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Old 02-18-2008, 05:57 AM   #1
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sumi HB User
2 1/2 year old issues

Hello,
First of all let me start by saying that I just had a baby about two months ago and already have a two and a half year old. Well since the baby has been born my two year old has started to do things and regress in many thing she has learnt.
My biggest issue right now is the blakie and pacifier. She used to take them at night when she would go to sleep. Now she holds on to them all day. She keeps the pacifier in her mouth all day and its driving me insane! Part of me wants to take them both and just throw them out. But I feel bad for her. We live in a country where we have no family and very few friends. The winter has been brutal so we are home all day. If the weather was nice I could handle taking her out to the park where she could forget about them but now at home what do I do?
She is very sensitive and when she gets down or jealous she wont eat for two or three days. She is defiant and stubborn to no end.

Please don't think I am a bad mother I am trying so hard but I am falling apart. I had a C-section and batling PP Depression which I just started medication for. I know its all excuses right?
I just need advice. Please, please.

 
Old 02-18-2008, 06:28 AM   #2
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Re: 2 1/2 year old issues

Oh my goodness, not once while reading your post did I ever think you were a bad mom. What you are going through is very common and I hear this happens a lot to toddlers. She just wants some attention, and she sees all the attention the baby is getting.

I don't have advice since my son is only 15 months, but I am sure many other moms on the boards will be able to offer some help. I just want to let you know that you will make it through these next few months.

I would like to recommend joining your local MOMS Club. Do a search on line for "International MOMS Club" and you can find one near you. I am involved in mine and I think the best part of it is the weekly playgroups. After having my son and quitting my job, I was so lonely. I have met some great people in my moms club and now have something to do with them every week. It is especially important in the winter months when you are going stir crazy. My son also has friends and is socializing with other kids. I am giving you this advice because I remember how depressed I was after having my son. I am sure it is 10 times worse when you have two little ones.

Best of luck.

 
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Old 02-18-2008, 06:57 AM   #3
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: 2 1/2 year old issues

Hi Usam, I wouldn't worry about her regressions. I would give her some extra attention to help her feel loved and secure. You know these first borns think that we have another baby because we aren't happy with them and we want to replace them. My first born had a really hard time when my second was born. If your daughter is sensing your dissapproval with her regressions it will make her feel worse and confirm for her that you are unhappy with her. It is okay for her to feel this way.

I second Kelto's Mom's Club suggestion. I belonged to one and it helped with the stay-at-home mom blues (I am not downplaying your pp depression) and I learned so much about parenting from these other professional moms.

And you aren't being a bad mother and those aren't excuses, they're realities which are factoring in on your situation.

Last edited by Sannah; 02-18-2008 at 07:17 AM.

 
Old 02-18-2008, 10:03 AM   #4
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Re: 2 1/2 year old issues

my girls are exactly two years apart, so i do know what you're going through! and no, you are NOT a bad mommy!!!!! if you were, you wouldn't be here! my girls are now 4 and 2 years old and they play together really well, so just know that there is light at the end of the tunnel!!! i remember all the months i spent reassuring my oldest that someday her little sister would be big enough to play with her! she even reminds me that her baby sister used to be so tiny, but now she can talk and play!

it's fairly common for older siblings (especially at your child's age) to regress when new babies are introduced into their world! suddenly mommy and daddy and everyone who visits are completely awestruck by this tiny squirming little screaming baby and the older child feels threatened by it.

a few things you can do to help your older child adjust.... you can leave the baby with someone you trust (daddy, grandma, whomever) and take your older daughter out on a special big girl date to somewhere fun. really stress the "big girl" part a lot..... "you get to come with mommy because you are a big girl and baby has to stay home because baby is too little...."

let her help you with chores around the house. she's big enough that she can help get the laundry out of the dryer, she can help wipe the table after meals, she can help set the table, she can even help unload the dishwasher (plastics, silverware - just make sure the knives are all out first!), you can even let her "cook" with you (stirring stuff, beating eggs, etc...). again, all things she gets to do because she is a big girl, and baby can't do it because baby is too little. really praise her for her "help" too, and emphasize that she is a big girl and baby is a baby, and what would you do without your big girl helper???

