While my daughter is beginning to settle a little more(sometimes), I'm finding it extremely difficult these last couple of days.
My wife had a c-section and is in a lot of pain, despite medications, and she has developed what appears to be PPD. She cries constantly and talks about leaving or killing herself and giving me the baby. We're seeing a doctor tommorow for our daughter's first appointment, followed by a public nurse who is doing a home visit, and I would like to bring that up to one/both of them, but my wife has begged me not to. When our daughter cries in the middle of the night to be fed and changed, my wife rolls over and expects me to do it all.
I'm currently unemployed, which is just as well, because my wife has not contributed to caring for our daughter, except for holding her sometimes and bottle-feeding her once in a while(she won't breastfeed). She says that she panics at the thought of being alone for several hours a day, while I work, to care for our daughter on her own, so it makes it hard for me to find a job.
With all the pressure on me to care for our daughter, I've become a bundle of nerves. I feel a huge pain in my chest, I'm exhausted from lack of meaningful sleep, and whenever our daughter cries, I feel like crying myself. I do everything I can just so she'll sleep and give me a break so I can sleep myself, or read, or do something to unwind. But my wife is always telling me to do the laundry, wash the bathroom or kitchen, or clean up, so I hardly have any chance to relax.
Except for picking out outfits and calling her nicknames, my wife won't really assume any responsibility for our daughter, and I'm becoming extremely upset, stressed and annoyed. I have no idea how I'm going to deal with this. I can't eat, because I get sick with stress.
Your wife needs to talk to somebody. Sounds like she is having some very real PPD. She is begging you not to tell people because she is scared that they will judge her and think she's a bad person. But the problem is with her hormones, not her. No one will think she's a bad person. She really needs to get a little help. PPD is very real and can be devastating.
You are a saint for all that you are doing. Being a new parent is hard enough all by itself. The lack of sleep can just tear you apart. It's normal for wanting to cry everytime the baby cries. I know I sure have, still do sometimes. And don't worry, we all do EVERYTHING possible to get them to sleep so that we have 5 mintues to ourselves.
Recovering from a C-section is no fun. I've had two. But she will start feeling better (physically) soon. Make sure that she takes her meds on time and stays on top of the pain. That will help.
Also, I suggest joining a parenting group (either of you) I don't know how big your town is, but they are usually around. It's a great way to meet other parents who are going through the same things. And it's a nice way to get out of the house and do something fun with the baby without worrying about the baby crying. I started going to one when my 1st was 5 weeks old. I was also depressed and at my wits end. Talking to other people really helped. Ask the doctor or hospital if they have any referals for a group.
Sounds like you could use a little help. Do you have any family or close friends who could watch the baby a few hours for you? The thing I learned the 1st time around is ask for help!! Don't take everything upon yourself. If people you trust have offered their help...take it.
Good luck...the 1st three months are the hardest.
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"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh
I agree, your wife is begging you not to tell because she is scared she'll be judged as crazy or being a bad mother. PPD can be a very serious thing but the good news is that she can get help. I would suggest that you call her doctor and tell him/her. They can help you, help her. Alot of women go through this and your wife needs to know she's not alone and that it's her hormones and she can get help to feel better.
God bless you for taking on the full time roll. It is SO hard. Your stress and lack of sleep is normal but it takes such a toll on you. If you have someone who can help you, take it. Hang on, your wife will get better and things won't be like this forever, just unfortunately you're going through it now and it probably seems like it will never end. Being a parent is the toughest job and you are doing an amazing job considering what you're going through. Take care ~Bunny
I am very sorry to hear that your wife is having so many problems, my heart really goes out to her! I experianced PPD after the birth of my third child. I am still not completely back to my old self but I am trying to cope,(DS turned one today). Try to encourage her to tell the dr. or nurse how she is feeling, there are alot of great options out there and she is definetly not alone! The nurses and dr. deal with this everyday.
I however don't believe that you should go behind her back and tell them if she has asked you not to. This will only end up making her angry and hurt at you. I do think that you should try to tak to her, tell her that you understand how and why she feels the way she does, but you wish she would tell the dr. so that he can help and she won't have to sit there and suffer with those horrible thoughts and feelings.(Believe it is horrible and very frightning to suddenly have these feelings and thoughts that you have never had before!!!)
My situation was almost the same as you and your wife, my husband was laid off to and he had full responsibility of our son, on top of our other two kids. He pulled through though, somehow!! I really feel for you because I know what I put my husband through!!!! Poor man was a saint(although he admits now he felt like killing me and that I wouldn've had to worry about killing myself!!LOL).Like the other two post said , it is horrible to fell isolated and alone at a time like that, for both of you. I hope that things can go welland try to talk her in to telling the dr, ped. or someone who can help
The advice the others gave was great, tell someone. Your wife needs some support from proffesionals at the moment, well done for being there for her.
Hormones are a horrible thing when they are unbalanced, I have recently had surgery to try to correct a few issues I had, one of them was a hormone imbalance. I wanted to leave my husband, move into a b & b, I was angry and grumpy all the time and lost my confidence. I had no reason for any of the mentioned stuff, its just how I felt! Now I am sorted i really feel like me again, the old pre children me!
Be brave, go against her wishes and tell some one, when she gets back to the old person you knew she will thank you for it. She may just need a mild birth control pill to sort it out or she may need something a bit stronger like an anti depressant. Don't worry though its not going to be for ever, just a short period of your life.
Sending you all love and prayers and a big kiss and cuddle for your new arrival (I love babies)
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