asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother
Hi, part of this question isn’t for this section but i hope someone can offer some advice.
A friend has recently lost her father, which she is finding very difficult to deal with, there is also an added issue which she now has to deal with. Her mum is also pretty poorly, she has mental health issues as far as i know, she finds it hard doing a lot on her own, although her mum used to do some things, since the dad died she seems to need everything doing for her, my friend also said her mum won’t accept that he has died.
Her mum isn’t eating much at all, and won’t go out or do anything by herself, she also says a lot she wants to die.
My friend has had to quit her full time job to look after her mum not 24/7, which is a big blow to her, plus one of the biggest issues is my friend hasn’t gotten over her dad and needs time for that and feels pretty helpless about everything, to make things worse her family aren’t being much help about it all, i suggested she needs full time care and she said the family would disown her if she done that.
I asked her to go to her gp and ask what she can do and the gp said you will have to care for your mum and didn’t offer any type of help.
So my question is in this section how can my friend cope with everything and the death while everything else is going on, is there anything she can do for help for herself?
I guess the other question is is there any help at all for her mum, i know this might be the wrong section for this, but its too closely related to the issue of her dad, bearing in mind the gp hasn’t offered anything and she feels her family will disown her if she gets some type of carer.
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother
Well it seems to me if they are not willing to help they should not be so fast to disown her if she tries to get respite care. I know that sometimes a local visiting nursing association or other respite organization can sometimes help with a day or two a week depending on needs. Sometimes an aide can come in, or other friends.
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother
Hmm it appears you live in England I am not too sure about that system over there. I suppose if I were in your situation I would be asking people in town at a local health board or office about some type of visiting nurse or respite and where to obtain one. I would ask questions of those in your area until I found something.
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother
i mentioned that to her and she said she doesnt want anyone coming to look after her mum because her family would disown her for doing so and not doing it herself, but she cant seem to cope and needs to greive for her dad.
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother
So her family doesn't care enough about her to help out or to let her get help. Right?
Frankly, they've already "disowned" her by doing that. I'd do what I had to do and let the chips fall where they may.
Re: asking for a friend, her dad died and now has to care full time for her mother
Hi, It sounds to me like she would be entitled to various financial help, which leads to various hands on help. Firstly - does the mother work? Does she get diability living allowance because she cannot work? If this is the case then your friend is entitled to carers allowance as her full time carer.
Secondly if she is caring for her mum because of illness etc, then she is entitled to direct payments. These are payments made to the friend but she must use the money to get herself time out etc. Perhaps a day trip with an organisation or she can pay a friend / member of the family to take the mum out for a few hours. She can choose to use the money in the best way for her and her mum - please note it cannot be used as an income, it must be used to pay someone for help and you are accuntable, they want reciepts etc.
The first step is to go to the direct gov website, find the number of your local social services and give them a call and ask for help. Social Services have a bad reputation but they are there to help and they do more than just look after children! They can arrange for everything your friend needs. There is alot they can do to help, she must do this, unfortunatly it depends on your post code as to the quality of sevice she will recieve, but its worth it.
The Following User Says Thank You to Basswife For This Useful Post: sjb (10-25-2010)
