Hi. I am brand new to these forums and really need help with my oldest child. He is 10 years old and has mild CP. He is a pretty normal looking child, but has had CP all his life and has speech and physical delays. He can do most of what other kids can do, but has trouble with certain things.
The main problem I have is his anger issues. He gets very frustrated and hits things or people when he can not accomplish a goal or yells in a very angry fashion. I am a single father and have always tried to treat him like a normal child and have high expectations for him so he doesn't feel different from other children. When he displays anger or gets bad grades, I usually take something away to try and correct his behavior, but it only seems to work for a short time since he constantly displays the same behavior over and over.
He tells me he has a very hard time controlling his behavior and says he has anger issues, which sounded very adult for him...lol. So, what can I do to correct his behavior? Are there any techniques I can do at home or do I need to seek assistance? He has had speech and physical therapy for years, so that is not helping. Thank you for your help in advance!
Hi there and welcome to the forum. I don't mean to make light of your situation but he sounds like a lot of boys his age, even without CP. Maybe hormones are starting to kick in as he reaches puberty affecting his behaviour and thought pattern. It's a really tough time for them when they start thinking like an adult but are still a child and behave as such.
Have you thought about some sort of conselling, tell him it's to give him ideas on how to cope with his 'anger issues'. Another good way is to get him to suggest what punishment he should get for misbehaving. You'll find they are usually harder on themeselves than you would have been, lol.
Tell him it's ok to get angry, it's just how he behaves while angry isn't ok. Maybe get him a punching bag? I also use timeout for my kids even the 15yo, they have to sit and face the wall, time doesn't start until they're quiet, and if half way through they start up again, then time starts again. They're there for one minute for each year of age. Not only gives them time to calm down but me too.
My 15yo girl has anger issues and I know how hard it can get, my oldest son (he's almost 21) has an intelectual disability and my youngest daughter has quad CP, my youngest son is 6 and cheeky and life here can seem like a boiling pot sometimes, but I just take each day as it comes (or go crazy, lol).
It sounds like you're doing a fantastic job already, not easy being a single parent. I hope you find some answers soon. Good luck
Last edited by Leaciesmum; 05-24-2010 at 07:25 PM.
Thanks for the reply. I do have him stand in a corner, but that only helps in the short term as well. He does a lot of things normal kids do, but you can tell when you talk to him that he has special needs. He gets triple time in school on work and has a stutter and speech impedement, but I don't know how much it all plays in his anger issues. I might give the punching bag a try though. I had him in karate last year, so he is familiar with the use. Thanks again Leaciesmum!
When all else fails, it can never hurt to take him to church to be prayed over. Modern science can't explain all that is, so as a "last resort", you might want to consider a church experienced in deliverance, which is a specialty. Most Full-Gospel, Pentecostal, and Assemblies of God churches will know what to do, delicately and discreetly. Praying for your child's peace...Jam
This is a tough one. I know I've had my moments of anger about the CP/being frustrated over not being able to do things. Have you tried just asking what he's angry about ie Are kids teasing him/frustrated over not doing stuff?
Beyond that I would say put him in situations to be successful. In my area, there is a disabled horse riding program (has been for years) and I rode from age 7 into high school. It was great. I got to be good at something without feeling different and it's great exercise without knowing it:-)
We didn't pay a dime because my Mom was a single parent, you pay what you can afford.
Also swimming ect...give him something to be good at.
Beyond all that, find him someone to talk to. I know that by the time I was 10, I felt 50. Doctors, Surgeries, mean kids, it's not for the faint of heart.
hi First I want you to know I commend you for treating your 10 year old normaly. This is exactly what you should do so don't get discouraged. You see I too was born with mild cp. My parents also treated me normally and I am sooo thankful they did! I am now a wife and mother and I held down a job for almost 11 years. enough about me and back to your young man. Has he expressed exactly what he is angry about? Is it the cp? On one level may I respectfully suggest professional counselling for him? On the other I CAN UNDERSTAND his anger and frustration but don't allow him to hurt others or himself because of his challenges. He may only regret it in the end. I DID! one thing my mom always told me is that there is someone out there who has it harder than me. When I was young I hated hearing that. But she was right!!! And remind him to be thankful for what he does have. Stay strong and don't let up on him. He will thank you when he gets to adulthood. Keep on correcting him as you do your other kids. Hope this helps. Keep up the good work! GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS. Sunnie.
