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Old 07-26-2004, 10:40 PM   #1
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Christine23 HB User
Question CP and initiating relationships

Hi,

This is my first post to this board. I have several questions, but first I'll introduce byself. I'm 28 yr old female and have (I guess mild??) spastic diplegia CP. I use crutches to walk. I don't have any speech problems. The main way my CP manifests itself visually is that I walk funny.

Without trying to sound too pathetic I've never been on a date with a guy. Because of my lack of experience in this area, I'm not exactly sure how to tell if a guy is interested in me. I have a friend (he is AB) who I have known for a few years, and at times I have felt like he might like me as more than a friend, other times I feel like he is just being nice. (BTW what does a guy do when he is around a women he likes, are there any universal signs that say to a girl that a guy likes her??)

I have been thinking about asking him to lunch (only as friends) as all of our contact in the past has either been in the classroom setting, or email/IM. (He has never asked me to do anything outside of school) I am afraid of what his reaction might be, if he he thought I was asking him because I liked him, and if he didn't like me he might be scared away and not feel comfortable speaking with me.

My main question is to those who have CP and have been involved in a relationship (either dating or marriage). Did you initiate the relationship, or did your partner initiate things? I've asked a few AB people a similiar question, and they usually say that I should wait for him to make a move. Also the few PWDs I have been aquainted with (who are married to an AB person) say that their AB partner made the first move. All of this makes me leery to initiate anything, but then again not knowing can also drive a person crazy

I look forward to your replies.

Christine23

 
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Old 07-27-2004, 11:21 AM   #2
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nutcase16 HB User
Re: CP and initiating relationships

I'm interested to see replies because I've never been on a date either. Not that I think I'll get a date just from these replies, I just think it's interesting. Even though I've never had a date, I'd HOPE it wouldn't be that much harder for a person with cp to initiate or others to initiate with that person (with cp).

I asked a guy out last year, and it didn't go anywhere, but only because I think I asked him out for the wrong reasons (He was a friend, and I asked him out simply because I've never had a relationship, and I wanted one NOW) WRONG reasons. Anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong with initiating. Your friends' advice is great, but you have to do what you want to do and not analyze so much. There's no single way to get a date, everyone is different.

I realize this might not have helped much, but I don't think there's one answer anyone can give you. Do what works for you, whether that be initiating or not. Oh, I think asking him out to lunch is a GREAT idea, I think he'll get the hint and take it from there if he wants to. Asking him to lunch is initiating, or at least starting to initiate if you ask me. Good luck!

Last edited by nutcase16; 07-27-2004 at 11:27 AM.

 
Old 07-27-2004, 03:54 PM   #3
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JellyRJFan HB User
Re: CP and initiating relationships

Christine, I can't be of much help since I've never been in a relationship either, but I say go for it! Just asking him to lunch won't hurt anything, and you can let him take it from there if you want

 
Old 07-27-2004, 04:47 PM   #4
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musicmaker650 HB User
Re: CP and initiating relationships

Girls,
I can't believe this! I was born with Spastic Diplegia CP. I wore leg braces until 11 years of age. I walked with Lofstrand type cruches (over the forearm padded cuffs) until I was 16. I had many operations on both legs, ankles and feet. I learned to play the electric guitar at 13. I was in a rock band in High School and College. I lost my virginity at 18 and I was married at 22 to my first wife, an AB woman. I went on my first date at 15. It was a double date with an AB friend of mine. I didn't seriously date my first girl with a disability until after my second divorce at 32. I knew a lot of girls with disabilities in High School and College but the girls who's disabilities were like mine, dated AB boys. It's a matter of strong self-confidence and self-esteem. At 18, I lived with a nude dancer in Los Angeles for 6 months. This woman made money with her body. She was physically beautiful. She was 32, I was 18. This did wonders for my confidence. After we broke up, I dated many women, all AB women... Sometimes I initiated the contact and date, sometimes the woman initiated the contact and date.

Don't be afraid to approach anyone you might be interested in. The skills to be able to do this should have been developed and perfected in school. All they can say is yes or no. I found that when I asked women, the overwealming answer was yes! I have been asked out on a date many times too. It was easy because I was in a band, to meet people. I have been married 3 times. My current wife and I have been married 4 years. She is AB... We have no children. I am 54, my wife is 41.

Although I prefer AB women, I'm curious if you girls prefer AB men? I have nothing against women with disabilities. I have known many beautiful women, both physically and mentally with disabilities, CP included

 
Old 07-27-2004, 06:11 PM   #5
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JellyRJFan HB User
Re: CP and initiating relationships

I haven't known many men with disabilities in my life, so I can't really say... but all the guys I have been attracted to or have considered dating have been AB. Like you, I have nothing against men with disabilities. If the right one came along and he happened to have a disability it would not matter, I would still date him

 
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