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Old 04-18-2011, 04:51 PM   #1
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CrippledCrow88 HB User
Unhappy I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

Hi guys, my name Evan and I'm 22. I am new and looking for encouragement due to an unfortunate situation.

To start off, I have a mild case of CP. My right side is most affected, but I am intelligent and mobile, as I can get around alright and have proved my mind's worth by getting my GED.

From the very start of my life, my parents were very neglectful of my condition and life in general, they didn't care much about the everyday responsibilities of life.

during this time, my parents and I grew resentful of each other so once I graduated I decided to move in with a "AB" girl (as you like to put it) I had shared my ordeals with over the internet and she seemed very understanding.

of course I let the relationship grow a year or so before I made my choice, seeing as she was out of state.

But I moved in with her and her parents, and we really hit it off and fell in love. However, one thing I started to learn was that she had a very week immune system and is bipolar.

but I accepted this, and actually helped her out as much as I could. Because thats love, right?

Well once her mom heard of my life before hand, she felt sorry for me and did things to make me feel more comfortable so she fixed meals and took us places etc.

I thought she was just being nice, but not only did I get use to the routine her daughter did as well.

Now I've proven I can do dishes, put things away etc. So I'd get up ask and insisted let me start doing stuff. She'd say no I or (my girlfriend) don't feel well go chill so I would, I try to clean things anyways somedays but I got more use to no so I stopped asking.

My girlfriend started having to referee for her parents issues, so that weighed on her bipolar problem and me getting worried about why she was moody all the time made it worse etc.

But before the post gets too long the crashing point is this, despite the bad times me and my girl really had good times 5 years to be exact.

but recently I woke up with that... "I gotta change" mindset, I asked her parents to help me get a job and they refused, saying we need to work as a whole and that I was moving against them.

So I tried showing I want to change by getting up earlier and cleaning, and they panicked because I didn't consult them.

with that I blew up and told my girlfriend we need a "break" didn't say it was over because of the long term(5 years) and said I'm not getting what I need here I wanna visit my Aunt/Uncle because they were willing to help me get on my feet.

But because I wanted to leave for a while to better myself, she completely ended it like all these years were nothing.

and now I'm hurt because I see no regret in her eyes, her parents are actually mocking my CP, saying with you gone she'll get the hottest guy ever, you'll amount to nothing etc.

and thats not the girlfriend I knew for 5 years... and while I do have some encouragement from friends and family saying that I was treated wrong, I'm finding it hard to let go and start fresh because of all the years put into it, and the fear of "not being good enough".

My flight leaves in a week or so and I'm still attached, while her and her family seem to be relieved I'm gone.

I dunno...I guess I just was hoping this was a safe place for people with CP I don't mean to crowd the site.

 
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Old 04-23-2011, 02:03 PM   #2
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Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

I hear yah. I think they all liked being "needed". You know what i mean? You need them, then you showed that you wanted to better yourself, and they know longer felt needed. Try not to take it personal, although that does sound ridiculous, of course you do feel hurt. But try to go on, Gods got a big plan for you, keep going forward friend

 
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Old 04-23-2011, 03:24 PM   #3
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nwmom HB User
Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

It's too bad you couldn't talk her into living with you somewhere besides her parents' place. Things might have worked out much better that way. Best of luck.
nwmom

 
Old 04-23-2011, 03:32 PM   #4
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Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

You know I think everyone that has c/p has an inter strenght I know it sounds kind of corny but I beleive it. Hang in there crippledcrow88, there a reason for everything we just don't usually find out until much later. Whitesugar, I meant to tell you you probly need to find a good neuro DR. and tell them about your c/p. I found one The funny thing is I failed there neuro test and they did all these mri"s they found out where it is and I also have it in my upper body that would explain alot thru the years of pain in my neck and back and shoulders and where the arthris is so Hope this help you and others.

 
Old 04-24-2011, 07:05 AM   #5
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Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

Her parents' behavior is entirely inexplicable to me.
All I can think, as the mother of young adults with social and emotional problems myself, is that her parents may have been so grateful for you coming along and improving their daughter's condition (at least temporarily) that they wanted to do anything and everything to keep you there, and thereby keep their daughter happy and safe.
Perhaps as time went on, they began to realize that you weren't a magic happy pill that would cure everything that was wrong with their child after all.
Maybe by the time you left, they realized that she was doing just as well (or poorly) with or without you. And maybe that's when they decided they didn't need you after all, and would try to find someone else to make their daughter happy.

In effect, what I'm saying is that it sounds liked they used you... and that now they don't need you anymore.

