How do I keep people from rejecting me for CFS and FM? No one seems to be able understand my CFS, Fibromyalgia, and depression that keeps me from working and Iím on disability benefits. I have a doctorís degree, so they think I should be working. My whole family has completely rejected me for not working, because we have such a high work ethic in our family. My wife at the time was diagnosed with having schizophrenia leaving me to raise three boys alone 8 years ago, and nobody understands that either.
A best friend more or less rejected me last night, saying I should not be on disability because yesterday I had a better day and was able to help him put beds together and fix up some rooms.
On some days I can do normal things like everyone else and get a lot done (not often), so people think Iím not sick. But other days I am bedridden. I feel hopeless, completely rejected, sick all the time, and completely useless to society even though I do some work for the homeless at times like tonight (Room at the Inn). Now Iíve learned that I dare not tell anybody that Iím sick, because it always ruins my relationships soon after they find out Iím not working.
Re: How keep people from rejecting me for CFS and FM?
I am so sorry you are not only suffering physically, but emotionally as well. I have an idea of how you feel. My back was injured 18 yrs ago and after 4 spinal surgeries, I still suffer terribly. I also think I have some other issues going on with muscle and joint pain. I have a loving fam...parent, 3 sisters, a husband and 2 younger children. My fam has always known what I have gone through with my surgeries and such, yet some of them don't acknowledge that anything is wrong with me. My sister ( who happens to live the closest) for whatever reason has always made comments about me...for example, I have to lay down a good bit and thanks to my wonderful husband, I don't have to get up with the kids in the morning for school...if my sister calls, she'll usually say "oh what, is she still in the rack." When I'm around her shell say things like " we'll we all can't be like (me) and lay around in the rack all day. A number of yrs ago when I had one of my surgeries where I wasn't going to be able to do anything for 6 weeks, she never stopped by, didn't see if we needed anything, and we live 2 miles away. Meanwhile, someone in her neighborhood wife left him and she's making them dinners.
I went to therapy about my chronic pain and didn't even realize how much the comments and such bothered me. I have a disability place card for my car, my father once jumped out before I pulled in the spot out of embaresment, my sister another time told me I shouldn't park there because there are people who actually need it.
Some people obviously have issues admitting that someone in their fam, has a physical problem....especially when it's not fully evident when you look at them. As my therapist said, it's their problem not ours. It is their issue, they don't want to deal with it and its a cop out on their part...perhaps they don't want to face something. Just know you have done nothing wrong and it's not your responsibility to make them understand. Of my 3 sisters, only 1 will ever ask me how I'm feeling and I think that's because she has struggled with things in her life. My mother , husband, and children have always, and no doubt will always, support and encourage me. I know my father cares about me, occasionally he'll mention something about seeing a new dr or when he twinges his back, he makes a comment that he can't imagine how I must feel everyday.
You do what's best for you. If you haven't spoken to a therapist yet, I would suggest doing so. It will help you not worry so much about what they think and let you focus on. You and your children. Good luck