It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Caregivers Message Board
Post New Thread   Reply Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-29-2011, 11:54 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: NYC area
Posts: 38
cme1017 HB User
whre's the rest of the family

2 nights ago day my mom fell in her home at 1 in the morning and could not get up (she has COPD and is 84 with a myriad of other health problems). She had to crawl to get to a phone to call 911 just to get her up. She called me after she called 911 and I flew down to her house (I am 15 minutes away). When i got there my mom was bleeding in several places and one gash in the leg was especially bad. 911 wanted her to go to the hospital but she refused and when I was insisting she go, she cried. So she didn't go and I did the best I could with her wounds. I also called my brother, who lives an hour away to tell him. He was supposed to come over the next day but never did. Meanwhile, I took the next 2 days off to tend to my Mom. The wound on her leg was from the cat biting her because she originally fell because she tripped on the cat. I finally convinced her to go to ER today (Friday) as the wound was still bleeding and I'm not a nurse. They treated the wound, gave her antibiotics and sent her home. But I am furious at my brother and do not want anything to do with him. He not only did nothing for my Mom, but did nothing for me. I have mental health problems as it is, and this stress just sends me downhill. I have another brother in Oregon and he is limited of course in helping, but I am angry with him also. I am the poorest in my family and both my brothers could help with at least money to get an aide in or help with assisted living. But everything is left to me, and me alone, I suppose because I don't have any other family and apparently my brothers think my I can just take off from work whenever I want. I am already on suspension for taking to much time off from work (for both my own physical and mental problems along with caring for Mom). I am just feeling so overwhelmed, incapable, and totally alone. At this point, I feel like an only child and my frustration, my own feelings of not being able to handle this, and anger are overwhelming me.

 
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: cme1017
ladama07 (08-04-2011), Phoenix (07-31-2011)
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-31-2011, 06:47 AM   #2
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,840
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: whre's the rest of the family

Quote:
Originally Posted by cme1017 View Post
called my brother, He was supposed to come over the next day but never did.

I took the next 2 days off to tend to my Mom. I finally convinced her to go to ER today (Friday) as the wound was still bleeding and I'm not a nurse. They treated the wound, gave her antibiotics and sent her home. But I am furious at my brother and do not want anything to do with him. He not only did nothing for my Mom, but did nothing for me. I have mental health problems as it is, and this stress just sends me downhill. I have another brother in Oregon and he is limited of course in helping, but I am angry with him also. I am the poorest in my family and both my brothers could help with at least money to get an aide in or help with assisted living.
I am already on suspension for taking to much time off from work (for both my own physical and mental problems along with caring for Mom). I am just feeling so overwhelmed, incapable, and totally alone. At this point, I feel like an only child and my frustration, my own feelings of not being able to handle this, and anger are overwhelming me.
Hello cme1017,

You going above and beyond for your mother needs to be both recognized and applauded.

It's beginning to effect both your livelihood and your quality of living;this is apparent.

Might I suggest having a three-way telephone conference with your brothers and voice your concerns diplomatically(you know,more flies with honey scenario). Propose the prospect of an aide or assisted livinmg to them.

If the three of you were never on the same page before,explain that you need to be,for your mother's sake.Also explain that you can't do this alone.

The writing's on the wall and that word is action.

Please consider.

Respectfully
Phoenix
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

 
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Phoenix For This Useful Post:
cme1017 (07-31-2011)
Old 07-31-2011, 08:44 AM   #3
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: NYC area
Posts: 38
cme1017 HB User
Re: whre's the rest of the family

Thank you Phoenix for your support and help. Unfortunately, just 2 months ago I had a conversation with both my brothers about helping Mom and helping me, and I was respectful (not angry) and truly desperate regarding needing help. But as you can see, that didn't change anything. I feel it's obvious my so called family will be of no assistance, which I angry at for both myself and my mother - how they could abandon her like this. I'm trying to turn my anger into action and to see what can be done to help her by visiting social agencies and going to an Eldercare lawyer. I'm also looking for a support group for caregivers in my area as this is just draining the life out of me and it's only going to get worse.

Thanks again,
cme1017

 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2011, 11:12 AM   #4
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,840
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: whre's the rest of the family

Quote:
Originally Posted by cme1017 View Post
Thank you Phoenix for your support and help. I feel it's obvious my so called family will be of no assistance, which I angry at for both myself and my mother - how they could abandon her like this. I'm trying to turn my anger into action and to see what can be done to help her by visiting social agencies and going to an Eldercare lawyer. I'm also looking for a support group for caregivers in my area as this is just draining the life out of me and it's only going to get worse.

Thanks again,
cme1017
cme1017,

You're welcome.

Seems that you are wasting no time, "striking while the iron's hot(so to speak)."

I suppose that a call from your mother to either of them would end up fruitless in its' effort(just wondering).

It's unfortunate that this all falls on your shoulder's but in the grand scheme of things,the person most able to complete the task at hand will be assigned the job(it's a spiritual thing).

Please keep us updated and know that both you and your mother will be in my prayers.

Respectfully
Phoenix
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

 
Reply With Quote
The following user gives a hug of support to Phoenix:
cme1017 (07-31-2011)
Reply Reply

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Mother-in-Law dying, bad family situation mk7657 Caregivers 27 08-26-2008 01:09 PM
Family Won't Let Her Speak plaxmax34 Caregivers 19 08-12-2008 08:37 AM
Family functions...how do you function? misskitty88 Caregivers 2 07-12-2008 08:54 PM
Don't trust family! pdonaldson Caregivers 9 06-05-2007 01:49 PM
Family torn apart Debbe Caregivers 3 12-09-2006 06:32 AM

Tags
aging parent, caregivers, sole caretaker



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (5), ibake&pray (3), Seraph (2), Sandy Caregiver (2), Harry (1), tamiloo (1), Kszan (1), Basswife (1), cryingforever (1), flipfleury (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1139), MSJayhawk (943), Apollo123 (860), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (774), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:09 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!