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I'm still around....

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Old 08-15-2008, 10:22 AM   #1
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I'm still around....

I feel guilty when I don't post on everyone's threads. I'm still here just haven't had the energy to post. We're still in limbo with my brother. My sis in law has kind of shut me down as far as being 'in on' appointments and such. I understand. If it was my hubby I wouldn't want his sister around....but I'm way!!! I made her promise to call me first(or second) when they finally get the news about staging and whether the cancer has spread. And I know that when he has chemo and radiation every day for 4-6 weeks I will be called upon to go with him since she can't take every day off of work. And when he finally has surgery I might get to spell her and their teenagers in taking care of him.
He is a quiet guy and I'm sure he's sick of explaining to people...especially when it's colon cancer and not a sarcoma in his leg or arm...just not something you want to talk about. And I'm also sure that he doesn't want the pity party from acquaintances. I completely understand. The other day he told me he loved me!!! This is very big...just not done in our family. The last time my mom told me she loved me was when I was 8 or 9. Even if I would hug her and tell her that I loved her she would not respond. Since my parents have both died my brother and I hug all the time and are changing the family rules. I am an emotional girl...I cry at the drop of a this is good for me. My hubby was amazed at how well I've been able to keep it together around my brother. I haven't cried once in front of him. Of course, I lose it the minute I'm home but....

Thanks so much for all of your support and thanks for listening to me ramble. It means a lot to me. I'm sorry that I haven't answered everyone's threads. I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. If nothing else helping and supporting others will take my focus away from my brother when there's really nothing I can do right now. (I was thinking about making or buying a bunch of cards and sending him one every other day for the rest of his treatment. I think this would cheer both of us up) Anyway, thanks, thanks, thanks.~Mush
undiagnosed lung and back pain after pneumonia in '03, tmj, migraines,(two failed surgeries for) Kienbock's disease

Last edited by trowftd3; 08-15-2008 at 10:24 AM. Reason: spelling

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Old 08-15-2008, 12:23 PM   #2
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Re: I'm still around....

Im totally wherre you are...I feel the same way. Not having the internet to post at my moms has been a huge reason, even though I have my Blackberry, but its really expensive.
I just have to post when I get a second, and know that when I get home to my puter or a hotel, then I can catch up and I hope everyone understands. Im sure everyone does. This group of people is amazing, so you dont have to worry about hurting anyones' feelings. But I worry and feel bad as well.
Hang in there, girl!

Old 08-15-2008, 11:45 PM   #3
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Re: I'm still around....

No you do not have to explain. What we want you to do is take care of yourself first. As cpers we need to often remind ourselves that while we are going thru rough difficult times and offer to help others out in a time of need, that this is a time for us to take an extra nap, eat a better diet, et. Tey to rest a little more and take care of ourselves or we will end up crashing.

Prayers are being lifted up for both of you and your families.

Last edited by ms_west; 08-15-2008 at 11:47 PM.

Old 08-16-2008, 03:55 AM   #4
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Re: I'm still around....

Mush, Oh I am so touched by your post. I hope all goes well. Its amazing how much hugs & "I love yous" mean to us. My husbund & I are big on telling each other & our kids that daily & he tells his sisters how much he loves them everytime he speaks to them, which is so sweet. It really does mean so much.
I am sure its hard for you to go through this & want you to know I will be thinking of you. I did the same with my father, held it together every minute I was with him, then when leaving would just loose it. you will be in my prayers. Sammy

Old 08-16-2008, 10:20 AM   #5
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Re: I'm still around....

Thanks so much guys. I love you all!

Sammy, I make a point of telling my kids at least three times a day that I love them. I have explained to them about my mom and how she never said it to me so I want to make sure they hear it from me. Hubby and I can't end a conversation without saying 'I love careful'. Hubby says this even if I'm walking to the bathroom!LOL

Izz, You hang in there and take it easy also!!

If I've missed any important news please know that I'm praying and thinking about you all.~Mush

LOL you notice now that I'm adding the "L" word to every post???
undiagnosed lung and back pain after pneumonia in '03, tmj, migraines,(two failed surgeries for) Kienbock's disease

Last edited by trowftd3; 08-16-2008 at 12:33 PM. Reason: to add something

Old 08-16-2008, 09:52 PM   #6
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Re: I'm still around....

My dearest Mush,

I just wanted you to know that I think about you, and pray for you and your family every day. You and your brother share the most beautiful gift that God has given to us........ Love. Because your brother knows how much you love him, he gets that gift from you every day, whether you are 10 inches from him or 10 miles.

The two of you have broken a sad family cycle and that is an amazing accomplishment. I understand why you take such comfort in that. My dad said I love you to me for the first time when I was 33 years old. And it wasn't because he didn't feel it before that. He was from another generation and grew up in a very non-demonstrative home. I think because I always knew that about him, it meant even more to me than if he'd told me every day of my life before that.

Please take care of yourself. I know how easy it is to forget about yourself, when you are so focused on someone else. If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask. I'll be here, along with everyone else. Many, many hugs and God Bless, CMP/MM

Old 08-17-2008, 12:31 PM   #7
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Re: I'm still around....

Dear Mush...
your post brought tears to my eyes... I can imagine how had this situation on you...
Honey, I strongly believe in a power of words and power of love. I believe that we have to make sure we tell enough to our loved once how much we love them. In my family we are very big on it. My kids are 31 and 24, we start our day from giving love and finishing our day with it too... My husband is the same and like little kid loves when kids and I telling him how much we love him...
I think this is so important... You mentioned cards; just do it! When we are well, we get Holiday cards and forget about them soon after. But when we are sick, attention of family and friends are very special and means the world to us. For him to get a card from you every day would be such a special treat, I promisse you, honey! It will make him very-very happy.

I never hesitate to take extra step to make someone happy; doesn't matter what this is, but just to see a happy face of someone I love- makes my day. So why not to send flowers to your friend to say "thinking of you" or "I love you"? This is what life is about - to give yourself to people who we love...

I wish you all the best, sweet heart. Come here and talk when you feel like...
Love and blessings

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