bad influence? What to do? - Children's Health Message Board

mom007 · 06-19-2003, 03:06 PM

My 10 year old son had a friend over today. My mother who is home with him told me my son was crying. He said his friend wanted him to do something, and he did not want too. When I came home I got the story. This friend asked my son if he had a girlfriend, the answer was no. This friend told my son he should go to school, take off his cloths and go after a girl. My younger 6 year old daughter was present!

Also this boys little brother who is in class with my daughter told her she had a vagina this year!

Do I call the parents?

I don't want to have this boy cause any problems for my son. My son only told me after telling me he did not want it to effect being able to play with him.

But my daughter was present and I don't want this kind of behavior around either of the.

My son has adhd, so the social life he has is very important to him. I don't want him to feel pressured into doing something wrong just to keep this so-called friend. I don't want to over react reither.

Any advice would be appreciated.

dea4 · 06-19-2003, 07:13 PM

WOW, you just have to wonder sometimes what kind of parents these kids have.
I doubt talking to the parents would do any good.
Maybe you could talk to your son about reactions he could have to this boy when he says things like this, like when he asked about the girlfriend and then said he should take all his clothes off to get one he could just say something like "I don't think I need to do that to get a girl, when I'm ready for a girlfriend I don't think I'll have a problem getting one" or "Why would I want to do something like that, thats pretty silly". or "would you do that? don't you think the girls would think your rather weird".
Just a suggestion, may not work either.
Not sure what to do about him saying things like that in front of your daughter, or the younger brothers comments, I think the key here is probably to sit your kids down and talk to them about it, let them know you don't approve of that sort of thing and some kids do not know or understand that they shouldn't say things like that, and that if they have any questions or concerns that they should talk to you.

[This message has been edited by dea4 (edited 06-19-2003).]

Greenberry · 06-19-2003, 09:17 PM

I personally wouldn't go too nuts over this kind of thing, and I have a very low tolerance for bad influences and am easily shocked and appalled by the behavior of some children these days. This just doesn't sound too terrible to me. Was it news to your daughter that she has a vagina? At least he used the right word and not some nasty slang. Some kids get a little information and love to spread it around. If it were my daughter and son I would probably tell them not to take these kids seriously, and to possibly avoid them in the future. Explain that some people like to use such language to get attention and that childish behavior like that should be ignored. If the behavior gets worse or more disturbing, then I would be more concerned, but what you have mentioned just sounds like childish antics to me. I would also emphasize that doing wrong or stupid things to keep a "friend," especially this friend who sounds at least a little weird, is a BAD thing to do. Even if your son has problems himself, he has got to learn that he shouldn't do and doesn't have to do things that someone suggests to him. Your son sounds like he was pretty upset and actually considering doing what the kid suggested even though he didn't want to, and that is what would bother me if I were his mother.

mom007 · 06-20-2003, 04:06 AM

My daughter did not know she has a vagina, my concern is not that she knows now, but what else this little 6 year old told her.

My husband spoke to my son last night and got more info. It seems this boy said he found one of his fathers tapes and watched it without his father knowing about it. He said the people in the movie had no cloths on and were humping. He was encouraging my son to take his cloths off in school and go after a girl he likes. Which would never happen.

I suppose he will hear it soon enough, but at 10? And my 6 year old daughter was in the room. My son felt it was not an appropriate conversation to have. He felt pressured by the insistence of the little boy to be inappropriate so my son started getting weepy.
My husband took time to discuss this new information in the most positive way, without going into any additional specifics.

Next time the little boy comes over my Mom will listen in on the conversation. Watch out for grandmom!!!

Greenberry · 06-20-2003, 06:34 AM

All right, that new information makes a difference to me. What you mentioned above sounds like kids acting silly, but apparently there is a reason behind it. It IS pretty disturbing that parents would leave porn around where young children can find it. Knowing that, I would not allow my children to play with these children anymore, especially not at their house. If your son is disturbed by this child's suggestions and inappropriate behavior then I definitely wouldn't have them over again. BUT, your son has got to learn to deal with obnoxious and inappropriate people without breaking down. I know that you want to protect him from everybody, like I do my own kids, but the fact is that there are lots of weirdos out there and a child who isn't prepared to deal with them is going to have problems. I know your son wants friends, but you have to help him pick the right friends, and this kid may not be it.

In this case, I MIGHT just call the parents (depending on how well I know them) and suggest that they keep their porn out of the reach of their children, or at least bring the subject up if they happen to ask why your kids aren't playing together anymore.

If you haven't talked with your daughter yet about her body, it's probably about time. My 2 1/2 year old daughter knows that she has a vagina.