I'm not sure this is the right board for this. But I was wondering about your thoughts on spanking a child. Can you go to jail for this or anything like that?
Everybody has different views as to whether to spank the child or not. I have a friend who works for the Family and Children Services here in Georgia, and she told me that if I spank, it has to be open handed on the butt and nothing will be said to me. I do spank if the situation is warranted.
I don't think there are any laws that could send you to jail for spanking a child; but if it is done abusively, that's another story. The good book says of the question:
Isn't the saying of "spare the rod and spoil the child" a barbaric concept, which encourages child abuse?
PROVERBS CHAPTER 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
As usual, society has it BACKWARDS! The bible states that those who DO NOT spank their children are acting out a form of HATE toward them, and those who DO so are the ones who really LOVE them.
AND
PROVERBS CHAPTER 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
This verse is God speaking to parents, HE SAYS that the rod of correction WILL WORK. True violence, is WITHHOLDING punishment from unruly youth.
There is a lot of controversy on this subject. You have to use this 'tool' effectively and usually only when the child is doing something that could endanger their welfare. Be careful.
Spanking a child on the bottom twice (in a given incident) is sufficient. Any more than this can be abusive. Other alternatives should be used however, if your punishing your child for hitting someone else. Perhaps timeout or a privelage taken away. I only use spanking as a last resort.
Dr. james Dobson is a renouned child & family psychologist. He's written several books and has an organization called Focus On The Family.
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I agree with the above poster (it changed to asterisks when i referred to the name), Dr. Dobson is a great one to reference on this and the subject of family itself.
I believe that spanking a child that has done wrong is ok,However if I am really mad or something like that then I wont do it I have never and will never touch my children when I am angry and I also feel that if you spank your child more than twice at one time its not because of what they did its because YOU are angry.
__________________ If GOD brings you to it... He WILL bring you through it.
Hello, No, you can't go to jail for spanking a child. It's also a cultural thing and is permissable in certain countries. You can go to jail for child abuse. This means that there had better not be any perminant marks on your child from the spanking, or it becomes child abuse. It is not necessary to spank a bare bottom or use an item like a paddle or belt, then it can be considered child abuse. A single light tap on a clothed bottom with a disserning frown should be enough. It's also a good idea not to spank for every little thing and to keep the spanking as a last resort. That way you may not have to spank at all.
I listen to him and focus on the family. It's great.
There is a difference between discipline and abuse. Adult anger must be in check when you decide to dicipline a child because it can be abuseive and excessive. The adult must walk away if they become enraged or angered and revisit the issue when calm and rational.
I was spanked. I'm 26 now. Looking back I'd only spank until they're old enough to comprehend grounding and things like that. My dad only spanked me twice that I can remember. Just the threat of it kept me in line after that. My mom never spanked me. Lots of guilt trips though with her...
i believe in spanking when the situation calls for it.
i don't believe in using a paddle or anything other than an open hand, and no more than 2 or 3 times. my mom used a paddle on my sisters and i and i just remember thinking it was really harsh.
i think spanking is ok, as long as it doesn't get out of control and you're actually leaving bruises and welts.
As we all know, there is a limit to all things. I was spanked and so were most of my cousins, friends, etc...we all grew up with a bit of fear of our parents and personally think we are better behaved for it. People are so afraid to punish their children that they get away with just about anything ( and this goes for my two boys as well, certainly not pointing fingers here). I honestly believe that our parents didn't do anymore damage to us by spanking then we do to ours by not punishing. I've found that most cases, my boys respond to having special things taken away and I ground the 11.5 year old, but on occasion they pull something that I just can't even believe they did and they get a whack with the wooden spoon, enough that they can feel it. They just laugh at me when I spank them with my hand (I don't usually do this to the 11.5 y.o. anymore as it's humiliating for us both and I'm not out to humiliate) and tell me "that didn't hurt, haha". Charming children. ;o) I love my boys and would NEVER do anything to truly hurt them physically, but feel they need to learn their lesson and if they don't from grouding/taking away, then the wooden spoon comes out. Since I've started this, they both have more respect for me.
I don't believe in spanking~I was born into an abusive home and beat many many times.with boards belts tree branches anything they could.I was beat so bad on my bottom once with a board they eventually had to take me in to get the slivers removed becuse they had got infected,they told them i slide down a board~yea but not by choice.That is why i do not spank I can't bring myself to even a pat.
I don't believe in spanking~I was born into an abusive home and beat many many times.with boards belts tree branches anything they could.I was beat so bad on my bottom once with a board they eventually had to take me in to get the slivers removed becuse they had got infected,they told them i slide down a board~yea but not by choice.That is why i do not spank I can't bring myself to even a pat.
That does seem to cross-over to abuse instead of a spanking. I think spanking itself is not only good for discipline, but it teaches a child that if it is out-of-line, there is a consequence to their actions. This is important because if a parent does not spank at all, a child may grow up with the idea they can abuse others without consequence....this could lead to an out of control kid and adult. This could possibly lead to running into someone who will, unlike mom and dad, respond violently much to the child's surprise, or finding out the hard way (like jail) that they can't just do what they want and get away with it....
