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Old 02-19-2011, 12:44 PM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: west hills, CA
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Sarahbells HB User
Smile Caregiving for my elderly mom

Hi
I am new to this site! I was looking for a site where I can communicate with other caregivers that are taking care of their elderly parent. My mother is 82 years old and has been living with us for a year now. She fell a month ago, and fractured her hip, she had surgery and was in a rehab place for 20 days, it was hard for her to be in that place, the LVN's are not that quick to respond if you need them, and she couldn't wait to get out of there! I was going back and forth everyday 3 or 4 times a day because she wanted me there, and because I wanted to make sure everything was ok for her. Thank goodness it was close by our house. She is back with us now, and she needs more assistance than she did before, like taking her to the bathroom with her walker or wheelchair, dressing her, and placing a diaper for her when she goes to bed, her mind is perfect, it is just her legs that are not strong anymore. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I get stressed out or resent her for what I am going through too, and then I feel so guilty to feel that way. I have lost my independance, because I can't just leave the house and do what I want to do anymore, I have to make sure someone is here to watch her. We have hired a lady to come and watch her on Wednesday's for 4 or 5 hours, just so I can get away, do my grocery shopping, have lunch with a friend or just me time. My husband and I can not just go away for a day or two anymore or go out to dinner, unless I have someone watching her, it's a big adjustment, thank goodness my husband is very understanding, and loves my mom, she is pleasant, and a wonderful mom and grandmother, so for this reason we feel that we need to take care of her. You have to have alot of patience to be able to do this, not everyone can be a caretaker. If there is anyone else out there that is going through this too, please write me, would love to communicate with someone to vent sometimes or ask advice!
Thank You!

 
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Old 02-20-2011, 09:37 AM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Denver, Colorado
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mpcsak HB User
Re: Caregiving for my elderly mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarahbells View Post
Hi
I am new to this site! I was looking for a site where I can communicate with other caregivers that are taking care of their elderly parent. My mother is 82 years old and has been living with us for a year now. She fell a month ago, and fractured her hip, she had surgery and was in a rehab place for 20 days, it was hard for her to be in that place, the LVN's are not that quick to respond if you need them, and she couldn't wait to get out of there! I was going back and forth everyday 3 or 4 times a day because she wanted me there, and because I wanted to make sure everything was ok for her. Thank goodness it was close by our house. She is back with us now, and she needs more assistance than she did before, like taking her to the bathroom with her walker or wheelchair, dressing her, and placing a diaper for her when she goes to bed, her mind is perfect, it is just her legs that are not strong anymore. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I get stressed out or resent her for what I am going through too, and then I feel so guilty to feel that way. I have lost my independance, because I can't just leave the house and do what I want to do anymore, I have to make sure someone is here to watch her. We have hired a lady to come and watch her on Wednesday's for 4 or 5 hours, just so I can get away, do my grocery shopping, have lunch with a friend or just me time. My husband and I can not just go away for a day or two anymore or go out to dinner, unless I have someone watching her, it's a big adjustment, thank goodness my husband is very understanding, and loves my mom, she is pleasant, and a wonderful mom and grandmother, so for this reason we feel that we need to take care of her. You have to have alot of patience to be able to do this, not everyone can be a caretaker. If there is anyone else out there that is going through this too, please write me, would love to communicate with someone to vent sometimes or ask advice!
Thank You!
Hi,
Wow. Reaing this is like looking in a mirror. I am a caregiver for my mom too. She isn't 82, 76, but was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer about 3 years ago. I won't go into all the details but she had alot of surgeries, chemo, radiation etc. When treatment was over she could no longer talk, drive, or anything she used to.

You are right not everyone can do this, and even those of us that can we experience alot of emotions that can make us feel guilty later. We cannot afford to have someone come in and watch her so we need to rely on friends. This is a help but I know what its like not being able to go out even for awhile unless I can find a helper.