let her help with the baby. baby is so little and can't do anything right now, thank goodness baby has a big sister that will help take care of her so that baby can grow up and play with big sister.... let her get the diaper changing stuff out for you, let her get out the burpies, baby's blanket, baby's binky, etc.... you can even let her help you with bathing the baby. she can use a cup to pour the water on baby's tummy to rinse the soap off....

let her have her blanket. she needs a comfort thing and if the blanket makes her happy, it's not going to hurt anything to let her drag it around. we leave ours in the carseat when we go to the store because we don't want it to get yucky sick germs and have to get it washed as soon as we get home (it takes me forever to get the laundry going, so i think my two year old has taken that into consideration!!!)!

as far as the binky.... there are several methods you could try to get rid of it all together, but if you do it too soon, there's a good chance she'll just steal baby's, so you really want to be sure she wants to get rid of the binky first....

i waited until my older daughter was around two and a half to get rid of her binky, so this method could really work for you. we went and looked on-line at pictures of really bad teeth. black, rotten, crooked, nasty, gross, disgusting teeth (i just looked up "bad teeth" and went to the images). i told my daughter this is what can happen if you have too many binkies. then i asked if she wanted ugly black crookedy teeth or beautiful white sparkly princess teeth? she chose princess teeth and so i said then we can't have too many binkies anymore, okay? she never took a binky again. funny thing was, my goal was just to get her to leave the binky in her bed and only have it at naptime and bedtime! but she did NOT want ugly crookedy teeth and she got so offended that i even tried to offer her a binky that day at naptime!!!

until you think she is ready to get rid of it all together, you might get her a special "binky box" she can keep her binky in when she isn't in her bed. let her put it in first thing when she gets up and then put it up on a shelf so it will stay "safe."

as far as awful winter weather hindering the outdoor play.... i so understand!!! we have a folding slide that i got at babies-r-us and it's been a life saver!!! it fits perfectly in our hall closet next to the vacuum cleaner and on bad weather days, i pull it out and let them go nuts on it! i also got my girls a little pop up tent that is easy to fold and put away when it's not being used. it really helps keep them busy!

i sure do understand the not having family around. our closest family is a good eight hour drive away, and most of my friends here have kids too, so it's hard to feel like i can just leave my kids with them (we do swap a lot though). joining a mommy group or a play group really does help! our play group was started through our church, and i know at a few elementary schools, they have play group sign ups too, so those are a couple of places you might look too.

anyway, sorry for the rambling. i just really know what you're going through and these are all ways we dealt with it. hope it helps!

 
Old 02-18-2008, 01:57 PM   #5
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sumi HB User
Re: 2 1/2 year old issues

Thanks so much for your replies.
You all have good points for me to think about.
I do get her involved in the kitchen which she loves, we literally bake a cake every day. I get boxed cake mixes and mix a can of coke, no eggs or oil so she can lick the batter and she loves it. The cake actually tastes good too! I try different colors of soda with the white cake mix and she likes that.
She is a super helper with the baby, I call her the small mommy and I am the big mommy.
I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one.
I should say that even though she has regressed with everthing else she is potty trained and still does well with that.
As for the mothers group, we do belong to one but unfortunately my little one only speaks Greek right now and has trouble communicating with the other children since she does not speak English. I plan on enrolling her to a preschool this September so she can socialize and learn the language. We just have to get through this horrible winter!

 
Old 02-27-2008, 03:59 PM   #6
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TXChica70 HB User
Re: 2 1/2 year old issues

I didn't read all the posts so I apologize if I'm repeating something that was already written, but my sister in law has two young children and she makes a point of having mommy and Seth time with her oldest. When the little one is napping she has their special time so he doesn't feel left out. She'll also have her husband watch the little one for an afternoon so her and her oldest can go do something together, just the two of them.

I can't relate as I only have the one but I can say that this too shall pass. From from I've read and been told, this is a very common issue and patience is the key here. Having said all that though, you have to remember not to lose yourself in all this. I know your daughter needs some special attention right now but you're not going to be much help to her if you are depressed. Take some time for yourself and know that you are a good mom no matter how you might feel in any given moment.

 
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