It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Chronic Pain Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-27-2008, 06:14 AM   #1
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,362
skych HB Userskych HB User
Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Hi Friends,

Well I am still feeling the same. It seems like no matter what I do nothing gives me any extended amount of relief.. My heart aches inside for this to be over soon. I know inside that this probly won't be this way forever, but for now I am really struggling to help myself feel less pain.

Yesterday I was home all day other than one errand to the store and that was it. The rest of the day I was reading and I tried to take a nap but I could never fall asleep. Not a real sleep anyway.

I missed church last week so I will be going this morning and praying for everyone and myself.
Tomorrow I am going to call my attorney and see about being reimbursed for a month or two of my pain meds prescriptions. I am also going to ask about the pain psych because I want to know~if I go will the information be disclosed an be used in the settelment dealings. Some things I just do not want to be disclosed ya know! I am sure the Pain Psych know how to handle that. I am hoping the attorney can get the Pain Psych to take me on a lein basis. I feel like I am spending the settlement money before I even have it. Very scarey thought.

At this point you guys..I feel that I am struggling, and in to much pain. I got to get these levels down but how??? I ice 2-3 times a day. I use a heating pad 2 times a day. It is not fun to have to use a heating pad when it is so hot outslde but I jsut can't take this relentless pain. Right now I feel like isolating and staying close to home. I know this is not good, but I just don't feel like being around people. I still have gone to a partial 12 step meeting here and there, but even that takes so much out of me I have only made it to 1-2 in the last week.
There are some things that just need to be done on the home front no matter what like..the yard needs watered daily or it will die. I don't have to drag the hose around or anything. I now leave it out so I can turn on the water and not have to move to much. I enjoy the watering and the yard. Dishes need to get washed. I just can't see using the dishwasher for such a few amount of things. I try to use paper plates etc. when possible. I use and wash which keeps me from doing to many at a time. Laundry only 1 or 2 times a week and I do not use the dryer right now to keep the bills down, as well as trying to not use the AC if possible. I have really minimized the house chores as much as possible. I am at a loss here because I am the only one to support and do the things that need doing. I do my best to tidy as I go so as not to have messes to clean.
I am trying my best here, but I feel as though all I can do is just pray! Pray for God to keep me close to him and carry me through until I can see the PM on the 4th and then after that carry me untill we can have some further intevention surgically or something.

I have noticed the amount of hours I am able to sleep is starting to decrease and the ability to take a nap is a bit tougher. I just don't seem to sleep very soundly.
Do you all think I could take an over the counter sleep aid to try and get a better nights sleep? It scares me because I am on all the pain meds and the OTC stuff may not be a good idea.
There are so many little things that need to be done and I am finding myself not really having any drive to do them. I wish sometimes I could sleep for 12 hours straight jsut so I could get some sleep and also so I would not have to feel so much pain.
Today

Please forgive me~~ I know Ihave not been posting as much as I normally do and so many things I see are going on with various people here. if I have not posted to you in your threads I have seen there titles and I am praying for you all.
I gotta get ready for church so have a good sunday everyone
Chrissy

Last edited by skych; 07-27-2008 at 06:17 AM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-27-2008, 11:38 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,884
cmpgirl HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Chrissy, I just wanted to let you know I am praying for you and I am sending out positive thoughts and warm hugs. Please don't apologize for not posting. It is what it is, and we all have our good days and our bad ones. We really do understand.

I wish there was something I could do to help, but I know it is more a matter of time for you right now. I pray that the time passes quickly and with less pain instead of more.

I just want to add that as far as an OTC sleep aid.......I have taken diaphenhydramine (Benadryl) in the past, along with my meds and it hasn't hurt me any. I would always recommend checking with your doc first though.