But spanking should be done at the age where physical consequence is all they understand, because after they get older they can be more open and understanding to negotiation and reward....which will make spanking become unnecessary; plus, like one poster said, spanking no longer hurts anyway when they are older, thus it's no longer a consequence.
well i will tell u my father used to spank us an i mean with the belt and drew blood .he would also use an extention cord we had marks on us that my sister and i couldnt wear a dress as my dad ws beating my butt(a nice word) i would say when i grow up i will never spank my kids and he would say he was doing it because he loved us BULL trying hugs church and saying i love u or u did great or i didnt like what u did because and DISCUSS it before we were going to get spanked we would have to go to the bathroom or we would urinate all over ourself all 3 of us.i remebered trying to tell a policeman that came to class one day i was about 6yrs what happened he called my dad and told on me boy did i get in trouble thank god they do something about these days when i became a teenager i got pregnant to get out of the house to get away from him and when he found out i was pregnant he beat my butt and shoved me in the closet .I lost that baby and dad made my life hell as a child and I will never forget the hurt he caused and still causes all i want to say is THINK and LOVE SPANKINGS arent always the answer but love is!!!!!!!!!!!!
well i will tell u my father used to spank us an i mean with the belt and drew blood .he would also use an extention cord we had marks on us that my sister and i couldnt wear a dress as my dad ws beating my butt(a nice word) i would say when i grow up i will never spank my kids and he would say he was doing it because he loved us BULL trying hugs church and saying i love u or u did great or i didnt like what u did because and DISCUSS it before we were going to get spanked we would have to go to the bathroom or we would urinate all over ourself all 3 of us.i remebered trying to tell a policeman that came to class one day i was about 6yrs what happened he called my dad and told on me boy did i get in trouble thank god they do something about these days when i became a teenager i got pregnant to get out of the house to get away from him and when he found out i was pregnant he beat my butt and shoved me in the closet .I lost that baby and dad made my life hell as a child and I will never forget the hurt he caused and still causes all i want to say is THINK and LOVE SPANKINGS arent always the answer but love is!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are right because your father did not spank you; he abused you in the name of discipline, much like people go to war in the name of religion! At least you have broken the violence of your father by not following in his behaviors, so good for you....you are above him by all measures and definitions as a human being
kelplus2, you really sound like you've got it together. Maintaining the love and even humor in a situation is healthy. Good for you (as Paula Abdul likes to say !
__________________
If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.
Thanks Sawbuck...I hurt for those of you that have been abused as children...it's wrong and horrible and does such emotional damage that it tends to not be reversed in that childs lifetime. But I do think that children MUST be disciplined. And each child is different. Hurting a child for lack of anything better to do is JUST NOT RIGHT..and I certainly don't condone it...but do think a spank occassionally is needed. It certainly depends on the child. Good luck to you all...children are a challenge and certainly the hardest thing I've done in my life. I wouldn't change it for the world!!!
This is always going to be a subject of limits,but everyones limits are different, one persons limit of 2-3 spanks could be the same as one parents limit of 20-50,we all have to agree ourselves what our limits are,doesnt mean you are wrong because one person doesnt agree with spanking so there view is law, we all have to set our own punishments , we have friends with different views ,one with a no spank rule to our closest friend who has what i would call a servere view to spanking and does give out very servere spankings to her 2 boys on a regular basis
i dont prejudge my friends or associates and never would ,we have found with our 3 that a little is better than alot and alot better than none,we have i hope now got children who can enjoy life without spanking but who know where the line is and cross it at there peril
were not perfect ,but just hope our choices set them up when there older to make there own choices
I love Dr. Dobson!!! I highly recommend you read anything you can get your hands on. Dare to Discipline and The Strong Willed Child have been two books that have been wonderful at my house. Of course, if you don't have a strong willed child, you may not need that one, but I sure do and it's been great.
And yes, I spank my son. I don't think all children always need to be spanked. I just think there are some that are a little tougher than others who need that to get the point across. And my DS is one of them.
__________________
--Kellie
Married 09/28/2002
DS born 07/05/2003
DD born 3/24/2005
Hi,
I saw your letter on spanking....
I am not a mother, but I was a nanny for twenty five years +. I believe that you can spank your own kids, but, if you were a nanny,or another person other than the child's parent, I think that is where it is a "no go!", and it may depend on your state..because I myself have often wondered that myself!
But, in all fairness, some people think that it works,(I am not here to judge anybody on this, I just would like to stick some sense on the board is all),,,I was spanked with my moms' hand, and also a wooden spoon. It did NOT feel great..and I have to tell you, while it may have stopped the behavior, for a bit, I still kept doing some of the same old stuff.....
I personally feel (and I am also a preschool teacher,and have also been a camp counselor as well) that, talking to your children helps them to bond and trust you as a human being, and also shows them how much, and the fact that you love them incredibly...I don't like spanking, because I think that people tend to get so angry that they go too far!
It is terribly scary for a child at times..and I really think that Kids need "attention"..one on one, attention, time for talking about stuff that is really bothering them, instead of the parent "brushing them off" when they have done something wrong, or "not so wonderful". I have worked with older kids, that tell me that all they get is "in trouble" at home, and they have cried when I was sitting with them, they have told me that they are sometimes afraid to talk to their parents, or their other guardians, because that person will just listen for a couple of seconds or not at all, and just "punish" them somehow.
I have done three different "early childhood reports" on abuse..for my classes, and we have also talked about spanking....it's a very mixed feeling among the mom's who take these classes, including the teachers that I have had.... I just think that trying alternatives to spanking would be worth it..for you and your kids....just a thought or two..I know that you can still turn out alright, because there are people who swear that they "learned by spanking", but, there are all types of kids in this world..some who to this day, are so sensitive, will not open up to even their teachers... or their parents..and I think that people need to realize, that everybody is different..we are not all the same, and we are not all "non-sensitive"....some people are great at hiding their "real" feelings...but, that is something that you end up maybe wishing that you hadn't helped to encourage.....Think about your kid, and think about things for the future,,,before you make a heavy decision ...that is all I want to say for this subject...
If GOD brings you to it... He WILL bring you through it. 
Just the threat of it kept me in line after that. My mom never spanked me. Lots of guilt trips though with her...
Re: Spank your child? 
Re: Spank your child? 
