It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Caregivers Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-16-2010, 03:18 AM   #1
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 80
jamesinUK HB User
asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother

Hi, part of this question isnít for this section but i hope someone can offer some advice.

A friend has recently lost her father, which she is finding very difficult to deal with, there is also an added issue which she now has to deal with. Her mum is also pretty poorly, she has mental health issues as far as i know, she finds it hard doing a lot on her own, although her mum used to do some things, since the dad died she seems to need everything doing for her, my friend also said her mum wonít accept that he has died.

Her mum isnít eating much at all, and wonít go out or do anything by herself, she also says a lot she wants to die.

My friend has had to quit her full time job to look after her mum not 24/7, which is a big blow to her, plus one of the biggest issues is my friend hasnít gotten over her dad and needs time for that and feels pretty helpless about everything, to make things worse her family arenít being much help about it all, i suggested she needs full time care and she said the family would disown her if she done that.

I asked her to go to her gp and ask what she can do and the gp said you will have to care for your mum and didnít offer any type of help.

So my question is in this section how can my friend cope with everything and the death while everything else is going on, is there anything she can do for help for herself?

I guess the other question is is there any help at all for her mum, i know this might be the wrong section for this, but its too closely related to the issue of her dad, bearing in mind the gp hasnít offered anything and she feels her family will disown her if she gets some type of carer.

Any advice would be welcome.

Thanks

James

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-16-2010, 05:15 AM   #2
sjb sjb is offline
Facilitator
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Gardner Ma USA
Posts: 3,394
sjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB User
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother

Well it seems to me if they are not willing to help they should not be so fast to disown her if she tries to get respite care. I know that sometimes a local visiting nursing association or other respite organization can sometimes help with a day or two a week depending on needs. Sometimes an aide can come in, or other friends.

 
Old 10-16-2010, 05:20 AM   #3
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 80
jamesinUK HB User
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother

how is respite care arranged though, is that through the gp or do you have to do it privatly?

 
Old 10-16-2010, 01:33 PM   #4
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 80
jamesinUK HB User
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother

any further advice please?

 
Old 10-16-2010, 01:37 PM   #5
sjb sjb is offline
Facilitator
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Gardner Ma USA
Posts: 3,394
sjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB User
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother

Hmm it appears you live in England I am not too sure about that system over there. I suppose if I were in your situation I would be asking people in town at a local health board or office about some type of visiting nurse or respite and where to obtain one. I would ask questions of those in your area until I found something.

 
Old 10-16-2010, 01:41 PM   #6
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 80
jamesinUK HB User
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother

i mentioned that to her and she said she doesnt want anyone coming to look after her mum because her family would disown her for doing so and not doing it herself, but she cant seem to cope and needs to greive for her dad.

 
Old 10-16-2010, 06:55 PM   #7
Facilitator
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 15,261
Titchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB User
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother

So her family doesn't care enough about her to help out or to let her get help. Right?
Frankly, they've already "disowned" her by doing that. I'd do what I had to do and let the chips fall where they may.

 
Old 10-17-2010, 07:33 AM   #8
sjb sjb is offline
Facilitator
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Gardner Ma USA
Posts: 3,394
sjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB Usersjb HB User
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother

Maybe she needs a good friend network as a sort of second family one that is willing to treat her nicely.

 
Old 10-23-2010, 11:59 AM   #9
Senior Member
(female)
 
Basswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 227
Basswife HB UserBasswife HB User
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother

Hi, It sounds to me like she would be entitled to various financial help, which leads to various hands on help. Firstly - does the mother work? Does she get diability living allowance because she cannot work? If this is the case then your friend is entitled to carers allowance as her full time carer.
Secondly if she is caring for her mum because of illness etc, then she is entitled to direct payments. These are payments made to the friend but she must use the money to get herself time out etc. Perhaps a day trip with an organisation or she can pay a friend / member of the family to take the mum out for a few hours. She can choose to use the money in the best way for her and her mum - please note it cannot be used as an income, it must be used to pay someone for help and you are accuntable, they want reciepts etc.
The first step is to go to the direct gov website, find the number of your local social services and give them a call and ask for help. Social Services have a bad reputation but they are there to help and they do more than just look after children! They can arrange for everything your friend needs. There is alot they can do to help, she must do this, unfortunatly it depends on your post code as to the quality of sevice she will recieve, but its worth it.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to Basswife For This Useful Post:
sjb (10-25-2010)
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother jamesinUK Death & Dying 3 10-18-2010 03:39 PM
What to say when your friend's mother died Vivaldi Grief & Loss 4 03-23-2008 02:55 PM
My daddy died wanderingsoul53 Death & Dying 9 08-25-2007 12:11 PM
posting for a friend, please help her! leomia Bipolar Disorder 18 05-02-2007 04:23 AM
What is a Friend? / What is wrong with me? kiehn Relationship Health 25 11-11-2006 10:29 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:40 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!