10/2007 (3+ yrs ago): Mother-in-law passes, and my wife volunteers to house, feed, bathe, shave, floss teeth, cut toenails, clean eyeglasses, entertain, transport, etc her DS brother (hereafter referred to as DSLOU). So he (now 42) has been living with us ever since, which has irritated me from the beginning. Wife's siblings (some of which live right here in town) help out often THANK GOD. Other siblings out of town are more reluctant to pitch in (which REALLY irritates my wife: read: family feud in the works). One sibling's spouse (here in town) said: "DSLOU can't live with us; he will drive us crazy". (EXACT QUOTE).
DSLOU's issues:
1) Eats like a horse, I mean AT LEAST double what I eat, and I'm rather active: to start with I have no automobile at my disposal & commute and shop by bicycle.
2) DSLOU raids the refidgerator during the night, which I can hear so I wake up & rarely get back to sleep.
3) DSLOU is stubborn beyond belief.
3) DSLOU is at least 50% deaf AND REFUSES TO WEAR HIS HEARING AID.
4) DSLOU takes showers that run (NO exaggeration here) as long as 90 minutes (That's ONE AND A HALF HOURS)
5) DSLOU's speach is heavily impared (in part probably because he refuses to wear his hearing aid, so he can't hear his own lousy pronunciation). I'd estimate that I can get about 1 out of every 10 words out of his mouth. My wife (who grew up with him) does better, maybe 4 out of every 10 words, but we both invariably require DSLOU to repeat what he's trying to say MULTIPLE TIMES, then DSLOU gets ANGRY! One sibling's spouse told me, "If I gave him a grilled cheese sandwich, maybe DSLOU would say 'I don't like f'ing grilled cheese', I don't have any idea what he's saying." I told her not to worry about food specifically because DSLOU eats ANYTHING and LOTS OF IT. But I know what she's saying. I get home from work already tired & frustrated just from work. Then DSLOU starts talking. I don't know if he's telling me what he had for lunch, or if the house is on fire.
6) Lately, DSLOU is exhibiting signs of alzheimers, which I can smell a light year away because I had to deal with that with my Dad.
7) DSLOU won't lift a finger to help out. Won't put his dirty dishes in the DW (and there's TONS sitting out when I get home.) Won't turn off lights when he leaves the room. Won't even collect his clean clothes from the laundry room that we've dutifully washed, dried and folded. What: are we his SLAVES???
I'm about to break. Either I go, or DSLOU goes (but where?). I love my wife, as much or more than when we married 32 years ago, and if I leave it will crush me, maybe even more than dealing with DSLOU. My wife feels the same way: increasing frustration and no plausible solutions.
I'm at wit's end.
Help.
It is time for you and your wife to seriously think about finding another place for DSLOU to live. You do not want your marriage to break up or for either one of you to have a nervous breakdown.
It is admirable for you and your wife to take care of DSLOU all this time, however, you need to do something before you both reach the end of your rope so to speak.
I have been in similar shoes and it is no fun. Start now to work out different living arrangements for DSLOU.
ou must get him out of your home, I am a cna and I seen more merriages crumble under the presure of caringb for a sick one. ou and your wife must unite and tell the rest of family your done and it now their turn to decided
what to be done with him,
then stick to your guns.
He must have some sort of income. Social security? Disability? Your wife needs to sit down with her siblings (actually both of you) and discuss a solution. Find a senior income based apartment maybe? With 24 hour emergency response (meaning they have pull cords, and someone is always on duty). He needs to have some income to help out. And he needs to go. Husband comes first. Or the other siblings need to alternate nights. Tell him he needs to stop raiding the frig, and he needs to start helping out. If he can get up and raid the frig he can help out. Maybe he should see his doctor about his appetite? He is an adult. Talk to him like one.
