It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Children's Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-19-2009, 08:06 AM   #1
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: alma, mi
Posts: 379
dolejaly HB User
Long hair, rock and roll and peer pressure in pre-teens....

I have a 12 yr old son that likes rock and roll music, video games(of course), and has his hair long....As w/ my oldest boy when he was the same age decided to grow his hair long as well. My oldest boy didn't cut his hair until he was 22, and the reason he told me he never cut it before was because of other kids making slams at him about his hair and he wanted to show them he is not just another robotic peer that is going to do what every other kid does to fit in, that is why he never drank,smoked or got into drugs. He wouldn't even let his friends smoke in his truck when he was 16/17 yrs of age. I am not a mother that feels long hair is wrong or makes the person a bad person(such as Jesus has long hair)...Same way w/ rock music...But, the problem is w/ my 12 yr old he is harassed badly at school being called gay, ****, etc..you get the picture...He has great grades in school, but since this school year his emotional status has become worse and he becomes emotional and says he better do what the other students want or they won't like him, beings he has told me other kids in the school told him if you cut your hair we will be your friend. I find that right down wrong!...Even the teachers and principle have made comments about maybe he should cut his hair. The school never corrects other kids for calling him gay, ****, etc....and believe me my kid is far from that, just because he chooses to like rock music and have long hair the school officials should not make suggestions of changing his appearance and not addressing the issue. I have been up to the school several times where my son has retaliated and called names right back at the kids, but unfortunately my son then is called into the office and subject to consequences of name calling, but never is one of the other students called in for what they say to him. Which has made it very obvious that the school is no better than the students.

I thought schools were to try and avoid peer pressure from students to be like everyone else, you know the saying, if so and so is doing it then we want to be cool and accepted like that kid...So if he cuts his hair as other kids want, what is next smoke weed, go out and have sex, be cool and carry a weapon just because some one told him they would like him if they were just like another kid?....At this time we are coming to the end of the school year and normally I tell my kids like w/ the hair issue if you want it cut short ,then lets get it cut, I want them to be who they are, w/ in reason...LOL...but this time my advice is different to him I told him there is only a couple of weeks left of school leave the hair long to show them you will not become that so called robotic school kid that is going to be bullied into peer pressure for anything....If he wants to cut it after school is out for the summer because of his own choice then so be it, but I don't want him to ever feel he needs to do something to be like someone else, to me if one of my friends told me to do something or they wouldn't be my friend, they were not my friend in the first place. My partner feels that maybe I am wrong and to be accepted that he should do what they want instead of feeling excluded...

Am I wrong for not wanting my son to become what other kids become, a image to impress others, to allow such control over appearance...?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-19-2009, 11:00 AM   #2
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 24
confidentialme HB User
Re: Long hair, rock and roll and peer pressure in pre-teens....

Quote:
Originally Posted by dolejaly View Post
The school never corrects other kids for calling him gay, ****, etc....and believe me my kid is far from that
Would it be a problem if he was?

Speaking of name-calling and acceptance issues...

 
Old 05-19-2009, 11:12 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,396
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Long hair, rock and roll and peer pressure in pre-teens....

Quote:
Originally Posted by dolejaly View Post
LOL...but this time my advice is different to him I told him there is only a couple of weeks left of school leave the hair long to show them you will not become that so called robotic school kid that is going to be bullied into peer pressure for anything....If he wants to cut it after school is out for the summer because of his own choice then so be it, but I don't want him to ever feel he needs to do something to be like someone else, to me if one of my friends told me to do something or they wouldn't be my friend, they were not my friend in the first place. My partner feels that maybe I am wrong and to be accepted that he should do what they want instead of feeling excluded...

Am I wrong for not wanting my son to become what other kids become, a image to impress others, to allow such control over appearance...?
I agree with you.....let him make the decision about his hair. He will cut it if he wants to. I strongly disagree with your partner.....you can't go thru life as a sheep just so people will like you.

 
Old 05-19-2009, 05:23 PM   #4
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: alma, mi
Posts: 379
dolejaly HB User
Re: Long hair, rock and roll and peer pressure in pre-teens....

