Boyfriend with CP - Cerebral Palsy Message Board

WMCR2001 · 06-16-2005, 08:54 PM

Hi All!

I have a boyfriend from the Internet who has CP. He has spastic CP and has a lot of spasms. He has a pump to help him control the spasms. I'm an able-bodied person.

He's a SWEETIE!!! He has been a tremendous friend to me, and we seem to get along really, really well through Instant Messages and phone conversations. I'm meeting him, for the first time, this summer. Admittingly, I'm nervous. The last time I met a guy from the Internet, he was creepy! lol This guy, on the other hand, is very honest with me and has described himself well. So I guess step 1 is I need to meet him, only because you only get 20% of all human communication through the internet/phone. However, I feel like we have chemistry so far!

Anyway, I really like this guy a lot. The only concerns I have, at this point, in our relationship are financial. Also, distance. He lives on one end of the country; I live on the other! So 3000 miles separate us! EEK! It was a miracle that I had the money to buy airfare/hotel/rental car so I can see him this summer, and right now he's in school so he doesn't have the income to see me.

He's agreed to move to my city where I live as long as he's able to get resources.

The thing that worries me is, if this relationship works out upon meeting and if he is able to move here and we get married, etc., how will we be able to afford to live? Will he be able to get himself a job, or will I need to financially support him? (That would be hard on me if we had any kids because I really have always dreamed of staying home with my kids). What do you all think?

(I really like this guy; the only complaint I have is that he keeps me up late! lol)

jlbalcer · 06-17-2005, 06:31 AM

Many people with CP are able to work, some are not. It depends a lot on the degree of their involvement. This is just something that the two of you will have to discuss and work out. It is really no different than any relationship. There is give and take, and if you two fall in love, you will figure out a way to make it work. Good luck!!!

Syrinx · 06-20-2005, 04:20 AM

Hi,
while I agree with Jlbalcer that this is something the two of you will need to discuss together I felt that I needed to say something here. The guy I dated has built a remarkable career and is able to support a family. His CP might be less involved than your boyfriend's though.

Wish you the best,
Syrinx

write · 06-20-2005, 07:51 AM

The fact that you are even considering dating a guy with CP brings a smile to my face.
I can't tell you how many girls have blew me off just by the way I walk. If it is meant to be it will be. It really is just like any other relationship, a lot of adjusting to attitudes, physical attributes, etc. nothing significantly different from dating an AB. If you really like him, go for it.

Freestyles · 06-20-2005, 09:02 AM

Quote:

The thing that worries me is, if this relationship works out upon meeting and if he is able to move here and we get married, etc., how will we be able to afford to live? Will he be able to get himself a job, or will I need to financially support him? (That would be hard on me if we had any kids because I really have always dreamed of staying home with my kids). What do you all think?

I'd have to say it's great that your thinking this far ahead in the relationship. He must be a real special guy..

It's a little hard for me to comment on his level of functionallity and his level of involvment with his CP, just because I don't know him. No two people with CP are exactly alike, but most of us are able to make do in life and work around our physical challenges.

I have spastic diplegia and am otherwise a normal active/athletic guy.
I get around using 2 canes.. This doesn't keep me from living a fully functional life. I work full time, keep active - I'm an avid alpine skier- I train at the gym 5 days a week work full-time and I keep up on my studies to keep my mind fresh.

If you don't mind my asking, how did you feel when this guy told you about his CP? I've been in situations where I'm sitting down in a bar or something and some girl would walk up to me and start up a conversation, or show obvious signs of interest. I agree with Write that some people will just blow you off when they realize that you're not like the average Joe..

Yes this can be discouraging but I see it like this... My CP is a part of who I am... To a great extent it has shaped my personality and given me the ability to relate to others and be empathetic to their needs and their differences. It's given me the ability to realize the importance of optomistic thinking.. While I was not a born optomist, I try to think like one everyday.. Eventually it does become second nature.. If she isn't willing to accept the entire package then hey, it's better that I know this and we can move on and not waste each other's time.

Try to find out as much as possible about you bf's level of functionality... It's really up to the both of you to figure out what you're comfortable with. I encourage you to look at the whole picture... Chances are he'd be a different guy if it wasn't for his CP, not the guy you've come to know. Keep this in mind...

F.S