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Old 08-23-2008, 03:32 PM   #1
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Pain changes so quickly

I have been doing so well, then my Dad comes for a visit and my pain sky rockets. I know he does this to me, but I fall into the same trap each time he comes. This time it was about the dentist. I received a letter from the public dentist for me to have a check up. The waiting list is about 4 years, so I was about to talk about an xray I had and dad started to tell his story about his dentist appointments and as usual he took over the conversation and I couldn't get a word in edgeways. I can't help myself and I tried to explain that I wanted to say something without being cut off, and I got shot down again by my older sister. She thinks dad is so wonderful. (I might as well just not bother) So I get really aggravated and my pain starts to go up. So last night by dinner time I just wasn't hungry and I had to take some valium and some panadol and go to bed early.
This morning I am still in pain and I know I am going to have to keep quiet and leave the subject alone. He has always been like this and it has always upset me. And they wonder why I am not very communicative at family get together's. I end up in pain every time and I take it personally. When I was younger I spent a lot of time away from family for that very reason. And now I am so dependant on them I have to learn how not to let it get to me.
I really love my family and I try to do so much for them that I sometimes I understand why people up and disappear. But I feel I need their help as I couldn't get by without and I really need some love from them.
Allan
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25-Nov-2010: ALIF fusion L5-S1. 9 years of Chronic lower back pain. Nearly 18 months of pain across my upper pelvis, through my butt and down my left leg into my foot. Sciatica relieved by surgery.

 
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Old 08-23-2008, 06:00 PM   #2
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Re: Pain changes so quickly

Hi Allan, I know exactly how you feel, my family is the same way. My mother and brother are the worst but I think they're finally getting the picture after all these yrs. My arm is permenately locked where my left hand touches my left shoulder and I don't have much use of my other arm. My mother was always wanted me to do things for her and she is always in worser shape than me. That's the way she's always been and I got where I just stay at home and call her and talk to her. My husband got tired of her always wanting me to help her and then I would end up in alot of pain. So he finally told her that if there was something she needed done to call him and he would do it for her. So now she's finally learnt that I can do the things I use to could do for her and that I live in alot of pain everyday. As far as everyone else is concern, I just don't say anything about how bad I hurt. My husband and daughters understand what I go through everyday and they know when I having a bad day. So sometimes it just best to ignore people like that because your family is usually the ones that seem to think there's never nothing seriously wrong with you. For along time my family seem to think I was just to lazy to work that it was all in my head.
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Old 08-23-2008, 07:26 PM   #3
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Re: Pain changes so quickly

Sorry to hear about this Allan. Thanks for checking in...I've been wondering how you've been doing. Hang in there.....

Ex

 
Old 08-24-2008, 04:04 AM   #4
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Re: Pain changes so quickly

So sorry this is happening to you. I can certainly relate. I am constantly fussed at for not attending family gatherings. I have both sets of my grandparents and really need to do better. I love seeing the other family members but get the 3rd degree with questions. One of my parents always gets me upset at family gatherings. They dont like something I say or do and I end up upset and hurting too. My mom loves the stand in the kitchen and gossip at clean up time. Have caught her talking about me when she doesnt know I am listening. So I stay away and show up every now and then. I need to visit during the week with grandparents. I love all my aunts, uncles and the kids but the chaos is alot for me to handle. You arent alone and I hope your pain lets up! Hugs,
Shannon

 
Old 08-24-2008, 06:07 AM   #5
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Re: Pain changes so quickly

allan,
I am sorry to hear about your family troubles and the added pain that stems from the extra stress.

You did say the are visiting right? Well I hope it wont be to much longer and they will be on they way and you can get back to the way things were.

Hang in there bud!
(((((((((Allan))))))))))

Chrissy

 
Old 08-24-2008, 07:39 AM   #6
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Re: Pain changes so quickly

Allan, I can also relate to what you're saying. With me, it's more my husband's family that I've had issues with, but either way, it's still family and still awkward. I have learned that they will never change. They are too self-absorbed to ever understand and so now, I just grin and bear it when I absolutely have to and I only go to family functions if I'm feeling up to it.

