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Old 10-28-2010, 04:52 PM   #1
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Unhappy Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Hi everyone, I am about at my wit's end with my 8 year old son's bad behavior! He has always been "shy" and quiet. He talked and interacted fine at home, but at preschool and kindergarten he would not talk to anyone. He just glared at people when they talked to him and got upset if they persisted with questions. He would point fingers at them and glare at them until they just left him alone, probably thinking 'what a brat!' Since then, he won't answer people when they speak to him. He doesn't really glare at people anymore, he just won't look anybody in the face, he looks away off to the side or at something else when they talk to him. He is mean to other kids at school. He has a few friends there, but mostly is mean to others. He is very smart and has great grades at school, but the constant concern is this issue with every teacher he has ever had. He even does this to me sometimes. At home, one on one, he could be fine one moment, and then start doing this for no reason the next. He is so hateful! And I don't understand why. We are not abusive or even remotely mean to him, but we don't spoil him either. I have taken him to 2 separate child psychologists for evaluation for behavioral disorders or something, don't know exactly what I was looking for, just some sort of answer or suggestion or something! They both said that they don't see anything wrong with him. I don't know what to do! Today we had a great morning, nothing bad happened between us or anything, then this afternoon when I picked him up from school I said "Hi, how was your day?" and he glared at me and said "Fine until you got here!". I have him in his room for his bad attitude for the afternoon. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried time-outs, positive reinforcement, behavior charts, spanking, even reasoning with him which I didn't expect would work, I just don't know. Any thoughts or suggestions? He can be so lovable at times, but then just is mean at other times. I never know what to expect.....thanks

 
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Old 10-29-2010, 10:58 AM   #2
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

I've got an 11 year old son with behavior problems (including ADHD, ODD, & Bipolar) so I feel your pain. The best thing that we did with our son was have him evaluated for special education by the public school district. They will review your child's medical history, interview teachers, interview parents, as well as conduct extensive interviews and observations of him. It was far more thorough than anything any of my son's doctors and psychologists had done. My son opened up to them more than he did anyone else and we learned that he had a lot more problems with self esteem and anxiety than anyone had realized. His individual education program includes an adaptive behavior course that teaches him how to interact with other people and keep better control of himself. Since getting that IEP set up, he has gone from an average of 3 days per week of in school suspension to once in 7 months.

One thing we did notice about our son was that he would act out on purpose because he actually liked the punishment in some cases. He preferred to be in his room, not bothered by his sister or having to deal with any of the rest of the family. He preferred to be in the ISS room at school because there were fewer kids to deal with.

Also, have they tested him for Asperger's?

 
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Old 10-29-2010, 11:14 AM   #3
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Thanks for the response. At the first psychologist's appointment, I enrolled him in a workshop for social anxiety in children. It was a group workshop, but also gave individual attention to each child enrolled. He actually enjoyed going, but it didn't help him any. I did request at our most recent appointment with the psychologist that they test him for Asperger's. The psychologist said that he did not exhibit enough characteristics of Asperger's to warrant testing him. It was a little disappointing. What's it going to hurt to test him? If he doesn't have it, he doesn't have it, but better to know definitively. They instead did an IQ test on him and told me that he has a very high IQ, and that he seems to have problems identifying with his peers. That all is fine, and makes sense, but he doesn't just act out with his peers. He does it with adults, whether familiar or strangers, as well. I have not yet requested evaluation by the school district. It was offered to me when he was 6, when I confided in his teacher that I just didn't know what to do and that I had tried everything under the sun to no avail, but I declined it at the time. :-( That was when I started taking him to a private child psychologist, as I didn't want him to undergo an IEP at school if it was unwarranted. I'm starting to just wish I had gone along with it in the first place and may have to request an IEP anyway.

 
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Old 10-29-2010, 12:18 PM   #4
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Hi, i think the psychologist should re-evaluate him for ODD and bipolar and go from there and see what they get. There could be a possibility for some kind of deep anger issue twards everyone as you have said. I hope my comments help and good luck.
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Old 10-29-2010, 01:43 PM   #5
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Thanks for the comment RANDOL. I did not know what ODD was so I looked it up. He does exhibit a lot of the characteristics of ODD at home at sometimes at school. The problem with his visits with his psychiatrists is that he is polite and listens and talks, sometimes reluctantly, but gives appropriate answers when he is questioned. I don't know if something in the office just makes him feel comfortable, but I really feel like it is because these are one on one sessions, not a lot of people present, which is when acts out more. I feel like the psychiatrists are thinking there is something wrong with me for bringing him for evaluation when he is so well-behaved in their offices! ODD seems kind of scary to me and it appears to be something that needs to be explored as soon as it is expected, because once these kids get older they can end up getting in a lot of trouble for their actions.

