You can go with a bead or reward system. We tried it but it only took two weeks for my four year old to realize he could do one really bad thing and make up for it with a bunch of little good things .. so we went to the all or nothing policy. If he is bad. He loses all privelages until he earns them back and proves he can behave. School can not enforce good behavior. There hands are tied. A five minute timeout is insuffient in most cases to get the point across. You try that with my son and he will smile and wait and go back and do it again.. because five minutes is worth the act.
But in my opinion as a parent and teacher that doesn't mean that what happens at school stays at school. The teachers can not effectively discipline a child on their own. Their hands are tied to time outs limited to the minutes equal to a childs age. This is not sufficient to get the point across for hitting or kicking or bad language or disrespect. We have to support our teachers. You must show the child that you care what happens at school and how they behave in their own society early on or they are lost.
So we can not spank with a belt anymore with this upcoming generation... I do not, but i was spanked this way. I can count my spankings on my fingers and it only took one good spanking never to make me want to do it again. Most my son gets is an open palmed bottom warming when the offense warrants it and this doesn't phase him much anymore. He will taunt and say.. see mommy I can take your spankings. Well what is the response to that one? You can not spank them harder.. so these days he gets an evening alone in his room to think about his bad behavior while writing lines like think twice be nice and such. No toys... nothing. He hates being forced to stay away from mommy and daddy and sit in his room alone. His room is a sleeping area. He doesn't have toys to play with.. books and paper and a box of crayons. The next day he can interact with us as long as he has been good at school or is good at home. Normally he has lost one group of toys.. like cars or transformers or leapster and all TV and computer time. He must prove he can be a big boy and follow the rules before he gets anything else returned.
What can you do? Stay involved. Have the child and teacher keep a daily behavior journal. Work up a checklist where the teacher can check off good and bad behavior and you can address it fully with discussion at home. Try and keep consistent rules at home with those at school. Reinforce good behavior with some visible chart and lots of praise. Bad behavior.. make a list of the penalties so the child knows what to expect. My son literally sits and thinks about what he is going to do if it is a rule breaker to determine if it is worth the punishment.
My payback for my own childhood. Sorry Mom and Dad. He just turned five and he weighs whether X is worth losing Y. Ugh! Keeping them in line is hard.
What are the exact acts that your child is doing? Have you been to school to observe the classroom dynamic? Can you talk with the teacher about what the routine is and what the children are working on? Maybe on the weekend you can hold mock school day. Make you child behave as you want them to behave and get them to show you what school is like. How is your child sleeping? Do they get 11-13 hours a day? Does your child snore or mouth breathe? Is your child on medication? There are many factors.. part can be the interaction of others, boredom, sleep deprivation.. etc. Each child is different and you have to keep adapting until you find what works for you.
We treat weekend as you lost it you have to earn it back through good behavior at home. Also if they continue to repeat a specific bad behavior. Make them give toys away to a charitable organization. Let them know you have to give this up. May be someone else that behaves well and appreciates this toy will enjoy it. My son really doesn't like the thought of permanent loss of a toy. We only had to do one good will trip for him to sit up and know we mean it when it is the parents job to give a child love, guidance, clothing, food, and shelter. Toys, TV, games, trips to the mall, etc.. these are priviledges. You have to be good to get the extras. Maybe this is a cold line to take. But it works for us and my son is a very loving, well mannered, and caring boy. Too smart for his own good and willing to get into mischief when the mood strikes, he is a boy after all. But over all he is a good boy and now it just takes reminding him how he should behave and how his actions effect others to get him to toe the line.
You are doing great keep up the good work.