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Old 07-05-2008, 04:49 PM   #1
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chronic pain and parenting

As I have posted elsewhere, I am 33 and new to CP. One of the things that has me worried lately is how and if I am going to be able to parent. My husband and I were planning to adopt children in the next year or two (that was the original plan, anyway). In addition to the potential problems with getting an adoption approved, I am worried how I will be able to manage living in pain and being a good parent. My husband will certainly be helpful, but I "wear the pants" in our family when it comes to this kind of thing.

I know many of you have mentioned in passing about your children. I would really love to hear your thoughts on how parenting is different and how you have managed to fulfill the parenting role while living with pain. Did you get thrown into pain after you were parents, or did any of you enter into parenting knowing you had chronic pain. Please share...

 
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Old 07-05-2008, 06:03 PM   #2
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Re: chronic pain and parenting

Hi, I actually have been blessed with two adopted children and just wanted to share that they are the love of my life and I thank the LORD each day for them. I will pray for a smooth and quick adoption for you.

I actually developed chronic pain after the arrival of my children. I have been dealing with spinal pain since 2004. My daughter was 8 and my son was 5. Although it has been challenging, I imagine it would be completely different with an infant. I can't remember if you pain is back or not. If it is, I imagine an infant would be extremely hard on you.

With that said, I actually feel my back pain has been a blessing because we are extremely close and spend alot of time together. Most families are so busy running everywhere doing stuff that they don't have time to really spend quality time together. With my pain, I can't drive so we are home pretty much 24/7 unless hubby carts us somewhere. This allows us to do alot together such as games, crafts, read alouds, talking, etc. My children are very compassionate toward others, have learned many household chores, and appreciate family trips, and going to eat. They don't take this stuff for granted.

I also homeschool so my children are truly with me 24/7. I would not trade this time with my children and I worry about getting older and them leaving me....I don't know what I will do without them....I am sure my arms will ache terribly.

Last edited by ms_west; 07-05-2008 at 06:04 PM.

 
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Old 07-05-2008, 06:45 PM   #3
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Re: chronic pain and parenting

My pain originates from my neck, and lifting is hard for me. I have degenerative disk disease, and I will probably end up with more surgeries down the road. I held my friend's 16 lb baby yesterday, and I could only hold him for a bit. For this reason (and for other reasons), I think we will ask for or accept slightly older children, at least toddler age. I just know that there are times when I suddenly have to lay down, or need some time alone while my medications are starting to work. I may not have that luxury with children. I am afraid that my ability to display patience or affection will be reduced at times, and I don't want my children to suffer because of my pain. Thanks for responding.

 
Old 07-05-2008, 08:38 PM   #4
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Re: chronic pain and parenting

I want to share with you that we do alot of reading in bed, playing games in bed -- with a toddler you can do alot in bed such as coloring, putting stickers on a piece of paper, puzzles, pop a video in, reading, blocks, etc. You can also have them step on step stool and climb on counter top to brush their teeth, have them climb on step stool and then into the bed so don't discount that kind of stuff. You learn with your injuries to come up with some creative ways to do stuff.

I homeschool and how many children are taught in bed and get to wear PJ's all day. We are known to do schooling 24/7. You adapt to situations and don't think twice.

If you go with a infant, maybe you can have a day nanny or have andelderly grandmother type come in to help you. If you really want to do this, you can make it work so don't be discouraged and I will always be here - unfortunately my pain is here to stay so you are all stuck with me. LOL

As far as patience, we have found that since I have gone on anti-depressent and anxiety meds, I am more relaxed and the little stuff does not bother me as much. I let alot more go than I did before and I have learned to select those things that are important and let the little stuff go. I have also found if I am in alot of pain with my children I can explain that I am not feeling well and we need to make a big bowl of popcorn and pop in a video. I have also been known to tell them watch out Momma snake (our code word) is ready to bite so they better behave and I start walking around hissing. They know Mom isn't in a joking mood and they respond to it very well.

As far as love/affection, it does not matter how much pain I am in. We read aloud books and snuggle alot, we curl up and watch a movie together, we do crafts, we cook together, and play a games. When we interact, we are very playful with one another and the affection is just natural. Again, I think because we are not off running the roads we have more time to be closer with one another and interact more with each other than the normal family. Truthfully, I have never found this to be a problem.

Last edited by ms_west; 07-05-2008 at 08:53 PM.

 
Old 07-06-2008, 05:21 AM   #5
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Re: chronic pain and parenting

Toones and pepper,i have a suggestion as to how you might see if you are able to handle the responsibiliys of having a child.If you have a family member,friend neighbor, or someone that you could babysit for and possibly keep over night most people with children welcome a break you could see how challenging this is,i just watched a show called the baby borrowers and the premise was so younger people who think they are ready actually borrowed babys to get the full experience ,and the outcome was amazing there was only one girl who really didnt freak out,some of the guys were actually better than the girls,next they move on to toddlers,this show was really interesting,i dont want to burst your bubble but theres no going back once you have adopted,and i think pepper has a great atitude and her kids are blessed and iam sure yours will be i just dont want you to get into something and than feel overwhelmed,working with children for years i see people who truly were not fit to care for animals let alone children,and its not there fault they just werent ready.good luck mary

 
Old 07-06-2008, 01:26 PM   #6
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Re: chronic pain and parenting

Since Diet Pepper answered your post I don't have much to add.
This is exactly who I wanted to write you about. She leaves in tremendous pain for years, can't work and still adapted 2 kids.
They do so many things together and seeing their mom fighting pain 24/7 made them stronger and more compassion people. They learned so much about life having a mom who is in pain, mom who needs help with everything.

I have 2 grankids; I call them my "happy pills" because after I see them (couple times a week) my pain becames lesser and I am so much happier!
I think that life for Diet is so much more beautiful because of her 2 kids.

I think if this is what you want so much will help you to heal to certain point. I think physically it will be hard; bring kids up is never easy. But emotionally you will be so happy, so satisfied; you will not feel like you have an empty spot which you couldn't fullfeel because of your disability...
Somehow kids give us a sence of well being; they make us feel like it worth to go on no matter what. They make us so happy especially if you love them to death...

Don't be scared, go for it; somehow we always get help if we want something very much. God never gives us more than we can handle - you will be just fine. You and your kids will be blessed. In my heart people who adapt kids are always blessed, because what can be more honorable than to give a good life to a child?

All the best to you, dear...

 
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