If that doesn't help, you could ask your doc for a short script of Klonopin. I already have Xanax for occasional anxiety, but it has a very short half-life compared to Klonopin. It definitely helped me to sleep longer at night, although it can be a bit of a catch 22. I know for me, the longer I stay in bed, the worse my pain is in the a.m. But sleep is also important, especially for us CPers. So, you just have to weigh the benefit vs. the cost, I guess.

Either way, I hope you are taking care of yourself and not pushing yourself too hard. (Not always easy, I know) I'll keep praying, as always. Please keep us posted, as you feel up to it. And keep on venting too. That is what we are all here for. Sending you warm gentle hugs, CMP/MM

 
Old 07-27-2008, 01:44 PM   #3
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: CA
Posts: 1,569
forginon HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Oh Chrissy!

More pain? This must not continue. I know you are so frustrated, and rightly so.

I want you to know that you have every right to feel as you do. You are in chronic, intractable pain and that's not right. I wish God would act. I wish He would take the edge off your pain. I will continue to bring your name to His attention until you get relief. Many others are doing the same. I know He loves you so much. So, clearly, there must be a reason why He doesn't just take the pain away. In some way, your suffering, and more likely the way you are handling it before others, brings Him glory. Just like with Job.

I don't know what else to write Chrissy. You are so precious. So vulnerable and so tender. Totally transparent to us all. You are a living, breathing example of a woman of God. Your reward will be great. But IMHO you've suffered enough. Too much. I pray for you every time I think of you Chrissy. And that will never stop. I think God has incredible plans for you. You have so much to offer. I am so proud of you Chrissy.

steve

 
Old 07-27-2008, 02:09 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 897
trowftd3 HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Chrissy,
I know you're going through a rough patch right now. Messed up sleep does not help at all!! I agree with Steve. Benadryl or another antihistamine would be a good short term solution but talk to your doc first. What about warm milk and chamomile tea? What about sleep rituals? Only using the bed for sleep and such. No tv, no reading etc...(this is a hard one for me...I love to read in bed)

Hang in there until your appointment on the 4th. Try not to over think the money thing. Also, try not to think too far ahead...think positive thoughts.
'Cleanliness is next to Godliness' but your health is too important. Pace yourself and remember that those dirty dishes aren't going anywhere....the dish fairy will not be stopping by at 3am to take care of them. I always have to let things slide until the rough patch is over. But, you also have to have faith that the rough patch is only a temporary setback...things will get better!

Praying for you.~Mush
__________________
undiagnosed lung and back pain after pneumonia in '03, tmj, migraines,(two failed surgeries for) Kienbock's disease

 
Old 07-27-2008, 07:56 PM   #5
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: florida
Posts: 340
Aver00 HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Bless your heart Chrissy - this is enough - we are not always supposed to understand God's plans but sometimes it would be nice to know when your relief will come and Chrissy your relief will come - it will be special when it happens - in the meantime I will continue to pray frequently for that

It is incredible what you go through daily and continue not to be bitter - your frustration is understandable but not to be bitter certainly means the Lord's arms are around you - I will continue to pray for you - you are so precious

as far as OTC meds, Dramamine is the one that works best for me -you could also start taking melatonin to enrich your sleep

huggs Aver

 
Old 07-27-2008, 10:07 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: COLUMBUS, OHIO
Posts: 2,163
brianpain33 HB Userbrianpain33 HB Userbrianpain33 HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Chrissy:
It makes me so sad to see what you are going through. I will be praying for you my friend. I can feel something positive coming in the near future so if they want to schedule surgery then get it done pronto. You definitely DO NOT WANT TO ISOLATE because this only leads to MORE DEPRESSION, MORE ANXIETY, and NOT GOING OUT VERY MUCH. Trust me I have been going through this as well and just starting to get back to normal No matter how bleak things may look, things can change if you have enough people that care, that pray, and support you. I am so grateful for all of my friends on this board because there were some days that I was losing the will to live and certain phrases or other people's stories would make me say to myself "I can continue to fight". You may have some long & difficult surgeries/recooperations ahead of you but merely take things 1 day at a time. It would be good if you could get your doses of meds bumped up a little bit to control the pain better.

