I can't take my 3 year old's behavior anymore - Children's Health Message Board

Shmolissa · 06-04-2003, 10:54 AM

My three year old daughter is bahaving so badly I don't know what to do. She writes on the walls, sneaks food into her room and I find the remains a week later and when I try to talk to her about anything she stares blankly and ignores me. I get so mad that I'm afraid that I will hurt her and of course I don't want that to happen. Do you have any advice for a frustrated mom?
Thank you
Melissa

HeyThere · 06-04-2003, 07:07 PM

1. Children remember in the here and now and cannot reflect back for little things- so scolding does no one any good for something that happened in the past- like yesterday.

2. Explain to her/reason with her -"name. come here. lets go to your room. It is nice to have a clean room isn't it? (YES)I like clean rooms too. Do you like bugs? (NO) I don't like bugs either, they spread germs and some of them bite, and it hurts. Isn't that awful, I don't want any bug bites, do you? (NO) Can you help mommy by helping me keep your room clean and that means no more food in your room? Do you understand that if you keep your room clean and neat bugs will not like your room? So lets not eat or hide any food in your room because bugs will find it and live near it. Food belongs in the kitchen or dining room. If you want a snack just ask me and I will set you a place at the table.

3. Reiterate every time you see it happen, but don't get mad when you don't see a change right away. Teaching takes time and patience and she is just 3 on top of that.

4. It may sound ridiculous that a 3 year old can comprehend but they can if you reason with them daily about why things are the way they are.

~mandy~ · 06-06-2003, 08:06 AM

keep explaiing why what she is doing is wrong, get a time out chair, put it in a quiet area of the house away from toys, tv, you, etc, leave her in there for only a minute or two, if they don't work take her crayons away and keep all of your pens out of her reach and let her know she'll get them back when she is ready to be a big girl and use them on paper not walls. as far as the food is concerned make sure she's getting regular snacks so shes not taking it out if hunger, stay with her while eating so you know she's not going to sneak into the room with it.
Also you could try a star chart, something she can see, put it on the fridge, she gets a star or stamp for every day she behaves (for now stick with the food and coloring on walls when she is better with those you can move onto something else), when she gets 10 (or whatever number you want) she gets a treat, you can buy some inexpensive toys and keep them hidden, she can pick from them when she gets all her stars (make it something she doesn't usually get), let her pick the stickers to go on the chart.
there are many things you can try, not everything works for all kids so unfortunitly it'sd trial and error. If your a stay at home mom put her in daycare a day a week so you can get a break (or find a friend or family member to watch her), join a parents group (or a playgroup, you can talk to the other parents while she's playing). talk to other parents see what has worked for them. And always remember walk away from her and get a few minutes to clear your head if your feeling yourself getting angry. it's not good for you and it's not good for her to see you like that.
good luck :0)

roni624 · 07-21-2003, 01:18 AM

My three and one and a half year old are doing the same thing. I feel like a broken record with them. They know how to work the system with me and are very sneaky.

I do tell them the buggy story and the oldest agrees with me; the otherjust says "no bugs". They are very young and I don't expect them to understand the first time I tell them. I notice when I don't come down on them as hard; they learn lessons quickly.

Cassie023 · 08-09-2003, 01:37 PM

HI- this may sound kinda weird but alot of wierd behaviour in children can be directly related to diet. If your child eats alot of processed foods or foods containing msg or artificial sweetners they can have neurological effects. Try feeding them natural foods with plenty of fruits and vegetables. It may seem like this would not be the reason but you may be suprised!