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Old 05-28-2012, 04:05 PM   #1
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Caregiver Problems

Hi guys I just want to throw out a few problems that I am seeing and need some input. This is regarding our new caregiver of about 6 months.

At first we got along well and communicated well. Then I started seeing different things that did not make sense. Mom just came out of the rehab facility after a stroke and was not too talkative. We had a few scares here and there with seizures and falls etc. But more to the point I was told that my mom was dehydrated at a recent hospital visit. They gave her intrvenous fluids and treated any other problems. I have come to believe that the caretaker is slaking off of giving fluids on some days (when she is busy either sleeping in the day or talking to her friends on her new I phone). When I question her about any problem, She always denies any wrongdoing at all. Most times she tries to throw blame back at me even getting upset and arguing with me.

Here comes the sticky part, when I complain to the power of attorney, He tells Her what I said. Then She gets mad at me later when she sees me. She starts to complain about the things that I do wrong and then tells the POA as well. Being the Son of Mom I feel it is my duty to notify the POA, if I notice any problems (limiting my complaints now due to the situation).

I have contacted Elder Abuse agency but they cannot do anything unless she is a resident at a rest home. They advised me to contact the police to do a "safety Check" at the house. I did this one time and she looked really guilty like she was responsible for some cuts & bruises on Mom. This may be started by my Moms protests and verbal assaults on us which happen at times.

I just want to be clear most of my evidence is circumstantial with little or no support from Mom (I dont know why?)

I hesitate to contact Adult protective services due to my lack of evidence. Maybe I just want to back off of my complaints for now to keep some peace. If I think of more to write I will later, Thanks for listening (and letting me Vent)
Matt2911

Last edited by matt2911; 05-28-2012 at 04:13 PM. Reason: spelling

 
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Old 05-29-2012, 08:35 PM   #2
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Re: Caregiver Problems

Matt2911,

For the sake of your mother,I would try and offer a clean slate discussion with the caregiver.

You both have your mother's interest at heart and maybe,just maybe,she may pay a bit more attention to her.

If the two of you are at a stalemate,someone has to end up being the voice of reason;the bigger person,if you will.

This goes way beyond wrong or right at this point.You need to be able to feel some comfort with the person who is taking care of your mother.

Just a suggestion.

Respectfully
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Last edited by Phoenix; 06-02-2012 at 03:11 PM.

 
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Old 06-23-2012, 05:41 PM   #3
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Re: Caregiver Problems

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Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post
Matt2911,

For the sake of your mother,I would try and offer a clean slate discussion with the caregiver.
Ya I know I have thought about that at times and I know any complaining will just bring more problems as I found out today. I just mentioned that I was concerned about my moms teeth and She went off turning the blame back at me. She got upset and started talking louder like she is some big shot you know??? I will post more later...Matt

 
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Old 06-25-2012, 08:03 PM   #4
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Re: Caregiver Problems

Matt, a question for you.

Who is/has the POA for your mother? Is it a family member? Why do you not hold it, or is it your father that holds it?

Personally, if it was me, I would demand that there be a new caretaker for your mom. It is not for her to make excuses, it is her job to do what you request in the best interest of your mother..

 
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Old 07-22-2012, 02:36 PM   #5
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Post Re: Caregiver Problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by ibake&pray View Post
Matt, a question for you.

Who is/has the POA for your mother? Is it a family member? Why do you not hold it, or is it your father that holds it?

Sorry about the delay in responding to your post.

The answer is: when we were talking about the POA topic, that I brought up btw, everyone was saying "she can go back to taking care of herself", " She can write checks as exercise and therapy.. etc"

Then my sister may have realised that a POA was necessary or someone advised family to get POA. At first there was a dual POA with me and Tony as POA at various banks. But the banks then refused a dual POA citing various reasons. Only one bank has a dual POA at this time. I believe we took a vote to see who will be the POA and tony won.

He is a business owner that is very busy and I cant see why he is doing it. He does have a secretary to help him pay bills I think so maybe it is better for all this way?? I did feel like I was not suited to it at first, but I could have tried to do it. Maybe I am not a good example due to my credit cards being maxed out and closed accounts etc one account is in collections, some are past due as a result of going to a counseling agency where the payments were setup and accounts closed etc.. But enough of this, as I am dealing with it a day at a time.

I have talked about getting conservator but, only as a topic while discussing my concerns with the care of mom. thanks for asking this question as it has cleared up a few thoughts about the best way to go for me. I have it easy now without all the bill hassles, and can concentrate on helping mom. Also the police officer that I talked to said that I should make my moms days peaceful while I am here as well and not complain too much.

Quote:
Personally, if it was me, I would demand that there be a new caretaker for your mom. It is not for her to make excuses, it is her job to do what you request in the best interest of your mother..
Yes I know but my complaints are hitting a wall that does not care what I say. Only repeats it to the caretaker and gets me in even more hot water with the caretaker. She will start complaining more about me to the POA then I have to answer all these new concerns as well. I am taking it a day at a time for now.

Thanks Tons

Last edited by matt2911; 07-22-2012 at 03:37 PM. Reason: add info

 
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Old 09-27-2012, 11:48 AM   #6
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Re: Caregiver Problems

Let me guess is she from the Philippines? It sound like the same problems that I too have had and am still having. The best thing to do is either get a nanny cam to catch her doing these things or just fire her. It sucks, but she will continue to do these things. Do what is best for your mom not the caregiver.

 
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Old 10-03-2012, 12:21 PM   #7
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Re: Caregiver Problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by gingergirl2 View Post
Let me guess is she from the Philippines? It sound like the same problems that I too have had and am still having. The best thing to do is either get a nanny cam to catch her doing these things or just fire her. It sucks, but she will continue to do these things. Do what is best for your mom not the caregiver.
Sorry about the delay in responding to your kind post. I have been really busy with all the different "Irons that are in the fire" so to say. She is from New Zealand and still has not mastered the english language but that does not seem to matter to anyone
Yes I have considered setting up a webcam that is accessable from the internet, but internet is down. Working on getting a second line for dsl now.
Thanks all

 
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