As for the sleeping issue. You can try OTC melatonin tablet. Try to only take 1 or 2mg at first and see how that does. I believe the max is 6mg/night. I took them for 2 years when I had to give up my Klonopin/benadryl combo. However, now I alternate between Ambien & Benadryl. The good thing about Benadryl is that it is OTC and pretty cheap if you get the generic. Try taking 1 (25mg) pill at first and then if that is not enough you could take 2 (25mg) pills. Benadryl also comes in a liquid form if you prefer that. Just don't take a "nightcap" - NO beers, or shots of anything GOT IT Take care my friend

brian

 
Old 07-28-2008, 05:08 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: the DEEP S
Posts: 598
Blog Entries: 2
SpinalMalady HB UserSpinalMalady HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Chrissy:

Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. So many of us are in such a bad way. It has been a VERY bad summer for so many of us. I will continue to pray that you get relief and very soon.

God Bless you hon!

~!~ Becky ~!~
__________________
\lm/ = "I Love You" in Sign Language

12/10/04 MicroD & Hemi Lami 100% Success
09/05 Re-injured post Katrina
06-07 In Pain Mgmt. trying to deal
3/9/07 2 Level PLIF due to CES

 
Old 07-28-2008, 06:46 AM   #8
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,362
skych HB Userskych HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Wow,
Thanks to everyone! You all bring tears to my eyes but the are the kind of tears that are tears that know people understand and care for you. Steve your so right! I know God has his arms around me becuase if he didn't~~~I would be unable to reach out and ask for support. First I gotta be with Him so the willingness can come in!

The pain is the same. All I did yesterday was go to church and then try to fall asleep afterward, but I could not actually fall completely out. I watched tv and read some. I did notice that I had a period of time that was a few hours that I did feel better than I have lately.

My good friend came to visit and talk and we visited for about 2 hours. Me with my Ice bag on my Neck, and her with a kleenex box as she has made some poor choices as a woman in 12 step recovery so...it was good to be out of self for a bit.

Now I am not sure if I posted the MRI results from my shoulder, but I can if needed. It said there was no tearing but there was a statement about bursitis and a down sloping of something. I wonder if they will make me go to PT for that before doing any neck surgery?
I would be very hesitant to be going to PT with the way everything gets flared up in my neck.
I just want to move forward and if I am in the waiting pattern then I really need to be more comfortable than this.

Today is Monday so I have a few phone calls to be making today. I do not really plan on going out of the house today, but if the attorney wants to reimburse me for some of the prescriotions then I will go out to pick up the check and deposite it.

Becky, I know it Has been a Bad summer for some of us here, and I know there are so many of us on the prayer list these days that the Lord must be a really busy man.

aver...I do get pretty bitter sometimes. I did not really notice it untill my Mom pointed it out to me. SHe said that sometimes it is hard to be around me because I am unhappy and it shows through on an occasion. I am only human and she really does understand how hard it has and is for me. I am sure it is just as hard for her to wittness and be powerless as a mother to help her child. Thank God for Moms though!

Brian, thanks for posting sweetie.....how are you doing? Are you hanging in? I hope so! I think I am going to talk to the PM and let him tell me what is good to take on a bad night. I had tried the Melatonin years ago and it did not really help, but back then it was when I first got sober in 2000 and I was not on any meds or in any pain.


As for the isolating, it was good that my friend came by yesterday. She is one of the few close friends that I have and she does not pass judgement upon me. We are in 12 step recovery together and that also helps. I still have a lot of Phone contact with people in fact I had two people call and need a listening ear which is good for me because it gets me out of self.

