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Old 08-14-2007, 06:44 AM   #1
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Does anyone else find it tough finding topics to discuss with people?

When I see people, especially if I see them often, I don't seem to have anything to discuss with them. Most people discuss their jobs or their hobbies,or what they have been doing. My proplem is because of chronic pain I can't work or go to school, and I don't really do much. Casual conversations consist of almost nothing else.
I really hate talking on the phone because theres always this awkward silence because I don't have much to say. I even avoid the phone because of it. I seem to bore people very quickly. Is this common with people with chronic pain?

 
Old 08-14-2007, 12:19 PM   #2
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Re: Does anyone else find it tough finding topics to discuss with people?

Hey Life Lost, your doing great chatting on the board here. Okay I to find that I dont work any more due to back, don't go out either for dinner etc.... my main joy is going out for a cup of coffee and hoping to God there is not a queue. I love the phone, my husband said I was possibly born with one to my ear. When you are talking to people turn the conversation to them, ask what have they been up to, if you sound not interest that is when the calls stop and the people stop calling. Why dont you make it a job that at least once a week (my case once an hour!!!) to call someone, friend, brother, sister, to find out how they are, keep your pain talk to the minimum, just say yep still struggling, but sure it will get better, what have you been up to,
I know this isnt any great advice, yesterday I had a bad bad day, but a friend phoned me who is not a back sufferer had her own problem needed to talk, and we didnt mention my back, I really wanted to tell her that I was crying most of the day, but did'nt as she has always been there for me on a bad day and it was her turn for me to be there for her. Life lost can you get out for 60 minutes, longer, what are your limits?

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Old 08-14-2007, 02:24 PM   #3
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Re: Does anyone else find it tough finding topics to discuss with people?

I did not find myself at the point when i am not interested to talk to my friends, family members or just people who call to find out how I am. I actually enjoy talking to people. Very shortly i say that i am going through more tests and i am OK. Softly, i change the subject, asking about their kids, jobs, what are they doing, do they have time to stop and have a cup of coffee with me... We can chat and have fun! I believe that this is my time to have fun even if this just a phone call, like a therapy time. Helps to reduce stress, takes my mind away from pain, meds, etc.
I get days when i can't talk to anyone, but when i can - i use it and happy when i get phone calls, cards, dosens e-mails every day! My co-workers call for an advice, send their kids picks, little gossip here and there... life is still beautiful, why refuse to see it?
You can't get upset that your friends don't concentrate on conversations with you about your problems and pain; they may do it not to upset you or they feel that this is private... or maybe they just want to cheer you up the best way they can? Just relax and try to have some fun, this helps us to recover!!!!

 
Old 08-14-2007, 06:20 PM   #4
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Re: Does anyone else find it tough finding topics to discuss with people?

Life, I know exactly how you feel. I have noticed this in the last couple of years that it is hard to talk to others, mostly outside my family. What has really been bothering me is when we go out with other couples and they don't bother to ask ANY questions about my husband or myself. Since it is very difficult to go out at all, and we don't do it all that often because of how hard it is on me, it would be nice to do some talking. Instead, we listen about their jobs, their kids, and their activities. I know I don't have a lot going on now, but I did have an active life and still can positively contribute to a conversation. It's gotten so bad I told my husband to not be surprised the next time we go out if it happens again, I'm going to say now that we've listened to you talk all night, it's our turn.

Geez, I thought people still had manners. I do not like talking about my health so after saying I am doing ok, I try to talk about other things, so it's not like I try to bore them with my health. I love that line out of that movie The Doctor, "I'm dying, please don't waste my time." Wouldn't it be great to drop that on em!

Oh well, we'll just try to go out with people who care about us and are interested in what we have to say.

Melissa

 
Old 06-27-2011, 07:19 AM   #5
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Re: Does anyone else find it tough finding topics to discuss with people?

Im not sure if this will be of assistance because my situation is a bit different. I have been in recovery from alcohol for the past six years. I go to regular 12 step meetings and I do all of the things that are required. I recently shared at a meeting that I have to take narcotics for chronic severe pain management. I was met with a flurry of opposition from some people I used to respect. Since than (it has been almost six months) I have found that many people are unwilling to talk to me about recovery. I was even told by someone that I should not claim any sobriety as I was "addicted" to pain meds.
I still talk to people but the field is a whole lot smaller these days. i feel unnecessarily guilty about this. My sponsor is okay with what I have to do as is my wife (shes also in recovery for 5 years) but I cant help feeling like Im being judged. I know I have to keep talking to folks so I have sought out new people to connect with; people who understand what I have to do and how I never wanted any of this to happen.
We didnt choose the pain. No one in their right mind ever would. Please keep talking to folks until you find the ones who understand and can help. Good Luck.

 
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