I'm welcoming all suggestions and comments. I just need some sound advice. I have a DD who is 2. She is very smart, tall for her age, speaks in complete sentences, etc. She appears to be 3 instead of just turning 2. She goes to daycare full-time. It's an in-home daycare with only one other child there.....a boy (Andy) who is one year old. A few weeks ago she came home with a red mark under her eye and I asked about it. Daycare mother said the little boy had hit her with a toy. Okay, no big deal. Then she mentioned that my DD likes to push Andy down. I don't have any friends with children, so the only time my DD is around other kids is at daycare. So, yesterday when I got to daycare to pick my child up, my daycare mother says that Andy's mom wants to talk to me. She was on the floor playing with the children. I said, what's wrong? She said "Your DD is abusing Andy again." I said what happened? She said that while the daycare mother was fixing lunch she left them to play in the playroom and she heard Andy screaming. She went in to find him on the floor and as the day went on a black eye appeared. I was confused as to what exactly I was supposed to do next. So finally I said well if I had been here, I would have corrected her, but I wasn't here. 5 hours later is not the time, in my opinion, to correct something. I told the daycare mother that I was not opposed to her putting my DD in time out. And I thought she had told me she put her in time out before. I'm really at my wits end with this situation. Am I not doing what needs to be done? I feel that I'm paying (good money) for my child to be taken care of while I'm at work and I'm not sure what is going on. Why am I being blamed for something when I'm at work? Is this a stage that my DD is going through? Are they around each other so much, it's like a brother/sister situation? I just feel that the daycare mother should not have the parents approaching each other at the end of the day. Please comment. I really need some input.
Well to add to the story, I called to check in today and the mom of Andy dropped him off this moring and said, "apparently Andy gets more discipline at home than she (DD) does." Her child is ONE. Mine is TWO. They are children and still learning right from wrong. Telling them once doesn't do the trick.
DS goes to a large daycare center and at that age there were 6-8 kids in his group. IMO, the daycare provider is the one who should be speaking to you about this NOT the other parent. The daycare provider should also be ready to anticipate the behavior. Example would be biting -- usually there are signs that a child is going to bite someone else and the key is to avoid that behavior by distracting the child. The reason I mention biting is because DS was both victim AND biter for a brief period of time in his daycare career.
Children this age, don't quite understand the concept of causing pain. They're forever getting into trouble for not being gentle, for pulling the family pets ears or tail, pinching, biting....
IMO, ignore the other mom. If she's unhappy with the daycare then maybe she should look elsewhere instead of attacking you and your parenting.
I completely agree 100% with everything the other poster said.
Daycare mother should be anticipating some of this behavior at this particular age. I understand that we cannot always be in the same room; however, request that she is with your dd for your own sanity. Or take Andy with her (since he is the younger one).
There is a huge age gap between one and two years old. By now, your daughter knows what she wants and is willing to exert some force to get it. Sounds like Andy is the innocent bystander...and he can't really defend himself. Like the other poster said, she doesn't mean to cause pain. Pain is simply the effect (unfortunately).
Definitely do not speak to Andy's mom anymore. It's not your problem. It's daycare mother and Andy's mother's problem. The only thing you can do is correct when you're around, encourage positive behavior, etc. Keep checking in daily and ignore comments from the other woman.
Hang in there. I went through the same thing with my son between the ages of 2-3. It is very normal - the hitting, pushing, etc. Not that all kids do it, but it is definitely a stage for many. My son is now 3 and I still watch him like a hawk when he is around other kids b/c I know how he can be with sharing, etc.
I think it was totally wrong for the other mother to talk to you. The daycare Director should had talked to you and handled the situation. In large chain day cares, they are never allowed to say the name of the child who caused injury so that other parents do not retaliate.
I agree that the provider can stress time out with your daughter and discipline her when she does hit. However, if that other mom talks to you again or makes you feel bad, you might want to remind her that her son will be 2 in a year and will most likely be doing the same thing to smaller children.
I don't think you have done anything wrong and the owner should never take an eye off the children, even when making lunch. That is not an excuse! Maybe she needs an assistant or something. How many children does she watch?
Hello, I just want to say that in my opinion this is in NO WAY your fault! Your child is 2 years old and this is typical 2 year old behaviour. What I do have a problem with is the daycare provider - Why in the world is she leaving these two babies alone while she goes to fix lunch? They are the only 2 she watches right? Why can't she bring them into the other room with her to fix lunch? She should not be leaving them alone at all. It takes only seconds for accidents to happen. And why is she telling you what the other mother said?? This is very unprofessional and will only cause friction. It is this woman's job to keep them safe and WATCH them. Any blame here goes to the daycare provider and any complaints also go to her and only her. Sure she should inform the parent but not by repeating ignorant comments made by the other parent. Are you sure about this place? Is it a licensed daycare or is she a babysitter? Seems to me she can't handle 2 kids - what happens if she takes on more? Maybe you can talk to her and suggest she not leave them alone? Does she have appropriate equipment like playpens? I know some people don't believe in these things however they can be very helpful for a short period of time. I wish you luck here - let us know how things are going.
I did speak with her and she is now going to put them in their highchairs while she fixes lunch so she can keep an eye on them.
Yes, it does seem unprofessional for her to tell what the other parents are saying. In her defense, (somewhat ) she tries her best to make her daycare feel like home and family. I guess she wants us all to get along be "family". It's hard for the other mother not to know who hurt her child, as there are only 2 kids there.
When I first started taking my DD there, she had 6 kids total. They were all about 3 or 4 years old. They've now moved on to preschool or kindergarten. So my DD went from being the baby, to being the "big kid" about 6 months ago. I do think that my daycare mother is used to dealing with older children.
Yes, she is licensed in our state. Don't get me wrong, I want to know about the behaviors of my DD when I'm not there. But if the other mother approaches me again, I am just going to tell her that she needs to take it up with her daycare provider, not me.
So for now, things are okay. My DD has talked about time out all weekend. There is now a special stool at her daycare for her to sit in for time out. She even puts her dolls in time out now. We just do time out on our sofa at home. So hopefully, things will get better. Thanks for all comments, and I'm still welcoming more (from previous posters or new). Thanks!!!!!!
My daycare mother was terrific, but her 2 yr old daughter kept biting my kids (2 and 1). My husband and I didn't know what to do either. Eventually, she grew out of it. I wasn't happy that my kids were getting bitten at daycare, but I did understand it was a stage of growth that some kids go through. You might try role playing situations at home to help her understand her actions better, but she may not yet be developmentally ready to understand what she is doing.
Something else to be aware of is your DD's moods when she's "beating up" Andy. Is she being mean to him, or is she just playing too rough?
My 4 year old daughter beats the snot out of my 19 month old on a daily basis, but never out of meanness! She just loves her baby sister so much, she gets too excited with her and, well..... we have daily middle sister induced bruises on my 19 month old as a result (I swear, it looks like she is abused!). I talk to my 4 year old about how her baby sister is very breakable and she needs to calm down and be gentle, but the baby LOVES her sister and won't stay away from her, so what can I do??? Most of her bruises are from being tackled on the tile floor, or accidentally poked with some kind of toy as big sister is flying at her for a love or a hug!
Anyway, it's just a thought I had as I was reading your original post. For the record, the daycare mother was dead wrong for leaving the children unattended, for telling the other mother anything about your child, and for allowing the other mother to approach you about it. I'm glad things are improving at least! Hopefully they'll continue to do so???