The thing is I find it hard to go out and do anything with anyone other than my Mom. My Mom unsderstands that little quirky things I need to do to be comfortable while out and about. She also makes me lay down and take care of myself more often.
But right now I just don't feel like doing much. I just want to be at home in my safe zone..OK the tears are coming. I am going to need to possibly start school on the week of Aug 25th so I have some preperation for that.

Here is my thoughts on the school issue and maybe you all can tell me what you think.

I was planning on re-taking one of my science classes because it was a low grade and I need to have an A in the class. I know sounds silly but A's get you in to the nursing program. The science class runs 3 days a week for 1 hour and 15 minutes and on one of those days it has a 15 min break after the first 1 hour and 15 min session and then goes into a 2 hour and 45 min lab session.
Now I also signed up for a Sociology class that I would and should have taken a long time ago but the health has made it so I can only take one class at a time. This class is at the worst time of day for me be it is only 1 after noon a week for 2 hours a 15 min with a 10-15 min break and it costs less.

SO I think because I will not know about any surgery stuff untill after the 14th of Aug and I need to pay for and attempt to carry on and go to school up untill a surgery happens that it would be in my best interest to take the class that is not as hard and not as many days and hours of study.
The science class is a 4 credit class and very very intense and the Sociology class is a 3 credit class and less involved.
Now we all know I have issues with sitting in hard chairs for long periods of time, but I feel that the disabilities corordinator/councelor will help to get the best possible chair for me they can.
I just feel in my heart that if I want an A as the grade from the science class I should give my self the best opportunity to achieve that.

Do you all think the class that is less school days and less acidemically hard would be the best choice for me?
In a perfect world I would rather sit around and do nothing until these docs figure out when the best time for a surgery is, but I need to carry 3 credits to keeo the health insurance. I can not even imagine what those meds would cost if I had to pay for them without the discount card. It is alreay bad but I am sure it would be worse without the prescription discount card.
I know another long post but even though I want to stay home and not be around anyone and I want to not go to school and suufer and muttle through it, I still have to continue on with life because it would be unhealthy to not do so.

Maybe the schooling will help distract a bit. If I need to drop the class later then so be it. It is what it is and thats all it is.

The pain and waiting as we all know is just wieghing on me terribly. For sure once I see the PM i will be having a long talk with him about what to do about the high levels. It is just a motter of the darn waiting.

Another concern I have is the Cymbalta I take comes from the Lilly prescrition assistance program I am in. I just sent the paper work to try and renew the contract, but I have heard nothing and I have only 12 days of medication left and do not know what to do about that. I can;t just stop taking it when it runs out! I guess I call the doc and he writes a script if needed for one month
See it is just all these little nagging things that need taking care of and I am just to a point where I have no drive to be taking care of them.

Is this a bad sign? Bad because I have lost the drive to do things that need doing? I want to isolate and not go out and about with friends but that has been that way for a long time but knwo I just feel like being at home all the time. Is that Bad too???

Sorry for the long post again. Typing this all out does help me to process things. I just love my friends on this board (tears again)..if not for you all I just don't know what I would do to help myself cope.

I know this is a 12 step thing but my sponsor has not been as available as I would like lately and I do not know the reason for this, ut I am a bit annoyed at her and sent her an e-mail about my schedule so we can get together. I still need to be doing that part of my life or the pain will be that much harder to deal with mentally physically and spiritually.

Ok enough about me I am going to read and psot to people to get out of myself ...please keep the prayers and suggestions coming. Lord know I could use all the help I can get.

C

 
Old 07-28-2008, 02:37 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: COLUMBUS, OHIO
Posts: 2,163
brianpain33 HB Userbrianpain33 HB Userbrianpain33 HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Chrissy,
I am doing better but I am thinking about changing anti-d's again. I am only 30% better than I was before I started on the Lexapro. I put a call into my doc to ask her what we should do. I will ask her if 30% is acceptable in her opinion but in my opinion it is NOT acceptable. However I will just need to have a conversation with her to determine what we should do next.

