How Do You Tell Your Children... - Children's Health Message Board

sweetescape02 · 05-28-2003, 12:09 AM

To make a long story short, I have had 2 surgeries in the past month and found out today that I will probably be having a hysterectomy within the next month. I have actually been given the choice between the hysterectomy and another treatment but I am leaning heavily towards the hysterectomy.

The second surgery I had was a laparoscopy done last Monday. At my post-op today, I was told I have liver damage and that after I have the hysterectomy ( if that's what I choose), I will need to deal with that.

This is going to be a very hard thing to explain to my kids and I'm not exactly sure how I should go about telling them or just how much detail they need. We are an extremely close family and while my son is too small to really know what's going on, my girls do. My oldest daughter has Asperger's Syndrome and WPW Syndrome and this will drive her nuts. She was at school when I had the laparoscopy done last week and her teacher told me she was a wreck all day worrying about me. My youngest girl is just a worry wart in general and cries hysterically at the thought of me even going to the doctor now because she thinks I'm not going to come home.

Their father and I have sat here today trying to think of an easy way to tell them and we're not coming up with anything good. I am sick and I don't want to lie to my kids. They won't understand what having a hysterectomy means or what liver damage is all about. We want to make this as easy for them as possible since they will see a lot of me in the hospital. My MIL is flying out to stay with us for most of the summer at the beach but I'm not sure she will be able to distract them enough.

Any suggestions?

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~ Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. ~

mlgable · 05-28-2003, 07:04 AM

Why not look up some good info regarding your liver damage as well as a hysterectomy on the web and print the information out. Print out info that is in easy to understand language for the girls and then sit down to talk about it. Most hospitals have surgical waiting rooms so if you feel it would be appropriate for the girls to be in the waiting room while you are in surgery then let them know that they can be there and that they can see you after surgery. If this is not a good idea then think about planning something for them to do while you have the surgery such as a shopping trip with grandma (MIL) to pick out a nice new nightie and robe and slippers along with personal supplies like lotion and bath oil for you. This would make them feel like they are really doing something for you while you are having the surgery. Or it could be a shopping trip for them with a new outfit for each girl. Above all remind them that if they have any questions at all to please ask you and you will do your best to answer their questions honestly and will look up any information on the web for them if you don't know the answer to their question. You might also start thinking about activities you CAN do with the girls after the surgery and while you are still not up to par such as planning picnics in the back yard. You should be able to do things like cut out decorations while you are laid up as well as plan menu's and other things and then the girls and your MIL can pull it all together. I do hope these suggestions are helpful.

Ksavage · 05-28-2003, 10:31 AM

I am sorry you are going through this Kim. I wish I had some advice for you on how to handle the girls emotions, but the simple fact is that their Mommy is sick and there is not much you are going to be able to do to keep them from being so upset. Just keep ALL contacts open and be honest with them about what is going on with you and maybe have them with you at an appointment when you go see the Doctor. Let them talk to the doctor and ask any questions they may have. The only reason I am siggestiong this is because when I was about 7 years old my Grandmother had breast cancer and I was worring myself sick about her and they allowed me to go to the Docotr and talk to him and I felt much better afterwards. This might not be a good idea for your girls, but it is a thought.

NOW......how are you doing? I hate to hear that you are going through all of this right now. How is it going to be with you MIL being there? I know she will be a big help and that she practically raised you so I am guessing that this will be a huge relief for you & you Cadis. I wish I were closer and could be of some help for you all. This just really really sucks! I will add you all to my thoughts and prayers, and please just know that everything is going to be work out for you. Hang in there and be tough, but don't be afraid to ask for a shoulder to cry on if you need one. Especially mine

We all know how stong you are Kim

!
I know you are worried sick about the girls, but just take care of you so you can recoup and get back into the groove of things with you family.

Know that we will be here for you!

Kim & Riley

[This message has been edited by Ksavage (edited 05-28-2003).]

sweetescape02 · 05-28-2003, 12:05 PM

Thank you both!

You gave me some great ideas that I will definitely remember.

As for me, I'm fine. I've known for awhile that I was sick so it was actually a relief to finally get the diagnosis and have all the cards on the table. I just worry terribly about my kids!

I remember being young and terrified that someone close to me would die. I think it'll be great that my MIL will be here. She won't actually be here all the time but she's worked out an arrangement with her company where she will get to spend a good deal of time out here. She's willing to fly back and forth from Virginia as much as she has to.

We have planned some fun things for the kids. We're going to spend a week down at Disneyland in June, right before my surgery. We also rented a beach house for the summer that my MIL will take the kids to and I will meet up with them once I can travel. My hubby's in the military and you just would not believe the support we have gotten from the Air Force! So far, everything's good.

How soon before the surgery do you think we should tell the kids? I don't want to ruin their vacation to Disneyland so I was thinking maybe when we got back. Also, should I tell them about both issues at the same time or deal with one at a time as they happen? Geez......

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~ Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. ~

Ksavage · 05-28-2003, 12:35 PM

Hmmmm........I think I would not tell them about the surgery before the trip to Disney! They might think it was the "big finale" before the .........end. Ya know what I mean? Kids do tend to worry quite a bit and that is how they might take the big fun trip and that could take all of the fun out of it. We know that you are going to be so much better after the Doc's get through with you, but the kids probably don't get it. I think I would hold off until you got home. I think I would explain everything to them and then ask them if they would like to go see the Doctors that are going to make you all better. I don't know as to how much detail I would go into about the legistics of everything, as they will not understand it all. I would just explain that there are some things inside Mommy that are broken right now and they need to be fixed or she will just not feel very good. See how that works for and Cadis. And for petes sake woman.....I knwo these are your babies and you want to comfort them as much as you can, but try to put all your worries behind you right now and enjoy the summer as much as you possibly can. You sound like you are OK with the diagnosis and comfortable with the resolutions so just hang in there and quite worrying so much about the girls. You sound like you are as worried about them as they are about you. I know that it 100% normal to be so worried and want to protect them.......H@LL....who am I kidding? If this were Riley I were in this situation with I woud be very concerned about her as well. I will shut up and quite telling you to not worry so much!

So what else is going on with you guys and the big move? Has this put a chamge in all of that or are you still going to be able to go? Keep me posted! I miss talking to you!

Kim