What a day, I don't know why I take things the way I do...Well remember how I posted some time ago about feeling uncomfortable on the phone, well I had called a health club earlier to ask about prices to join for the summer. Needless to say, I "talked" to myself before making the call and felt ok about it. Well I ask to about the prices and he tells me that this club is for "students only." I don't know if I should name the gym, however most of you should know it esp those who live in the northeast. I really was upset - I think he delibertaly said this b/c I might have "sounded" like I have a disability b/c of my voice and that he didn't want the gym responsible if indeed he pictured in his mind this disabled person...I just said, I'm sorry I had no idea and hung up. I'm sure he was wrong! Why couldn't I defend myself and say, no you are a health gym, that caters to everyone's needs. Since when is this a "students only" gym? I was so upset. Why can't I say this??? And stick up for myself???
Then I go to the mall and get a cold drink. I just have some difficulty with counting change sometimes...why? B/c I think, oh the people behind me are thinking I'm taking too long etc. Why can't I just be calm? Then a go to grab my cup and let's just say thank God there was a lid. I cannot carry a drink in my hands...my body just tenses. But at home I do just fine. Why oh why? I'm so upset about this
My "problem" has become psychological and I feel it's taking over and I'm afraid I can't stop it. i read all your posts all the time and I understand that you guys have much more to deal with than I, and God Bless You all for being such couragous people. Why can't I be like you? And I tell you my problem is next to nothing. I have a very good friend who I think she might ask me to be her maid of honor and baptise her first child and I'm tearfully admitting to you that I might turn her down And that will upset her tremendously. She always tells me to forget about my problem thats now only in my head, and I tell you I can't! I'm not a child anymore and I don't have any excuse like that, I'm an adult and I just can't come to terms with this...what should I do? Even a psychologist told me you have nothing! Should I buy ten drinks a day and just walk up & down with them?!! Should I just randomly call places to just get used to it? I'm so terrified of looking incompetent and spill things. Even the rudest people on earth can hold a glass, not spill it, talk calmly on the phone, are they better than me? In that respect, yes. But I acknowledge my own positive attributes, I know I'm a good person, I try to help others, be a productive person on earth, yet I have come to limit myself. I wish my mother could have been more helpful...growing up she would tell me, people talk and don't give them reason to talk about you, and I'm so upset my first born had this problem and I have to worry about you all my life...why couldn't she be more positive? I think she made things worse for me. In a world that is so turbulant and becoming more restrictive every day, I feel like I'm slowly ending it in a way....I guess I just had a rough day. Thanks for listening...
Firstly, as you realize...it's not in all in your head. Your CP has physical manifestations, which cause you to stress out and worry about how people percieve you...you shouldn't worry about how people percieve you or what they think - because there's nothing you can do about them! You can only control your thoughts, actions, etc., no one elses. So what if you spill things? Not only people with CP spill things. I spill things too sometimes, especially if I'm walking fast or something. So if I'm with someone else, like my mom, I'll have her carry drinks, and I'll grab something else. If I'm not with someone else, I'll not fill the cup as full, or put a lid on it, or take a drink or two to lower it down before I start to walk. And yes, I've spilled stuff, and spilled stuff on me...and I've just come to realize it's gonna happen sometimes! One other thing that helps a lot, is when I'm out and about, I like drinking out of travel mugs...mostly because I drink a lot of coffee and tea, but I use them for other stuff, too. They are great because if you drop em, fall down, whatever, there's a chance you might not spill stuff...plus, unlike glass, they don't break (very easy, at least). Practice makes peerfect - so talk on the phone, carry drinks...the more you do it, the better you get, and the more you learn to compensate and adapt to make things easier for yourself!
It's ok to spill stuff from time to time. Having trouble with somethings helps us to figure out better ways to do them. I love Midg's travel mug idea. That's a great one Midg. I went to the movies today, I ueually just buy drinks that come in pastic bottles with caps. So maybe that is something else you can try.
Most stores or resteraunts will be happy to help if they can. Wheather a person has a diability or not, you are still a paying customer. I'm still trying to figure out a way to get my own food at a buffet style restraunt. Having a lot of trouble with that one but I know I'll get it.
As far as the gym goes, is there anyone you know that would be willing to go in and ask to join? If they are let in and you were not that gym could get themselves in some trouble.
But also check around to other gyms that may be more accomadating.
Try not to worry so much about making mistakes that's how we learn. Heck I once spilled a whole gallon of orange juice on my kitchen floor. You know how sticky orange juice is. Well I do. It took me a couple of hours to clean it up.
You can bet I make sure that cover is on tight now.
Thanks guys once again. Midget, you are correct in saying that CP, in any level, has its own physical manifestations that are uncontrolled. What bothers me is that I can't seem to get it out of my mind.To be honest, I have improved quite a bit...there was a time when the "paying" for an item was so impossible to do, I mean give/take the change. My hand would just do a jerking motion when a person would hand the change back, or it would just tremble a bit. I would then get these weird stares from the cashier like, "where did that come from" You were fine a minute ago." Oh, how embarrasing that was But know I've managed to calm it somewhat, meaning be more at ease with picking out coins etc, however I "subconsciously" hold my breath sometimes and that prevents me from breathing and makes me MORE nervous b/c I become breathy. There are times when "thank you" is hardly audible and I can't seem to get it right! I tell myself, just breath and speak lound enough but it doesn't work!
About the coffee, it's a frozen frappichino, from Starbucks, etc...they give it to you in this plastic cup-thing. I'm so terrified that from squeezing it to hard I might crack it, lol! I order whip cream on purpose b/c it subconsciously tells me that its "covered" and when I don't see something filled to the tip, it makes me feel better that I won't spill it since i can't see it filled to the tip, could you believe it? I've also had the same stares when someone hands me something and out of the blue I jerk and spill it...it's like, you don't seem to have a problem, why did you spill it? It's so hard to explain....
As far as the gym, I'm thinking to just go in person and ask. I just have to start sticking up for myself...it's so hard to do....and ANYTHING involving myself in front of other, my body just becomes as still as could be. How will be maid of honor, if it should happen...I will just become stiff and get embarrassed. I'm thinking to go to a doctor for medication to have just for those occassions, but I dont want to resort to drugs. It gives a false sense. But I'm sure they'll help me get through it...
Linear Mode