Now for you my friend. Here is a list of things that I think you should do so take note:

1. Call the Lilly corporation customer service # and tell them your situation. Ask them if you are approved for assistance and how much longer things are going to take. In the worse case scenario maybe your doctor could give you samples to tide you over, or your psychiatrist(if you have one) could give you samples.

2. Sign up for both classes. However, I truly think you will only be able to take the Sociology class. You think that the pain is bad NOW without hardly doing anything, just imagine what it will be like when you have to go to school and do a LAB for several hours. I guess you could always drop the science class if you can't handle it.

3. I think you should schedule the surgery ASAP. I think you really need to STRESS to the doctor how important this is and how much you are SUFFERING.

4. Keep reaching out to people and the pain board. If you are staying home most of the time, then reach out to people on the phone and us.

Okay, did you get all of that? I will be praying for you too my friend. Keep us posted.

Brian

 
Old 07-29-2008, 06:59 AM   #10
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,362
skych HB Userskych HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Brian
your so sweet! I did write myself a note to call the Lilly foundation to see what the status is. I really need to do that. Worse case is that I have to start to pay for it. I really do think that if I was not on the Cymbalta I would have a tougher time with my emoitions. I think back to what it was like before the Cymbalta and there is no way I want to go back to that so if I need to pay for it ...welll so-be-it.

This morning I can here the ducks splashing in the little pond outside my bedroom window...along with the Quail peeping sounds. Cool way to start the morning.

You guys this is the best time of the day for me. It is 7 am and the meds I took at 4:30 this morning have kicked in and the level is now at a 6 1/2. I have not yet got up and moving a whole lot other than sitting at the computer. Usually taking a shower and fixing my hair elevates the pain back to a 7 or more. A 6 is good. Have not had one in a quite a few days now so I will take it.

Now about School. I decided to take just the one class. Sociology. I noticed that they do offer it as an early day class with a way shourter class time. So my choice for the Sociology class would be either Mon-wed-fri...10:00am- 10:50 am or one early evening a week Mon. 4 pm - 6:45 pm.
Hard decision to make because I do much better in the earlier hours of the day. The thought of being at school til almost 7 pm just concerns me. Also the one day a week class has a much longer period of time to sit in a hard chair.
I better check and see if they have any openings in the day class. I need to call the councelor for disabilities today.

As for the over-all pain levels I did notice that the less activity I do the better. But as we all know I have no choice but to do one or two things every day. If I don't then everythings piles up and next thing you know I am over doing it.

I will attempt a 12 step meeting today. Me and my Ice bag will only be able to sit for 30 - 40 minutes and then I gotta get up.
Brian, I have been had contact with a few people via telephone and I fianly heard from my sponsor and asked her once again when we were going to get together. The ball is in her court now.

It is hard when your hurting and not feeling well to want to associate with others. Interacting with people is really tough for me when I don;t feel good. I have a hard time doing it. I did talk with my sponsor about the laying low because of the high pain levels, and also we discussed the issue I will bring up to the PM on 4th of Aug. She agreed it is unacceptable to be living with such high levels of pain.

I gotta get going now because I have been sitting here for to long. Thanks again for all who hace supported me and once again kept me from going over the deep end with everything.

Chrissy

 
Old 07-29-2008, 08:00 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: western us
Posts: 7,268
ms_west HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Chrissy, honey I wish we could chat with one another. I think we could comfort one another -- I am trying to concentrate so I apologize if this does not makes sense -I worry so much about you being alone and suffering. I don't know what I would do without the support of my kiddo's. I think Brian is right you need to get out and be with others which is hard with the pain being at the levels they are. I soooo get that.

Personally, I think the classes over 3 days is better because of the length; however, it will take you having to drive and go out of the house 3 times instead of once. I know when my pain is high the entire process of getting out the house is a job in itself. Not sure if this is a problem for you or not. The up side is that you would be around more people 3 times a week which is good for the mental health aspects.

