For the past few years my son has been very defiant at home. He argues with his father and me about EVERYTHING. He wont do anything for himself, he is a terror to get ready for school, he wont do homework, brush his teeth, get his own drink without a huge fight. However at school and friends houses he is very respectful and well behaved (thank God).
I brought this up with his doctor about a year ago and he said he is a BOY. He did say if it continues he will recommend a child psychiatrist. Well I think we have reached that point.
Does anyone else have similar issues? And what do you do for them?
It's hard to advise on the situation as I don't know the ins and outs of your family life. I've seen things in the waiting room of mental health. Little boys yelling "I hate you" at their mothers and the mothers saying calmly I hate you right back. Some think its an effective way of parenting when in fact it's not. They go in because they believe their child has add/ADHD and leave disappointed. It's just bad parenting. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your a bad parent in any way. What I'm getting at was maybe there was a mistake made somewhere along the line and possibly continued to be made and corrective action could be taken. Perhaps I could be very wrong, ther could possibly be something wrong, who knows?
My daughter, now 8 went through a very brief (and when I say brief I mean very brief) phase of not wanting to get her own drinks and plates. It is customary in our house for me to fix my husbands plate. He sits at the head of the table. My daughter is now old enough to fix her own plate, I fix my own, my husband gets his drink, he gets mine. She gets her own drink. She eats from children's plastic dinnerware, it is not breakable. The buffet table is low enough to where reaching everything is not a problem. She would sit at the table and demand to be fed and drink set before her, as if she were a baby again. We asked her how old she was, she answered proudly, 8! When then asked her how late do 8 year old stay up. 8 o'clock. This went on for a bit until we got to the final question. Do 8 year olds fix their own plates and drinks? "But I like the way mommy does it" my husband replies with "Do you like the way mommy cooks it? Because you won't know if you don't make a plate." He then got up and acted like he was going to eat it all.
We have our bumps along the road. My daughter hates water. So I bought zero calorie sugar free kool aid. She's a water addict now. She has eczema but hates aquaphor so I put her prescription cream in a bottle and wrote slug slime on it. She puts it on regularly now (gross). Sometimes the most difficult problem has the simplest solution.
We are a loving family that show respect to one another 90% of the time (we are also human). When my son tells me he hates me I reply with "that makes me very sad because I love you very much". For the past two yeas I figured he was just VERY spoiled (which still may be the case). So we tried correcting that by pulling back a little bit and saying "no" more often and trying to get him to do more on his own. now you would think after two years we would have made some progress but NOPE! So in doing research I heard about ODD. Well this sounds exactly like my son except he does not seek revenge on people he is actually quite loving. So if there is anyone out here who DOES have a child with this disorder please any advice would be appreciated.
Yes, I have a son with ODD. He is now 25 and it has been a very long road. Started with counceling at age 8. First told he had ADHD and then when he was doing meth at age 16 ODD & Bi Polor. Nothing helped until I had him arrested at the age of 17 when he was violent against me and his younger brother. An organization called Tough Love helped his father & I the most. We found out that when he was violent at home, he was breaking the law. So we got the police involved. Before you guys say how could you do that, just walk a mile in my shoes! Bad parenting? Please!
I let him move back into our house after 5 years with rules. He is clean of drugs, has a profession and is respectful to his parents. What happened? He knows that if he gets out of line I would have him arrested. We almost lost him when he was on drugs. He is alive and I love him.
I wish you much luck, I didn't have success with mental health professionals,but that doesn't mean you won't.
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