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Old 07-08-2011, 07:41 PM   #1
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Caring for Mother with Pulmonary fibrosis and need help with abusive grandson

My Sister and I have been caring for our Mother who has pulmonary fibrosis, this is a terrible disease! But our biggest problem is our 18 year old nephew, he is so emotionally abusive to our 83 year old Mother and there is nothing we can do about it because she refuses to kick him out! He screams at her when she won't give him money and he will scream until she gives it to him. He also brings strangers into her house, drinks and smokes dope there all the time and she still refuses to kick him out, and if we say anything she gets upset with us. If anyone has any suggestions it would be greatly appreciated!!

 
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Old 07-08-2011, 10:32 PM   #2
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Re: Caring for Mother with Pulmonary fibrosis and need help with abusive grandson

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Originally Posted by boodle2 View Post
My Sister and I have been caring for our Mother who has pulmonary fibrosis, this is a terrible disease! But our biggest problem is our 18 year old nephew, he is so emotionally abusive to our 83 year old Mother and there is nothing we can do about it because she refuses to kick him out! He screams at her when she won't give him money and he will scream until she gives it to him. He also brings strangers into her house, drinks and smokes dope there all the time and she still refuses to kick him out, and if we say anything she gets upset with us. If anyone has any suggestions it would be greatly appreciated!!
This is elder abuse and it needs to be reported and you can do it yourselves annomously to the police or to an elder abuse hotline found in your phone book or on the internet. She is really afraid of your nephew and doesn't know how to stop him. She is an enabler and is co-dependent relationship with her grandson. It's pretty common for the person being abused to defend and make excuses for the person who is abusing them and to even blame themselves for the abuse. Do your mom and yourselves a favor to report him before something bad happens to her and yourselves so you don't regret it later !

 
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Old 07-09-2011, 11:52 AM   #3
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Re: Caring for Mother with Pulmonary fibrosis and need help with abusive grandson

We do report him and the police do NOTHING! which absolutely amazes me, and also she has to agree that he needs to go and she won't do that! And she is not afraid of him, But I am considering getting a lawyer and see what our options are, he screams at her when he wants money and her oxygen level gets down to 64 which is not even life sustainable, but she allows him to do it and it is so frustrating for us.

 
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Old 07-09-2011, 12:13 PM   #4
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Re: Caring for Mother with Pulmonary fibrosis and need help with abusive grandson

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Originally Posted by boodle2 View Post
We do report him and the police do NOTHING! which absolutely amazes me, and also she has to agree that he needs to go and she won't do that! And she is not afraid of him, But I am considering getting a lawyer and see what our options are, he screams at her when he wants money and her oxygen level gets down to 64 which is not even life sustainable, but she allows him to do it and it is so frustrating for us.
My brother was an alcoholic and was to abusive to both my parents and they wouldn't kick him out of the house either. I called a lawyer and was told there was nothing my younger brother and I could do to get my alcoholic brother out of my parents house except to take my parents to court and had them declared incompetent by a judge and become their conservators or guardian. It's extremely frustrating to see your mom being abused but until she decides she has had enough and calls the police herself and presses charges against your nephew there isn't much you can do. Go to A-la non to get yourselves some emotional support.

 
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Old 07-09-2011, 05:23 PM   #5
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Re: Caring for Mother with Pulmonary fibrosis and need help with abusive grandson

Did you end up going to court and having them declared incompetent? And if so how difficult was that? I have very much considered doing that! because she is starting to forget things .

 
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Old 07-09-2011, 10:43 PM   #6
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Re: Caring for Mother with Pulmonary fibrosis and need help with abusive grandson

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Did you end up going to court and having them declared incompetent? And if so how difficult was that? I have very much considered doing that! because she is starting to forget things .
No,My brother and I decided that my parents were competent just didn't know what to do because my brother was dying from his alcoholism and only lived about another four months. I didn't really want to do that to them as they were going trough enough with knowing my brother was dying.My brother died from his alcoholism on January 18,2009. I really believe he was mentally ill and had been self-medicating himself with alcohol and drugs since he was 12 1/2 years old .

 
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Old 07-10-2011, 08:32 AM   #7
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Re: Caring for Mother with Pulmonary fibrosis and need help with abusive grandson

Yes I understand , I talked to my sisters last night and they said they didn't want to do that either because it would hurt my Mother, but the sad thing is he is killing her with his behavior and that is the truth! In our case it is beyond hurting her feelings, we need to keep her safe! Her final days should be at peace not having someone screaming in her face and taking her money, but then again when she passes is when she will truly be at peace!!

 
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