My nephew, 6, has random incidents where he smears his poop on the walls. He did it probably a year ago and then again recently. His behavior towards his little sister has gotten very aggressive and downright mean. They fight like cats and dogs and believe me, that little girl can hold her own, but he acts like he hates her now. I know that this is a symptom of sexual abuse which kills me. His mom doesn't think its that but she hasn't used the best discretion in who her kids are around. I really want to get the truth out of him but am not sure the best kind of conversation to have with him. I don't want to scare him or put the idea in his head, in case nothings happened, but we really need to figure this out pronto. Any suggestions? I should add that this is the love of my life and is normally the sweetest little boy!!
can you bring him to a child psychologist? they usually have some 'tricks' to get kids to talk; if it isn't sexual abuse it may be something else, so you probably don't want to guide him in his answers to your questions.
if you do start asking him questions, make sure they are open ended, non-guiding, and non threatening/forceful. maybe you shoudl pick up a book on communication with children? i'm sure there are lots out there.
but at the same time, if you do get him to talk....you must pre-plan your reactions. what if he said he was sexually abused...will you start balling and screaming? how would that make him feel? would you pretend it never happened (i guess you wouldn't you sound concerned)?...what if he comes out with something totally out of the blue (ie like he's hearing voices in his head)...my point is you have to gauge how your reactions will be because they can effect how he perceives himself or the situation . be prepared for anything and everything if you insist on having a discusion with him.
follow your gut instinct 9the sexual abuse may be wrong, but if something is telling you that his behaviour is not right, its probably true).
kids do fight though and have major resentment issues (maybe thats the only problem). do you get along with his mother? it sounds like you do not approve of some of her parenting behaviours. just because her friends are wierdos doesn't mean they are hurting her son. make sure you are not confounding these two issues together to the point that you will not accept any other explanations.
i still think a psychologist is the way to go (though you will need his mother's and his consent).
Thank you so much! My mind just goes crazy when I hear stuff like that. I did talk to the school counselor and she thought it might have something to do with his dad. I should have mentioned that his dad is a real piece of work and is in and out, mostly out. RJ definitlely feels his absence and aches for a good male relationship. I guess that's why I get so freaked out about him being abused. He's such a prime little target. If a man pays any attention to him, he just eats it up like crazy. BUT, I did have a talk with him and it was very good. We talked about good vs. bad touching and I just asked him if anyone had ever touched him or tried to. He was very aware of what bad touching was and assured me that it had never happened. I believe him because he is a terrible liar! thank God!! The counselor said that he might feel resentful towards his sister because her dad is around and he's jealous. That really makes sense to me. Now we can focus on making him feel good about himself and try to ease the pain of having a dead beat dad. Thank you so much for your response!!
well i am glad you figured it out. it makes sense to me too. why not try the big brother program? at least that way he will have a (consistent) male figure all to himself that his sister doesn't have. good luck
He just started karate about 2 months ago and is loving it! He's growing so much from it. He actually put his dishes in the dishwasher the other day. Bout had a heart attack!!! Thanks for the replys, I feel much, much better that we have a good direction to go in!