn't know anything about being a real estate agent and just stuck a for sale sign on the lawn. He wants the commission for selling dads house. My uncle and sisters want to kick me out of dads house because I don't pay any rent even though I pay the bills on the house. I don't feel I should be paying rent because I took care of dad with no help from anyone. Its not my fault the housing market is slow and my uncle doesn't know how to be a real estate agent. They taped an eviction letter to the door of dads house and they are telling me I have a month to move out or they will take me to court at my expense. Can they do that to me?

Last edited by nellabella; 10-03-2010 at 12:34 PM.

 
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Old 10-03-2010, 01:05 PM   #2
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Re: I cared for my father with no help

Hi there well this is not legal advice but my opinion is that because the uncle is the executor that he can do that. However, it would be up to the court as to the final decision. If your dad left anything in the will for you then things can be decided that way. You say your dad left the house to you and your two sisters and technically if that is in writing they have a share in it financially and it could be sold if that is what the court decides. Since you took care of him it would be hoped that the judge might have some sympathy for you, if you don't get angry in the courtroom and stay calm the judge just might give you a bit of an edge you otherwise would not have. He is human after all. Sometimes however they deal very strictly on what is written no matter how people seem to conduct themselves. It seems to me some work pay should be rendered to you for what was done.

 
Old 10-03-2010, 01:38 PM   #3
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Re: I cared for my father with no help

Quote:
Originally Posted by sjb View Post
Hi there well this is not legal advice but my opinion is that because the uncle is the executor that he can do that. However, it would be up to the court as to the final decision. If your dad left anything in the will for you then things can be decided that way. You say your dad left the house to you and your two sisters and technically if that is in writing they have a share in it financially and it could be sold if that is what the court decides. Since you took care of him it would be hoped that the judge might have some sympathy for you, if you don't get angry in the courtroom and stay calm the judge just might give you a bit of an edge you otherwise would not have. He is human after all. Sometimes however they deal very strictly on what is written no matter how people seem to conduct themselves. It seems to me some work pay should be rendered to you for what was done.

Thank you for your answer. I can't believe my uncle and sisters can be so cruel to me and take me to court for not paying them rent. I didn't ask my sisters to pay me for taking care of our dad. Also I am allowing them to sell the house and settle the estate. If it weren't from me - dad would have gone to a nursing home - the state would have taken the house and they would have nothing to fight over. I guess I will have to wait until I have to go to court and will try not to break down and cry and get upset. Thank you again.

Last edited by nellabella; 10-03-2010 at 01:41 PM.

 
Old 10-03-2010, 02:24 PM   #4
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Re: I cared for my father with no help

Hi there! another thing I thought of is that perhaps instead of fighting over it in court is that maybe you might consider letting them have their way to retain family relationship at your financial loss. The love of money is the root of all evil it has been said. Of course everything you do and say is your decision anyway, and may or may not be used against you or for you depending on your choices now.

 
Old 10-03-2010, 02:46 PM   #5
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Re: I cared for my father with no help

Quote:
Originally Posted by sjb View Post
Hi there! another thing I thought of is that perhaps instead of fighting over it in court is that maybe you might consider letting them have their way to retain family relationship at your financial loss. The love of money is the root of all evil it has been said. Of course everything you do and say is your decision anyway, and may or may not be used against you or for you depending on your choices now.
What family relationship? I don't see one and there never was a family relationship. What if I move out and they allow someone else to move in and they get their rent from another person? Plus the bills will still have to be paid on the house (taxes electricity insurance etc). No one is taking care of the house but me. I maintain the house (lawn landscaping cleaning etc). None of this makes sense to me. My sisters pay rent where they are living so maybe they are jealous I dont pay rent. There is a lot of jealousy in my family. I forgot to mention that my one sister lived with dad before I did. She's an alcoholic and was spending money on alcohol instead of food. She was arrested for physically assulting him. She wasn't buying food for dad and was also mentally abusing him as well. Can you tell me what their case is for eviction? Just curious ...

Last edited by nellabella; 10-03-2010 at 03:11 PM.

 
Old 10-04-2010, 09:59 AM   #6
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Re: I cared for my father with no help

Hi there! Well let's see, um I am not an expert on relationships. I suppose relationships that have been broken down eventually can change since I have read accounts of peoples lives changing for the better. I have read that we should do to others what we want done to us. I have read that we should please our neighbor. I have read that with what measure we give it will be given to us again. With that in mind If we look for and give pleasure to others it will come back to us in the way that we give it. I have read that we should not envy, be busybodies argue or complain or be bossy. I have read that we should keep our language clean. I have read that we should be kind. I try to ask wisdom from above. Someone once told me you cannot teach a person if they do not want to be taught. The teaching must be done when the mind is open to the teaching and it must be good moral things only. God has promised to plead the cause of the oppressed so we should never be the oppressor. If you are oppressed God will plead your cause but it should never be said in an angry retort lest you be the person who is the oppressor and God plead their cause instead of yours. God sees all things and knows everything that happens. As far as alcohol goes... Alanon is for people who don't drink but have family members who do and want support. I don't drink to be a good example to others nor do I use illegal substances. I have made some other posts on alcohol in my thread if you are interested in looking at them I will go back to look for their number or you can look them up if you want.

 
Old 10-04-2010, 02:01 PM   #7
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Re: I cared for my father with no help

Quote:
Originally Posted by sjb View Post
Hi there! Well let's see, um I am not an expert on relationships. I suppose relationships that have been broken down eventually can change since I have read accounts of peoples lives changing for the better. I have read that we should do to others what we want done to us. I have read that we should please our neighbor. I have read that with what measure we give it will be given to us again. With that in mind If we look for and give pleasure to others it will come back to us in the way that we give it. I have read that we should not envy, be busybodies argue or complain or be bossy. I have read that we should keep our language clean. I have read that we should be kind. I try to ask wisdom from above. Someone once told me you cannot teach a person if they do not want to be taught. The teaching must be done when the mind is open to the teaching and it must be good moral things only. God has promised to plead the cause of the oppressed so we should never be the oppressor. If you are oppressed God will plead your cause but it should never be said in an angry retort lest you be the person who is the oppressor and God plead their cause instead of yours. God sees all things and knows everything that happens. As far as alcohol goes... Alanon is for people who don't drink but have family members who do and want support. I don't drink to be a good example to others nor do I use illegal substances. I have made some other posts on alcohol in my thread if you are interested in looking at them I will go back to look for their number or you can look them up if you want.
I am in alanon and learned to either live with the alcoholic or leave and don't go back. My whole family abuse alcohol. I don't know what happened to me but I never abused alcohol or drugs. My uncle is a drinker and my sisters are drinkers. Also my sisters have personality disorders and are passive aggressive. I know that anger and fighting excite them. My uncle is 85 and put his wife in a nursing home so he can keep working. He doesnt need the money. He buys expensive cars and TVs. My plan was to get far away from my family after dads estate is settled but maybe I will leave before and let them have my inheritance since they want it that badly.

Last edited by nellabella; 10-04-2010 at 02:03 PM.

 
Old 10-04-2010, 02:58 PM   #8
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Re: I cared for my father with no help

well whatever happens I wish you eternal life in heaven take care. May God help you make right choices!

 
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