Thank you all for all the replies! These suggestions are things that I am really going to try. I have asked him why he is angry but he says he doesn't know. When I ask him why he just did something, he says he thinks it is just because he has anger issues. I think I may need to schedule a visit with a counselor to see if they can target more what is causing the anger. He is a real good kid overall, he just has those moments where he will get mad and hit his brother and act out for the babysitter and scream and yell at her and my girlfriend.
It doesn't help that his mother is a dead beat criminal and he has only seen her once in the past 2 years, but he had issues before. I got him into flag football and he liked it but gets disinterested in things quickly. My girlfriend actually mentioned swimming and I think that would be great for him, especially since he has little mass to him. Could really build up his strength.
Being a single father in the military (deployed right now), it is hard to consistently work with him and his problems. Like I said, I treat him normally because I want him to grow up and live a normal life as much as possible, but he is starting to realize that he has some disabilities. He can not athletically keep up with anyone in his age group or even 2-3 groups below and he stutters a lot causing people to tease him more and more. I try and give him confidence and tell him why he is so special and that makes him happy. I tell him how the doctor gave him a 5% chance of living and said even if he did live he would be a vegetable. He likes the part where I tell him that he was so small that he could fit in the palm of my hand. His brother likes the stories too...lol.
I am making a list of ideas everyone is writing so I can try and implement each one. This is why I came in this forum. I need the help of people who have actually gone through some of the things that my son is or will be going through. I want him to gain confidence and become a strong young man and be happier rather than feeling like a person about to combust at times.
Thank you Sunnie for sharing your thoughts. I would really be interested in anything else you could share with me about your experiences. Ok this is getting really long..lol. Thanks again!
Yeah we have anger issues with our 6yo too. Not sure if it is age related or CP related or both. When he gets frustrated or upset it ends in a full scale tantrum and we have tried numerous ways to both prevent and stop it happening. Still not there yet...no magic bullet!! A lot of the time it is over his toileting but thats another story. Sometimes it is hard to know whether its CP related huh?
My niece is twelve now, and around ten and eleven she started to have problems with being angry. Who can blame her? She is just like any other kid with a few differences. I told her that if everyone is the same, this world would be so boring I wouldn't want to live. I've told her that everyone has something about them that is different and sometimes you can see those differences and sometimes you can't. I've also told her about snarky children and adults, that their difference is that they are not smart enough to look at people and see individuals instead of looking for what's standing out. I've also told her that it is these people that have a severe disability and she should pray for them because they are living on the outskirts of life and not really living life because their way prevents them from doing so and that is why she should pray for them. My niece and I go to church, she is very devout to God, and I believe having a church family has helped her tremendously. I try to provide her with releases for her anger. Yes, it can be time-consuming and sometimes expensive but I think its worth it because anybody that is angery for any reason needs to have ways to release it.
I told her that if everyone is the same, this world would be so boring I wouldn't want to live. I've told her that everyone has something about them that is different and sometimes you can see those differences and sometimes you can't. I've also told her about snarky children and adults, that their difference is that they are not smart enough to look at people and see individuals instead of looking for what's standing out. I've also told her that it is these people that have a severe disability and she should pray for them because they are living on the outskirts of life and not really living life because their way prevents them from doing so and that is why she should pray for them.
What great advice, I will certainly try to remember this when my girl gets older. She starts Kinder next year and I know this is when she will go from our quite, accepting, sheltered life to realising she is different from the other kids. I know she is going to have both good and bad experiences and I pray we are both strong enough to get through them.
Hi I am new on here but I seen your cry for help. My cousin has two boys who both sound like your son. She has the same problems with trying to punish, or set guideline. I always thought it was her being lazy then once I was over there more I realized that the kids really do not learn like my son or other children their age. She does have to spend a great deal with the school and the ISD programs, and counselors involved with how the children learn and how it is now easier for her in how she sets up guideline for the boys. I pray all goes well for you and your son in the future. I know anger is a hard habit to break. I know this from my own anger issues that I have. I think that if anything you should try to have a heart to heart with him and see what he says, go by that and you should be able to know what you can do to help guide him in the right direction. Good Luck and God Bless.