I thin for me the hardest thing, at least this how I feel today it changes, is her pride and her unwillingness to understand her and my limitations. I get so frustrated. Yesterday I had to go in the back yard and just scream so I did not yell at her. She is getting over a broken leg, and yes we had the same hospital experience. She insisted on coming home early. Now in a wheelchair. I know in my heart she is not trying to make life miserable but geeze. She wouldn't eat, put on clean clothes, or even try. To busy feeling sorry for herself. When she gets like this I have tried talking to her doctors and they juwt say "This is common" which does nto help. I feel left out of life alot, can't see friends go on trips and have even missed my favorite nephews wedding to take care of her.

I can say there are good days to. But I guess I do not have the answer. I just try to take it a day at a time. Also I really try to squeeze in things for me. Most times it is not a big dea, maybe a new lotion or a new music book for my piano. And I also take time to play my piano as it is my stress relief.

Hang in there and I could use someone to vent to as well. Remeber that we can only do what we can and we cannot feel guilty of what we can't.


 
Old 02-20-2011, 10:44 AM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: west hills, CA
Posts: 6
Sarahbells HB User
Re: Caregiving for my elderly mom

Hi!

Thank you so much for writing to me! Your right it is like looking in a mirror! Like you say we can only take this one day at a time! It is so frustrating at times, that going out in the backyard and screaming sounds good! Ha Ha! Do you have any children? I have 3, 2 boys and 1 girl, my daughter is the oldest and is 27 and married, and expecting a baby, my sons are 22 and 25 and still live at home. They help as much as they can , but they can not take my mom to the bathroom or anything like that, I say it would of been nice to have another daughter and her living at home right now, so she could help out! Have you tried hiring a lady to come in once or twice a week, just so you can go do something for yourself? Well, let's keep in touch, would love to hear from you again!

 
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Old 02-23-2011, 01:44 PM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1
nanaof3 HB User
Re: Caregiving for my elderly mom

My mom will be 80 in June. From 2001 when my dad died until 2006, I was my mom's caregiver. She lived in her own home until 2006 but was dependent on me for everything (doctor visits, grocery shopping, bank account, all of it). My sister moved back to our town in 2007 and was a big help. She worked however but did what she could. In 2008, Mom's condition keep going downhill (she'd forget to take her meds; didn't eat well, started having paranoia and a lot of anxiety.) My sister and her husband moved mom in with them (they had no children) as they had plenty of room. Although they worked, they were there in the evenings and nights. Then, in June 2010 mom fell in their livingroom at 3 am, and broke her hip and leg. Was in hospital 3 days, in rehab for two weeks. She then went to a nursing home that had aggressive rehab and PT. Mom did get stronger and was able to stand and walk with assistance, but she would never try it on her own. She wouldn't even try using the walker on her own, due to her fear of falling. All she could do was feed herself. She needed and still needs to have 24/7 care, assistance to the bathroom and other ADL's, so she agreed to remain in the Nursing Home and get more care and PT. She has been there for 8 months now; she has adjusted and so have we (I have 2 sisters). The first couple of months was hard - getting used to the facility and them getting to know us. But we're all contented now. Mom, of course, would rather be in her own home, or with one of us, but she also knows that we can't take care of her, do the lifting, bathing and other things. We are very fortunate to find a Long Term Care facility that is great. It is a family owned facility and has a lot of personal touches. So, we are thankful and it is only 10 minutes from my sister's home. My sis and I go over every Tuesday and take Mom out for lunch and some browsing. We roll her to the car in her wheelchair, get her in the car and off we go. She can stand up from the wheelchair and we pivot her into the car. I keep another wheelchair in the trunk of my car that we use while out. My sister goes over on Sunday and takes her to their 'Sunday Service' and she also does her laundry, so she see her about 3-4 times a week. I live about 40 minutes away. This is working for us. My sister and I took care of her for as long as we could - but there comes a time when a person can no longer do it and needs help. I am 62 and my sister is 60. I wish you the best as you deal with this, as I know exactly what you're going through.

 
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