Quote:
Originally Posted by confidentialme View Post
Would it be a problem if he was?

Speaking of name-calling and acceptance issues...

Actually no it wouldn't be a problem if he was gay, because that is who he would be..but, as everyone knows they don't like to be called repeatedly something they are not..Just like when a girl that is a virgin but hangs out w/a little bit of a rough crowd gets called bad names to put it nicely , sleazy..you get the picture..If your white and hang w/ Mexicans or African Americans and start to speak words like them as many change their accent to how they pronounce words, many will call you a wigger(which I feel is wrong.....your a person w/ all kinds of friends and just because you hang around certain people or resemble them in any form that some seem to think that one should have the right to place a incorrect title behind it....So if a person is gay they should hold their head high and stand for what they believe in and if they are not they should stand behind that as well....

 
Old 05-20-2009, 05:10 PM   #5
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 24
confidentialme HB User
Re: Long hair, rock and roll and peer pressure in pre-teens....

Okay sorry. It had sounded like you were saying "there's NO way" as if you had a problem with guys who are gay.

But no, I totally agree. The school NEEDS to step in. Kids cannot be calling someone gay or labelling them, especially if using it as an insult. The fact that the teacher isn't stepping in surprises me.

 
Old 05-22-2009, 07:29 AM   #6
Veteran
(female)
 
simplyheather's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Eastern Oklahoma
Posts: 404
simplyheather HB User
Re: Long hair, rock and roll and peer pressure in pre-teens....

The point here isn't being gay or not and accepting it or not, or even cutting your hair or leaving it long, its about bullying. There are laws in several states that protect children from bullying in schools. Also several states encourage schools to implement a bullying program. You need to find out if your state is one of them. Because that is exactly what is happening to your son.

Being someone who was always and "outsider" and "weird" to the other kids in school, it was a terrible experience. I took things very personally for a long time, but got to a point where I was who I was, and I could care less about impressing anyone. Especially if you think about it, how many of these kids will he be friends with, let alone even see around 10 years from now?

If you don't think its bullying, read the following:
"What is school bullying?
Bullying is a form of violence that hurts others. School bullying happens at school or during
school-sponsored activities when a student or group of students intentionally and repeatedly
uses their power to hurt other individuals or groups. Bullies’ power can come from thier
physical strength, age, financial status, popularity, social status, technology skills, or by
association (the people they know, who they hang out with, who their family is)." That was taken from a website that hands out material to schools about child safety.

I would say to tell him that these kids won't mean a hill of beans to him after he graduates, but that won't help him now. Just let him know that you're there to support him in whatever decision he makes and that being an individual and standing apart from the crowd isn't always a bad thing. He'll find that his real friends don't care what his hair looks like, or what label is on his jeans, they'll like him for who he is.

If that's any help.
-heather

 
Old 05-22-2009, 08:33 AM   #7
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: alma, mi
Posts: 379
dolejaly HB User
Re: Long hair, rock and roll and peer pressure in pre-teens....

It is hard to believe that the school won't do anything about the situation, but, unfortunately what I see is the some of the school official were once that student that felt they stood above everyone else and done the controlling on kids that were standing for who they are.

I have done some research with "hate crime" as this does fall under the category and during the reading I did find that all teachers are familiar with this type of behavior plus know the laws and are to not tolerate it. Unfortunately this school is about money, it always has been even when I attended it, which was many years ago(yes, back when dirt was still new, LOL).....

Being this is the end of the school year nothing can really be done and my son has become more emotional over the everyday bashing of his long hair, preference in music and name calling that he retaliates to protect himself only because he has tried to follow the advice prior of telling an adult when situations arise before they get out of hand only to find that nothing gets done, the teachers just tell him to ignore them. Which would be fine but when my son does stand up for himself and will argue why he likes what he likes he ends up in the principles office. Not to mention he tells me that kids will get more madder at him for telling if anyone gets into trouble....He wants to be accepted but yet he wants to be himself...he is torn and it has become very hard on him...