It's a terrible thing, but you sound much stronger and healthier emotionally than this girl or in fact her parents.
In the long run, they would've only dragged you down.
Find a healthier situation for yourself. Good luck.
You can do anything you want; my younger sister has moderate-to-severe CP and is a highly successful professional in the tech industry. I have no disabilities, but I'm not half as successful in life as she is.
You CAN do whatever you want.

Best of luck.

Last edited by Kali333; 04-24-2011 at 07:06 AM.

 
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Old 04-24-2011, 07:37 AM   #6
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Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

I agree with Kali333, What is a (AB girl)?

 
Old 05-03-2011, 12:09 PM   #7
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CrippledCrow88 HB User
Thumbs up Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

Update: 1st of all thank you all for your time and support, Family and friends have lifted me up greatly.

but its always heart warming to get support from people who live with CP as well because we've all been there in one way or another.

I landed safely and my Aunt and Uncle are very supportive.

In my 1st week back home I did my laundry, cooked, and have been doing hard yardwork.

This Thurs. they are letting me tour a job school so that I can learn the ropes of a job.

and they have gym equipment so I've been trying to get in shape.

but everything is looking up, its just a matter of letting go.

will let you guys know whats new as they come along.

I think the thing that worries me the most no matter how distant from my mind it is..is the dating scene, a lot of insults were thrown at me..getting in my head, ya know?

Much Love, Thanks!

 
Old 05-03-2011, 12:27 PM   #8
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Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

I've tried many times to get her to move out with me, giving her parents more motivation to move us forward.

In fact before the "moving back home" fallout, I asked to get an apartment nearby but they said if I did they were done with me..so, yeah... huge abandonment issues there.

Thanks!

 
Old 05-03-2011, 05:11 PM   #9
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Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

Thanks for keeping informed. I glad things are looking up for you you sound like your going in the right direction. Keep your head held high. Things will get better Take very good care of your self Thats my only regret. I just acted like I didn't have cerebral palsey and know I have to pay the price for that. I am doing PT and tryig to keep doing the stretching exercises do you have spastic cerebral palsey? what kind do you have? Have A good night

 
Old 05-03-2011, 08:46 PM   #10
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CrippledCrow88 HB User
Smile Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jgrangran View Post
Thanks for keeping informed. I glad things are looking up for you you sound like your going in the right direction. Keep your head held high. Things will get better Take very good care of your self Thats my only regret. I just acted like I didn't have cerebral palsey and know I have to pay the price for that. I am doing PT and tryig to keep doing the stretching exercises do you have spastic cerebral palsey? what kind do you have? Have A good night
Not a problem, Thank you all for caring.

My CP affects my right side, I can walk and talk just fine its just that my right side isn't running at 100%, most noticeable(to me anyway) is my right arm, I can't use it fully, the baclofen pump helps but not enough to make my hand as useable as I'd like.

I don't get spasms, but my heart goes out to anyone who does seeing as I've witnessed it in a nurses office before.

As for education, I clawed my way out of special ed classes(which I think is wrong in a lot of cases) and moved on to normal classes, but because of my living situation I could not attend school long enough to get a standard diploma.

and so I got my GED, and thats where I'm at now looking forward. I go to a job school Thurs.. not sure how I feel about it yet, as my dream is to be in the field of paleontology even if its the bottom of that career ladder.

But my reasoning is the job school will help me save up for that dream. I want to believe I can get there someday but we people with CP or any disability for that matter have odds stacked against us from day one.

Anyway Thanks again, and I will get back to you all when I can.

 
Old 05-03-2011, 09:34 PM   #11
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Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

Keep reaching for your dreams. Despite having CP, it is possible to get a college education and get a job. I have a bachelor's degree, and I am working on my Master's degree. I have also had several jobs during the last 8 years. My CP affects my legs and my right arm, but I don't let that bother me for the most part. I use my limitations as motivation to better myself.

Hang in there!

 
Old 05-09-2011, 07:18 AM   #12
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CrippledCrow88 HB User
Re: I'm new, and have a situation ahead of me.

Update: Well, me and my aunt went to that school orientation.

I dunno what to think yet, the presentation was very unorganized and they made it seem like once you leave here what you have chosen as a career there will define you for the rest of your life.

My Aunt reassures me that's not the case, and knows I have bigger dreams then that. This is just a stepping stone in our eyes.

The Place is called Vocational Rehabilitation, or "VR" so anyone who's taken the program please share your experience.

but I go back next week to have a meeting with a counselor.

We shall see.

 
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