It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Caregivers Message Board
Post New Thread   Reply Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-08-2012, 07:51 PM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: salt lake city, utah, USA
Posts: 2
bicycle6228 HB User
Driving me crazy

10/2007 (3+ yrs ago): Mother-in-law passes, and my wife volunteers to house, feed, bathe, shave, floss teeth, cut toenails, clean eyeglasses, entertain, transport, etc her DS brother (hereafter referred to as DSLOU). So he (now 42) has been living with us ever since, which has irritated me from the beginning. Wife's siblings (some of which live right here in town) help out often THANK GOD. Other siblings out of town are more reluctant to pitch in (which REALLY irritates my wife: read: family feud in the works). One sibling's spouse (here in town) said: "DSLOU can't live with us; he will drive us crazy". (EXACT QUOTE).
DSLOU's issues:
1) Eats like a horse, I mean AT LEAST double what I eat, and I'm rather active: to start with I have no automobile at my disposal & commute and shop by bicycle.
2) DSLOU raids the refidgerator during the night, which I can hear so I wake up & rarely get back to sleep.
3) DSLOU is stubborn beyond belief.
3) DSLOU is at least 50% deaf AND REFUSES TO WEAR HIS HEARING AID.
4) DSLOU takes showers that run (NO exaggeration here) as long as 90 minutes (That's ONE AND A HALF HOURS)
5) DSLOU's speach is heavily impared (in part probably because he refuses to wear his hearing aid, so he can't hear his own lousy pronunciation). I'd estimate that I can get about 1 out of every 10 words out of his mouth. My wife (who grew up with him) does better, maybe 4 out of every 10 words, but we both invariably require DSLOU to repeat what he's trying to say MULTIPLE TIMES, then DSLOU gets ANGRY! One sibling's spouse told me, "If I gave him a grilled cheese sandwich, maybe DSLOU would say 'I don't like f'ing grilled cheese', I don't have any idea what he's saying." I told her not to worry about food specifically because DSLOU eats ANYTHING and LOTS OF IT. But I know what she's saying. I get home from work already tired & frustrated just from work. Then DSLOU starts talking. I don't know if he's telling me what he had for lunch, or if the house is on fire.
6) Lately, DSLOU is exhibiting signs of alzheimers, which I can smell a light year away because I had to deal with that with my Dad.
7) DSLOU won't lift a finger to help out. Won't put his dirty dishes in the DW (and there's TONS sitting out when I get home.) Won't turn off lights when he leaves the room. Won't even collect his clean clothes from the laundry room that we've dutifully washed, dried and folded. What: are we his SLAVES???

I'm about to break. Either I go, or DSLOU goes (but where?). I love my wife, as much or more than when we married 32 years ago, and if I leave it will crush me, maybe even more than dealing with DSLOU. My wife feels the same way: increasing frustration and no plausible solutions.
I'm at wit's end.
Help.

 
Reply With Quote
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-12-2012, 06:49 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Burnet, Texas USA
Posts: 4,313
Misty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB User
Re: Driving me crazy

It is time for you and your wife to seriously think about finding another place for DSLOU to live. You do not want your marriage to break up or for either one of you to have a nervous breakdown.

It is admirable for you and your wife to take care of DSLOU all this time, however, you need to do something before you both reach the end of your rope so to speak.

I have been in similar shoes and it is no fun. Start now to work out different living arrangements for DSLOU.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 07:09 PM   #3
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: calif
Posts: 12
package deal HB User
Re: Driving me crazy

ou must get him out of your home, I am a cna and I seen more merriages crumble under the presure of caringb for a sick one. ou and your wife must unite and tell the rest of family your done and it now their turn to decided
what to be done with him,
then stick to your guns.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 08:56 AM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Lexington, KY USA
Posts: 13
September88 HB User
Re: Driving me crazy

He must have some sort of income. Social security? Disability? Your wife needs to sit down with her siblings (actually both of you) and discuss a solution. Find a senior income based apartment maybe? With 24 hour emergency response (meaning they have pull cords, and someone is always on duty). He needs to have some income to help out. And he needs to go. Husband comes first. Or the other siblings need to alternate nights. Tell him he needs to stop raiding the frig, and he needs to start helping out. If he can get up and raid the frig he can help out. Maybe he should see his doctor about his appetite? He is an adult. Talk to him like one.

 
Reply With Quote
Reply Reply

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
My angel marcia shawm Down Syndrome 38 04-24-2007 08:12 AM
Telling family child has downs betty1623 Down Syndrome 6 05-06-2006 08:02 AM
Help ks5353 Down Syndrome 5 04-07-2006 05:05 PM
Behavior Issues with a 6 year old. Lynn7580 Down Syndrome 4 03-10-2006 11:54 AM
School and DS Mafeti Down Syndrome 2 04-13-2005 09:57 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (5), ibake&pray (3), Titchou (2), Seraph (2), Sandy Caregiver (2), mesilla (1), Kszan (1), Basswife (1), cryingforever (1), flipfleury (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (904), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:25 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!