I ended up to the school for over an hour one day because of one child that my son had issues with for the past few months over his appearance, the one that keeps calling him Gay, and Gay-boy, girl, etc...the child my son replied and called him "mini-moy" which got him in school detention for a day for calling him a story book character of being short...Well after days of days these two have issues this boy stood no more than 6 ft in front of my son in a school game and kicked a ball into his face causing the breakage of my sons glasses, and the school would not look into the problem at all, until I went up there and told them I want something done, only in the end to the school saying it was an accident. Not even a week prior my son was involved in a school game and the other kids said they were not going to allow him to play because they don't want freaks in their group, my son was upset threw the basket ball to the kid and said fine, the kid did not even try to catch the ball and it hit the kid in the hip, my son was kicked out for the rest of the day from school, and he said it was an accident, he just threw the ball to the kid and said fine. I don't want to play the dumb game anyways....But, it seems my son is constantly getting punishment for if he farts cross ways, and other kids can do as they want.

My son has many migraines and I got his eyes checked to see if that was some of the cause, which he did need glasses and he didn't have a problem wearing them and they did decrease his headaches, but after being teased about that, he quit wearing them, he said he gets teased enough that he don't want to give them another reason, so now he deals w/ headaches again, but refuses to wear the glasses. He asked me why is it other kids wear glasses but as soon as he does he is made fun of, like I explained to him it is because they know they can get the best of him already and so they find anything they can. He has gave them the upper hand by letting them know he gets upset over things. I try to tell him to just laugh at them and eventually they will back off, but he is so hurt and upset that he is unable to do so...

When I had a discussion about my sons long hair w/ the principle she had said the complaint was it is always in his face and when he sits at his desk they can not see his face, my sons response was I get my work done don't I? Just because my hair covers my face while looking down that the desk means nothing. My son put his hair in a ponytail and of course that didn't solve the problem..yes he was picked on for being a male and having a pony tail. I have seriously thought about contacting a attorney about a discrimination charge again the school about the long hair. But, unfortunately my son will suffer the outcome in the end by the school officials if I do that.

I am not one of those parents that say my kids do no wrong, because i know that isn't true, all kids at some point pull something, and I know my son is very emotional and quick to get mad, but there was only one time that my son struck out first and that was physical, was a kid on his bus seen my other son that is severally disabled and started to laugh and make fun of handicaps, my son asked if he thought it was funny, and the kid said yes and kept taunting my son, so he slugged him in the arm and told him to knock it off, and the kid retaliated w/ hitting my son in the face...the bus driver cited the child and he was kicked off the bus, only to lead to the mother calling the cops on my son for hitting him in the arm. One thing my son is known to do is to tell the truth even if it gets him into trouble, which sometimes he don't know when to shut up and tells on himself for things I have no idea about of tormenting his sister, LOL...But, I have always praised him for being so honest, he did tell the bus driver, the cop and myself the whole story even though he knew he shouldn't have struck first, that he was guilty for hitting, which we agreed that both boys be kicked off the bus for 3 days, although the adults said they wouldn't tolerate anyone making fun of handicaps especially siblings, that was the best way so the other mother would calm down. My son will always accept punishment if he knows he has broken any rules, but he See's only him getting punished and other kids not even talked to about the situation such as the name calling.

Its hard to keep telling my son to not call anyone names in return because that makes him no better, but I don't want him to always stand down in his life to everyone...I don't know what to do, when I don't have school officials understanding what it is doing to my son, not to mention even my partner feels that my son should not retaliate in anyways and if he does that he should be punished...He felt my son should be grounded for hitting the kid in the arm that was making fun of my sons brother because of his handicap....

I don't know what other advice to give my son to help him. I don't know what to do about the school . I know he will have the same issues next year beings the same students follow to the next school year.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
how junior ROTC helps deal with peer pressure latoya25 Teen Health 0 01-26-2008 12:46 PM
how jrotc helps me deal with peer pressure pati930 Teen Health 1 01-13-2008 04:23 AM
Belated Birth Story - Kind of Long beabonnet Pregnancy 1 12-11-2006 11:17 PM
Long hair questions Jackswift Hair Problems 1 02-24-2006 06:26 AM
Hair damaged from straightener Kelly28Tx Hair Problems 8 08-28-2005 08:18 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:35 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!