Behavior problems with my 6-year-old neice - Children's Health Message Board

maimie72 · 06-12-2006, 08:01 PM

My neice is 6-years-old, and has significant weight problems already - her mother and grandmother (my mom) let her eat whatever she wants, including all the sweets she desires. Now, she is 80 pounds, and has significant weight problems, AND has pretty serious behavior problems. She hits her mother when she doesn't get what she wants, she lies to get things that she does want, and she will absolutely not listen to anybody when they try to discipline her. I only see her twice a month, but every time I see her, she has gained more weight and her behavior is even worse. I talked to both my mother and my sister in law about these issues, and they claim that my neice sneaks food and that is why she has gained so much weight. My mom told me that she is her grandmother and it is her 'job' to spoil her! Okay, so what do I do here? Is there anything that I can do to try and convince my mom and sister in law that what they are doing is detrimental?? I am at my wits' end here, and any advice would be appreciated.

NitroChic · 06-12-2006, 10:09 PM

You can have a great infleuence in her life. Try to spend more one on one time with her. Believe me, kids only behave as badly as you let them, and will behave as well as you expect. Mt Grandaughter is quite difficult with her mom, but she know where my boundaries are and doesnt push me. All 3 of my girls say ther were somewhat affraid of me as kids, though I never raised a hand to them. It isnt necessary, and if it worked, you would only have to do it once.
Find things with physical activity that she doesnt get to do normaly. THis way you are getting some excersize in there.
UNDER no circumstances should you mention her size, weight or anything that can be taken pesonaly for this kid...Just if you eat with her, chose the right things, and allow her only a sensible amount. Even at her age, you can deflect her attention to other things... it works. Good luck, unfortunately there is nothing you can do to make your sister or your mom change the way they behave except show them that this young lady is well behaved with you.

maimie72 · 06-13-2006, 07:33 AM

Thanks for the advice Nitrochic. I was thinking of asking my sister in law if my neice can join a soccer team for kids - that will keep her active and maybe even diminish some of the behavioral issues. I don't have any children myself, but I agree, they need boundaries, and that is what my neice is missing in her life. As far as her weight goes, I never mention anything about weight in front of my neice. I don't want to see her develop low self esteem, but she is getting ready to start first grade, and I am concerned that other kids will tease her. I will take your advice and try to set an example for her and see where that gets us.
Thanks again.

Eileenn · 06-18-2006, 01:05 PM

It's such a shame to see this happen to your niece, especially with all we now know about the long-term effects of childhood obesity. I think the previous poster is right that you can be a big influence. Be forewarned though that with kids you usually don't get direct feedback about this!! Think about helpful people you remember from childhood who probably have no idea you remember them. But if she sees you eating healthy and being active, at least she's knows there's another model out there. And if her mom doesn't want to bother with a soccer team, when your neice is with you maybe the two of you could go swimming or ice skating, or take a walk. Something that is active, but doesn't feel like work!!!

Good luck!

Dark Stranger · 06-18-2006, 02:55 PM

There's really not a whole lot you can do because she is a niece, and not a daughter. The problem lies not with the child, but with the parent - your sister-in-law's inadequate parenting skills have made your niece into the spoiled child she seems to be. Apparently, your sister-in-law is not very concerned about her daughter's weight if she wants to try and do nothing to stop her daughter's sneaking of food.

All you can do, as NitroChic said, is to be a good influence to the child as much as possible. If you were to come right out and tell Sister that she's a crappy parent, I have a pretty good feeling that, instead of trying to find and correct the problem with herself, she would simply sever communications with you. The child doesn't know any better in terms of either behavior or food because, after being allowed to get away with these things for so long, she thinks they're normal. You've already talked to Sister and Grandma about the problems, but it's up to them (well, just Sister really) to do something about it. If they choose not to, there's nothing more anyone can do.

Maybe when the child develops an eating disorder or gets arrested, Sister will think about doing something. Hopefully she'll realize she needs to take action NOW to correct this bad behavior before it gets too out of hand.