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Old 08-24-2011, 08:17 PM   #1
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motherinlawblue HB User
Unhappy What to do with mother-in-law

My father-in-law passed away over a year ago. While he was sick, I helped her shop, helped her clean, and anything else she needed. When he died, I was there to help with the arrangements. I have been taking her out, and trying to include her in our lives. I have two little children, I started 2 new businesses this year, a daycare and an online company and I am busy lately. She wants to stay in the house which is too much for her and is older and having issues. She has the money saved to live comfortably, but she is reluctant to spend anything. She calls constantly telling us very rudely that we need to get over there and help her. Now she needs to be taken to doctor's appointments because she needs back surgery. She expects us all to drop our jobs and take care of her around the clock. I told her to hire a house cleaner, she is reluctant, I told her to start looking for a nurse to help when she has surgery. She will not. My husband and his brother and I are trying to tell her that she can't live in the house if she cannot take care of the house and herself without constant care. But she will not listen. We are all becoming frustrated with the situation. She is 68. I have alot going on with the kids going back to school, working 2 businesses, boys sports. But she is stressing me most of all. Because she will not listen and just expects us to drop everything constantly. I have tried to be nice, but part of me is so mad because she has the money, we don't, and she lived her life and enjoyed her kids, she is keeping us from enjoying things right now. We are all so stressed and I don't know what to do. To top it off we find out from the doctor that she needs surgery now because she stopped therapy because she says she felt better at the time, and then when the pain started, she would not go back, has not been doing the exercises she was told to do. She will not listen to anyone. She has triple bypass surgery 3 years ago and swears it has nothing to do with lifestyle. Says it is all hereditary. She is not eating right, will not exercise. The house is a mess. She just bought a dog who is having accidents all over the house, and she expects people to come and clean it up. We dont want to be mean and tell her not to call, but we cannot continue to let her dictate out days and lives. Anyone have any advice on dealing with a difficult elderly parent? It would be greatly appreciated.

 
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Old 08-26-2011, 09:08 AM   #2
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Re: What to do with mother-in-law

Quote:
Originally Posted by motherinlawblue View Post
I told her to hire a house cleaner, she is reluctant, I told her to start looking for a nurse to help when she has surgery. She will not. My husband and his brother and I are trying to tell her that she can't live in the house if she cannot take care of the house and herself without constant care. But she will not listen. We are all becoming frustrated with the situation.

To top it off we find out from the doctor that she needs surgery now because she stopped therapy because she says she felt better at the time, and then when the pain started, she would not go back, has not been doing the exercises she was told to do. She will not listen to anyone. She has triple bypass surgery 3 years ago and swears it has nothing to do with lifestyle. Anyone have any advice on dealing with a difficult elderly parent? It would be greatly appreciated.
Hello milb,

It's time to get her doctor involved.

Explain everything that you have done so here and if there's anything else you left out,reveal it.

this is serious and her reluctancy towards certain things may just create a scenario that she may wish she didn't get into.......

by then,it will be too late.

Please intervene....for her sake;which in turn will make things easier on you and your family.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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When in doubt, post it out.

Last edited by Phoenix; 08-26-2011 at 09:16 AM. Reason: additional info provided

 
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