I also want to encourage you to post more on the board. You are very compassionate and have alot to offer others - you have alot of experience with chronic pain. I think personally it is extremely helpful for me to interact with others.

Luv ya and thanks so much for your support. If this does not make sense, its the meds.

 
Old 07-29-2008, 08:01 PM   #12
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 241
cherish1 HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Chrissy, I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. Like you, I love to go to church but some days it hurts so bad. Like last Sunday. I was in tears almost the rest of the day. Some days, I just can't sit straight up that long.

I have a question about your schooling - are you eventually going for a nursing degree? I just wonder about that - can't imagine being a nurse with the hours and the responsibility, time on their feet kind of a job. Do you expect to get much better that that would be something you could do?

Also, I am not familiar with how far you are in school, but have you looked into the CLEP (College Level Examination) program? You can earn quite a few college credits by passing the exams - you get the materials and study at home, then take the tests given by the college board (34 exams to choose from). These credits also last for 20 years!! The best way to do it is to work backwards - checking with the college you plan to get your degree from, looking at the classes your degree requires, and then making sure you CLEP the proper classes (and first checking to see how many CLEP credits your college allows.) Over 2600 colleges allow CLEP credits, so I really think you should check it out. The tests run around $70 and you don't have the college tuition!

As for sleep aids, I've never taken anything OTC but if I don't take Ambien, I don't sleep. But that's another prescription.

Like pepper, if I didn't have my kids and hubby, I don't know what I would do. It gets so lonely and hard to accept what I no longer can do. I totally understand.

( ( HUGS ) )

Cheri
Used to be cherir but it changed for some reason!
__________________
1/09 Spinal Cord Stimulator, ANS/St. Jude Eon Mini
11/07 - acute & chronic S1 nerve root irritation
12/21/06 -360 PLIF L5-S1 w/inst.
3/21/06 - L5-S1 fusion w/o inst.
12/21/05 - Lam/Disc. L5-S1.

Last edited by Mod08; 07-30-2008 at 04:45 AM.

 
Old 07-30-2008, 04:28 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: State of Mizery, USA
Posts: 625
tiggertoo2174 HB Usertiggertoo2174 HB Usertiggertoo2174 HB Usertiggertoo2174 HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Chrissy,

Is there some way you could take a class over the internet? This would allow you to work at your own pace at home with ice pack etc. readily available. I don't know if your school has this available, but my husband (who is traning to be a respritory therapist, hopefully he'll be able to go back in January after he finishes radation and has rested up) did some of his general education credits that way. The CLEP tests are also a great idea, hubby was able to test out of the computer class without any prep - he'd been a programmer for 20+ years.

Tigg.

 
Old 07-30-2008, 06:50 AM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 2,522
sammyo1 HB Usersammyo1 HB Usersammyo1 HB Usersammyo1 HB Usersammyo1 HB Usersammyo1 HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

chrissy, I am getting ready ot walk out the door for work, but wanted to let you know you are always in my thoughts. An online course would be perfect for you if you could do that. At least you would still be working on your education you know. I know you are really down & I wish I could hop on a plane & come to help you out. Hang in there my friend, I am here for you. Sammy

 
Old 07-30-2008, 07:26 AM   #15
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,362
skych HB Userskych HB User
Re: Pain~Sadness~Waiting~Isolating!~Where and what Now??

Hey Everyone,

You all had such nice things to say and I found todays comments to be very seet, compassionate and positive. I really do appreciatie you all so much. Pepper everything you said was completely understood...thanks.

Well I got to thinking about the schooling stuff. I went on-line and dropped everything but the Sociology class. I tried to get into the one that was 3 days a week but it was full already so I will be in the one that is only one day a week. I left a message with the dissabilities councelor at the college and will speak with here over the phone or through e-mail or she may call and have me set an appointment. If I need to attend class before surgey comes I will need to have a special chair put into the clasroom and left there for me. I will also need the councelor to find a responsible person in the class to take notes for me if I can not attend on a certain day, or they can just tape record the class for me by somehow getting my recorder and then returning it later. As for after surgery...the doctor would have to approve me to continue the class. If he says I can then I will have what-ever other accomidations accounted for before I return to class post operatively.