 
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Old 10-29-2010, 01:57 PM   #6
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Its not a problem, Ive seen ADHD,ODD and bipolar up close and personal and how tha actions are but doesnt make me an expert of corse lol. My nephew on my wife's side has all of the classifacations and is not pleasent to be around at times when things go flying around the house and doesnt have respect for many people at all but ive seen it before and wish you luck with findind out what his issues are and where the anger comes from. Good luck
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Old 10-29-2010, 02:00 PM   #7
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

I am surprised that the psychologist said he didn't exhibit the characteristics of Asbergers's Syndrome. Two of the main characteristics are high IQ and poor social interactions with peers and others. Request the evaluation from your school district. Be sure to post when you have some results.

 
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Old 10-29-2010, 02:28 PM   #8
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

I agree with Rudiraven about the Asbergers,it can be a possible colprit.
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Old 11-06-2010, 10:22 PM   #9
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

I also agree with rudiraven.

 
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Old 11-06-2010, 10:36 PM   #10
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Thanks, all. I did a lot of research on Asperger's before my son's last appt, earlier this year. I printed out material, found a really good behavior checklist, filled it out, and brought it to the psychologist. I was very disappointed when he refused to test my son. He was in a one on one meeting with my son. That's way different than a classroom setting, or other social occasion. My son was uncharacteristically not shy, answered all his questions, was polite, and even appeared to enjoy himself. So the psychologist just did not see what I was reporting. I even brought my mother with me, who watches him after school while I am at work, so she could corroborate my information.

He has an IEP meeting coming up at school. I think I will request an Asperger's evaluation at that time. If he doesn't have it, well then, I'm not anywhere worse than I am now. But I really do think that he exhibits a lot of those characteristics.

Asperger's would definitely be a more 'desirable' diagnosis than ODD...in my opinion. I hope that doesn't sound bad. I would love my son either way, but Asperger's is mostly a problem with social situations/social anxiety/inabilities, not actual defiance/acting out.

 
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Old 11-11-2010, 04:34 PM   #11
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

my mom had the same problem with my brother he acted the same way and she took him to see so many people and they all just said that he was a bad kid but when he was 11 one of his teachers referred him to a doctor and we finally found someone who finally knew what was goin on. my brother was diagnosed with asbergers (not sure if this is how it is spelled) which is an autism spectrum disorder and he is 16 now doing great

 
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Old 12-07-2010, 05:39 AM   #12
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Don't give up. Keep searching. There is a program call Brain Balance that you might want to check out - not sure of all the locations. It is expensive and time consuming (3x a week visits for an hour) but helped my son so much. They also have financial aid available - not sure of the details. What age is your child? If school age, know your rights in order to gain the help needed within the classroom to help your child. Don't let anyone just write him off as "bad". I've been there.
Also, I never believed in the whole diet thing but it is something to consider...red food dye, sugar, etc. It can seriously cause behavior problems.

 
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Old 12-26-2010, 05:19 PM   #13
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Quote:
Originally Posted by u164883 View Post
Hi everyone, I am about at my wit's end with my 8 year old son's bad behavior! He has always been "shy" and quiet. He talked and interacted fine at home, but at preschool and kindergarten he would not talk to anyone. He just glared at people when they talked to him and got upset if they persisted with questions. He would point fingers at them and glare at them until they just left him alone, probably thinking 'what a brat!' Since then, he won't answer people when they speak to him. He doesn't really glare at people anymore, he just won't look anybody in the face, he looks away off to the side or at something else when they talk to him. He is mean to other kids at school. He has a few friends there, but mostly is mean to others. He is very smart and has great grades at school, but the constant concern is this issue with every teacher he has ever had. He even does this to me sometimes. At home, one on one, he could be fine one moment, and then start doing this for no reason the next. He is so hateful! And I don't understand why. We are not abusive or even remotely mean to him, but we don't spoil him either. I have taken him to 2 separate child psychologists for evaluation for behavioral disorders or something, don't know exactly what I was looking for, just some sort of answer or suggestion or something! They both said that they don't see anything wrong with him. I don't know what to do! Today we had a great morning, nothing bad happened between us or anything, then this afternoon when I picked him up from school I said "Hi, how was your day?" and he glared at me and said "Fine until you got here!". I have him in his room for his bad attitude for the afternoon. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried time-outs, positive reinforcement, behavior charts, spanking, even reasoning with him which I didn't expect would work, I just don't know. Any thoughts or suggestions? He can be so lovable at times, but then just is mean at other times. I never know what to expect.....thanks
Sounds like you need Behavior Specialists who deal with kids that are special needs. Ask at school or at your local ARC program. Or call Kennedy Kreiger Institute in Baltimore, maryland for some help!!

 
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Old 12-26-2010, 07:29 PM   #14
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Did you ever ask your son when he was in the good mood why does he do this or does he notice how he changes?

 
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Old 12-27-2010, 08:43 AM   #15
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Re: Behavioral Issue that nobody can help with

Yes and my son answers "I don't know mom"...and you know what, I have come to realize that he really does not know.

 
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