I don't know if this is a health question, but it certainly is a behavioural one. My partners daughter has just started school this year. We have had alot of problems with my partners ex, arguments, stupid behaviour because she doesn't approve of him and I. And she has no shame doing this infront of her children and using her children as bait. She would send her daughter to our house with instructions to say things, not to say things, kick or hit, break things and hurt the animals. This has been happening since the daughter was 4. We have just been informed that the daughter now has to change schools because she's been on the receiving end of bullying. I'm wondering if her mothers actions could have rubbed off on her, and made her act in a way that other kids would not like her. I'm not trying to find a way to blame her mother for something. I've often had these concerns for both my partners children (his son is not of school age yet), because the chilren seem to want to hurt eachother alot more than other siblings do. Also, i don't want my partners daughter having to go through 3-4 schools only to find out she can't make friends anywhere. And I don't want this problem to happen to his son either because his son has learning disabilities that probably isn't going to help him make friends, he doesn't need anything else inhibiting him. Could this situation make it hard for these two children to make friends at school?
It might be best to remove yourself from the relationship, in the best internet of the child. The mother is acting in a way that is harming her child and teaching her bad things, it is very unfortunate. If you were no longer involved perhaps that mother would stop her behavior and the child would not be subjected to this anymore. It may not be the adivce you are looking for, but the daughter will develop more issues as she grows due to her parents not being together, the fighting (mom), and dad's new girlfreind (you, and if the mother has any new boyfreinds creates confusion and anger in many, but not all children these days. Step back and look at this situation and think about the best interest of the child. Best of luck to you!
But its not the parents not being together. The parents were apart along time before my partner and i were together. And things were fine then. Even for the first year of me living with him were fine. It was as soon as she found out I was pregnant (i unfortunately lost it) that it all started. She's had bf's since, she's had a child with another man since. I don't see how me removing myself from my relationship is going to help. If its not me, then its just going to be someone else. At the moment as we stand, my bf doesn't get to see his kids because he was sick of this stuff happening. She would drop them off to stay the weekend but would crack it about something and come pick them up a few hours later. Now she is trying to take them completely off him to try and get him to leave me. This isn't right. She needs to learn that people get on with their lives. She did, why cant he? And why cant she see she is only hurting her kids?
I think both parents are very dysfunctional. Your boyfriend (the father) should be handling this situation. This is his daughter and he should be working with the school and helping his child. Maybe he needs to get full custody so his daughter can have a home with him. If the mother is such a bad influence and causing such chaos, then he needs to step in and take over. The mother doesn't seem to be a good role model at this point. Believe me, he needs to do something about it NOW or you will have a tough teen on your hands later in life.
I wish it were that easy. He's not on her birth certificate because she got benefits from the government that she didn't deserve by trying to claim to be a single parent while living with the father of her kid. Its also very expensive. But we are looking into getting something done. At the moment he has no rights over his daughter, if he were to go to her school or call them theres nothing they could say to him. We're currently trying to get some money together to see a lawyer about this. Because it's really a depressing situation.
It sounds like a lot of drama, is this really what you want in your life? The mother has an issue with you whether it is jealously, etc. As long as your around you can guarantee that it won't stop. If you want to stay in this relationship then be prepared for an angery child/teenager and a lot of chaos. The mother won't change and the father has no control, sounds like your stuck.