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Old 03-22-2013, 11:37 PM   #1
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Unhappy help my mother is driving me nuts

i dont want to sound like a grouch, but i am so sick of my mother, she has dementia and is driving me and my husband totally nuts, i dont want to put her in a home because i feel so guilty, at the same time i am so cranky with her and from her end i must sound like a total grouch, but she is so annoying and says the most stupid things its like she is 5 years old again, i know its part of the dementia but omg i just dont have the patience, i work hard all week then i have her to contend with i dont have any other family who can help me, its just hubby and me, my hubby is yelling at her all the time through frustraction, she is the most stubborn women and will not admit she has this problem, we cant sleep in on the weekends she stands at the stairs and yells for us to wake up, we try so hard with her, but its getting to the stage where hubby and i are now yelling at each other all the time, i have had her assested and she is definelty in need of constant care, just the thought of a nursing home makes me feel riddled with guilt, i have even stopped going to church becasue im so angry at god for making her last years like this, she used to be my best friend now i dont now who she is
i hope someone can help me please, please understand im a good person and i do love mum, but the mum i know not this one.

Last edited by mod85; 03-23-2013 at 08:38 AM.

 
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Old 03-23-2013, 06:33 AM   #2
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Re: help my mother is driving me nuts

You sound terribly overwhelmed. I think it would be better for you and your mom if you looked into a facility for her. She is not benefitting at all from your being mad at her for something that is not her fault at all. She is not being a naughty child, she has a brain disorder.
I am sure you are a sweet and loving woman but this responsibility is too much for you so don't be ashamed to admit it and make other arrangements.

 
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Old 03-23-2013, 08:50 AM   #3
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Re: help my mother is driving me nuts

This is one of the most difficult decisions we make in our lives and I understand how your head says yes but your heart says no. The guideline that I used with my mother is that when she became a danger to herself and others I put her in a facility and it worked out fine as she looked forward to our visits until she progressed to the point that she did not know us. May God love and guide you through this difficult time.......

 
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Old 03-23-2013, 09:09 AM   #4
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Re: help my mother is driving me nuts

It may not totally be the dementia if she is on other medications. If she is indeed on other medications please check the side effects, as many medications can worsen dementia. In addition, possibly you could hire someone to help you out, perhaps even part-time could be a big help. Also, there is also the possibility of allowing a caregiver to live with you rent-free, in other words there would be no expense for you involved, since she would be living with you for free. You may want to have your mom's vitamin b-12 levels checked, as being low in vitamin b-12 can mimic dementia. With elderly folks vitamins of all kind are much harder for the body to absorb and especially the elderly need stronger doses.

 
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Old 03-23-2013, 01:13 PM   #5
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Re: help my mother is driving me nuts

Hi, I'm so sorry you are going thru this. I was thinking you could find a spt group in your area they sometimes have them at the hospitals.

I agree you either need to get some help a couple days a week, or it is time to have her evlauated about noving to a fscility where they are used to dealing with patients like her.

You at least need to hire someone soon so that you and your hubby can.go away for the weekend. Maybe a little longer so you can check out some facilities. I know its hard, my mom is 96 we have a live in with her now but don't know how much longer it will last. Good luck cathy

 
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Old 03-28-2013, 12:32 PM   #6
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Re: help my mother is driving me nuts

There is a board here (alzheimer's and dementia) that has many members and there are good suggestions also for caregiving. Check it out and see how other people deal with it.
One rule is never yell at her or argue with her. She has dementia and has no idea what is wrong. Her reality is not your reality. Yelling doesn't help and only makes her angry or frustrated.
Try to hire part-time home care caregivers. It is time to find outside help. Or consider AL to place her for her safety.


Hugs,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 03-28-2013 at 12:33 PM.

 
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