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Old 03-27-2012, 03:29 PM   #1
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Feeling guilty about Mom

Hi all, My mom who is 92 moved in with me 2 years ago. The first year was just getting used to her living with my husband and myself. After we got the kinks out and we got a routine things went fine. Or, I should say, as fine as can be while taking care of your aging parent.

Then last year I got hurt at work, and with many complications and issues, my ability to care for her got very lax. She can't shower by herself or bend over at all, and yet I couldn't get down without so much pain to wash or dry her legs, put on socks etc. Being 92 her memory isn't that great, so I went down to 1 shower a week. Washing her hair was the same. Many other things I did for her before the injury, I just couldn't do. And I would get short with her because I didn't want to be bothered.

Now that I have found something for pain that helps quite a bit, I am back to caring for her better. When I got her in the shower the second time in the same week, she says to me..."I am so glad you feel better, I didn't like taking showers only once a week" Now I feel so bad and so guilty. All that time I thought she didn't remember. Maybe it had to be the way it was. But I am glad to get it off my chest.

 
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Old 03-27-2012, 04:43 PM   #2
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Re: Feeling guilty about Mom

Pamela,

I'm so glad that the Cymbalta is working out for you,as I also take this prescription medication.

You can't make up for the past but you can help provide for a better quality future.It will also(hopefully)provide you with the advantage of having more energy to take care of your mother's needs.

Your mother is even seeing a change in you;give yourself a pat on the back.

You continued going to physicians and through perseverance,was placed on a compatible medication.

Good for you.

Respectfully
Ryan
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Last edited by Phoenix; 03-27-2012 at 04:45 PM.

 
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Old 03-27-2012, 04:52 PM   #3
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Re: Feeling guilty about Mom

You are being way too hard on yourself. Not everyone is prepared too look after an ageing parent, you were sick and did the best you could. You could have easily said I cant do this anymore and put her in a home. I think she is very lucky to have you.
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Old 03-27-2012, 04:55 PM   #4
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Re: Feeling guilty about Mom

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Originally Posted by Agenda View Post
I think she is very lucky to have you.
Pamela,

I second that statement.....in bold type.

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Old 03-27-2012, 05:25 PM   #5
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Re: Feeling guilty about Mom

Thank you both, Agenda and Phoenix, I know what you say is true. I just had those feelings inside, and getting them out helps. I worked in a nursing home when I was 17, and had always promised my mom, that whatever happened I would take care of her at home. Of course that was unless she needed medical care 24/7. When her husband died, this frail lil old woman said to the nurse. "It will be ok, I will live with my daughter". And we hadn't talked about it in years. She is now the child and I am the mom.

Thanks again for your comments

 
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Old 03-27-2012, 05:31 PM   #6
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Re: Feeling guilty about Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arianna2 View Post
I worked in a nursing home when I was 17, and had always promised my mom, that whatever happened I would take care of her at home. Of course that was unless she needed medical care 24/7. When her husband died, this frail lil old woman said to the nurse. "It will be ok, I will live with my daughter". And we hadn't talked about it in years. She is now the child and I am the mom.

Thanks again for your comments
Pamela,

I worked in a hospital facility at around the same age you mentioned;this is my first time that I witnessed death,as the person ended up chocking on their own fluids.

I think it's time to have that chat.

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Ryan
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Old 04-14-2012, 08:43 AM   #7
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Re: Feeling guilty about Mom

I think your mom understood you were in pain. If it gets too much for you, look into home health, or a caregiver to come a few times a week to shower her.

 
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