As for my schooling! Well by all rights I had planned to have the sociology done last semester and the history class done over this summer. BUT, the neck prevented me from attending more than one class last semester and then because I thought I was oing to have surgery over the summer I did not take the History class. I had planned to apply to the nursing program this past spring the because of the neck and uncertainty of what treatments were needed I did not take the entrace exams. There is no way in the world that me and this neck could physically go to school full time. So my entire life is on hold and now my dream of becoming a nurse is even questionable.

I have to face the fact that I mmay never become a nurse. I think if that were the case I would want to be some type of a councelor who helps people in pain and helps them to overcome the difficulties of pain and change from living a normal life to living one...say as a quadrapleigic(SP). Something along the line of a rehabilitaion councelor.
If I can make it through nursing school I would like to work in Pediatric oncology or in a burn unit or as a nurse case manager for insurance companies. I had one for workers comp and she was really awesome.

As for the pain and the isolating...well I am working on that. My good friend asked me out on his boat and I had to decline that because of my neck, and my Mom and Dad asked me to go fishing with them today, but because of the high pain levels already present I declined that offer as well.

I did go to a 12 step meeting yesterday and even shared in the meeting about spiritialality.

But I still don't feel like going out and about! I go out and do my errands etc and I interact with people that way. I had a 12 step friend over the other day and she was in a bad spot so we talked for a long time and another guy from the 12 step program called to ask for some support about something he was going through. SO all those things got me out of self for a while. but I am just deeply sad down on the inside. I just have the pit in my gut and it is full of grief and sadness. I cry a lot lately and I am not sleeping as much. There is nothing I really feel like doing other than the bare necessities. Tidy when needed and don't over do it. Shop only when needed for food etc.

Then the rest of the time I seem content enough to just lay around and read or make a piece of jewlery and work on getting that stuff on the web so I can sell it.

I don't know if you all have this feeling, but I have a feeling like the chronic pain has somehow dug this hole in my soul and it feels empty a lot of the time! Like I am missing out on something. Liek my spirit is somehow restriced right now and has to just stay calm and still for a while untill physically I can heal. This is tough, because I am usually a pretty active person.

My pain levels are the same all though I did seem to have a longer period of the 7 level so maybe that is due to the fact that I have been being sooooo careful to take it easy.

I know you all worry about me being alone, but what do I do? I see people at 12 step meeting, but as a chronic pain person who is not married or in a relationship, I am pretty limited in what I can physically do and spend for that matter. It is even tough for me to have people over to my house. I just feel so out of element.
I get tears now thinking about this stuff. I have been trying to reach out in here to someone else going through a tuff time at least once a day. But beyond all this I just don't have a desire to do much.. I think the school will help, but I will just stay home and study all the time.

What do you guys suggest? I am somewhat of o loner sometimes and like the peacefulness, but this is a tough deal to do by yourself. I wish my family lived closer. I get very very sad and empty feeling when my Mom leaves from her visits.

How do you all fill yourselves up when you feel like the CP life style has sucked you dry and your tired of living it and feeling physically and mentally tired.

Well I gotta get busy reading a few more things. Thanks again for the continuos support.
I think Health-Boards should hold a convention some place so those who would like to meet could get together and meet. Dream on!! that would be soooo COOL!
Chrissy

 
Closed Thread




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



gmak (39), katlin09 (20), tortoisegirl (18), BB07 (16), cspineguy (16), Moldova (14), Shoreline (13), jonnstar (11), LadyBassPlayer (11), nochange (9)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (855), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (769), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (654), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:04 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!