I know they talk about why I'm not there and make all kinds of assumptions about how my meds make me anti-social. (which is definitely not the case, THEY make me anti-social!) They'll talk about me whether I'm there or not, so why put myself through that, if I don't have to. I think what bothers me the most is when one of them will ask me how I'm "feeling", and then before I get three words out of my mouth, they're already on to another conversation, usually with someone else. Now, I just say, "Not bad, how are you?" That's what they really want to talk about anyway....... themselves.

I know you feel torn, but just try to remember that it's really not a personal affront. It's just self-absorbed people who choose not to "hear" anyone else.

Hang in there. If you can get through small doses of them, just tolerate what you can and go rest when you need to. At least you know that the folks here on the boards understand and you can vent here anytime. Peace, CMP/MM

 
Old 08-24-2008, 08:10 AM   #7
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Re: Pain changes so quickly

Allan,
I am sorry you are feeling this way, but to me so important that you said you love your family so very much and I am sure they love you very much too.
Unfortunatelly most of us have something to say about at least one family member who he would like change their attitude and be more sensetive to our needs or at least listen what we have to say.

But years go by and I learn just to let things go, I don't let it anymore bothering me. People usualy mean well, but everyone is very different and they are who they are. We don't change. And if you don't learn how not to pay attention - than you always will end up with being aggravating and with more pain. Maybe you can go and talk to someone professional and they may help you with this issue? Sometimes it works well for people.

Best of luck to you, sweet heart, and feel better!

 
Old 08-24-2008, 03:40 PM   #8
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Re: Pain changes so quickly

Well what do they say you can choose your friends but not your family !!!.

Yes can relate to it. Everytime I ask a question or say something my M-I-L turns to whowever is next to her, or starts up a conversation........ I normally kind of continue with "whoever is listen now ................and continue with whatever has been said............. It used to really annoy me before but now when she asks me something and doesnt wait for the end of it and believe me I keep it brief......... "I say humpty dumpty was pushed " and then conversation goes on.......

cmpgirl, you been called un-socialable my GOD, you and me both kiddo !!.
Must be the only unsocialable Irish !.

Okay its like this Allan, who is suffering most here out of all this?, who is in pain? and who has most to loose out of this ? Next time make a big effort not to say much or dont say a word........ relax and just keeping taking slow breathes, breathing in and out..........as if you were in a breathing class, and let it all go over your head. You are the one coming out of it fit to be tied. Its your pain level that is soaring, and frothing from the mouth...... Has anyone else in your family noticed it? I am sorry for not been very helpfull here, but I totally relate to what you are saying............ oh boy I can....
I am trying my hardest not to start myself off on the 101 examples..... so for me its breath in and out and let it go over my head, or I will be totally wound up and not be able to sleep......... so good nite.... its nearly midnight.
Round1

 
Old 08-24-2008, 04:26 PM   #9
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Re: Pain changes so quickly

Or you can do what I do, I stick my ipod in on one ear and listen to nature sounds and tune everyone out!!

 
Old 08-25-2008, 05:44 AM   #10
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Re: Pain changes so quickly

Yes, when I have the ipod in one ear I can choice what I want to hear and they soon get the hint that their story is not that important to me. It is nice to hear some of the things that I can relate too and maybe have some empathy for, but after a while or when I get a chance to speak, I would like to be heard myself.

I think I get a bit sensitive about some of the things I grew up with and want them to try and understand why it has hurt me and why I have reacted the way I have. But some people just don't change and really don't want too. I will have to develop a thick skin, or as you said use the ear plugs.

Thanks for understanding me when I feel hurt. Normally I don't have anyone to winge to when I feel hurt and upset over how I have been treated. I am sure I am not alone when it comes too trying to be heard and understood.

Allan
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25-Nov-2010: ALIF fusion L5-S1. 9 years of Chronic lower back pain. Nearly 18 months of pain across my upper pelvis, through my butt and down my left leg into my foot. Sciatica relieved by surgery.

 
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