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Old 09-04-2008, 12:56 AM   #1
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I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

I feel a little guilty and selfish for asking for this right now. There seems to be so much happening to so many at this time. But, between my S-I-L's issues and some other really difficult and emotional things going on with my own brother, (there's a thread on the Addiction board) I am spent and exhausted right now. My own pain levels are through the roof right now, and we are leaving for vacation on Sunday. I am starting to feel anxious about the trip, when I should be really excited about it. It's been a long time coming. And soooooo needed. But I am so worried about my family, that I can't focus on what I need to do to prepare.

I know my psych would be telling me that I need to stop getting so wrapped up in other people's problems, but it is really hard for me to just sit back and do nothing. Especially this new development with my brother. I want to know that everyone is going to be alright when I'm gone, but I know that isn't in my control. Heck, it isn't in my control when I'm here! I never thought of myself as a person with control "issues" before, but I guess I really am "that" person.

I am not myself right now. I am whiny and weepy and cranky and having a big old pity party. I do apologize for that. I know so many of you have a lot on your own plates right now, but any prayers or positive thoughts in my direction would be so very appreciated right now. I don't remember when I've been this tired before. I don't want to say anything to hubby about this right now, because he is really excited about this trip, and he needs it so much right now. I know I do too.

Thank you for letting me vent and have my pity party. I love you all so very much. May God bless you all. CMP/MM

 
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Old 09-04-2008, 03:53 AM   #2
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

CMP, You need to take a step back, take some deep breathes & try to relax. I am not surprised. Stress comes with caring at times. When we get stressed we tense up, even though we dont realize it. I am going to guess that for those muscles of yours that is one of the worst things you can do.
You have done all you can do for the time being & in order to be able to help anyone you have to relax & be the best you can be first. Think of this vacation as time to rejuvinate. I learned the hard way not to let my own life become tangled & a mess when trying to help someone elses, because by the time you have to attend to your own you usually have no energy left to do so.

I see you have take on some of my moods, cranky, whinny, & weepy was trying to make an appearance yesturday. Everyday life can be overwhelming for us, then throw a few extras in & before you know it everything especially the pain is out of control. you have had alot to deal with in the last several months. you need to take some down time, time for you.
When I go through something like you are, which I am at the time, I try to put it in gods hands. His hands can hold alot more then ours & he knows exactly how to handle things. So give it a try.

You are past do for a pity party so dont worry about that. Try to focus on your vacation, tell yourself "I need this in order to be able to be there not only for myself but for those I love". You are a giving & exceptionally caring person but you come first. Take care my friend & take time for you. Sammy

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:10 AM   #3
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

Honey you need to take a deep breath and realize that going on vacation is a blast but there is alot of work that goes into it: packing, making sure everyone else is packed, making arrangements for your mail and newspapers, and pets too. It is exhausting....try to pace yourself and take some extra time just for you.

Hope you have a safe and blessed vacation. Try and let go of everything else and do this for you and your family.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:46 AM   #4
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

CMP,

Please don't be so hard on yourself (feeling guilty, ashamed, selfish for wanting to go on vacation). You and your hubby really need some time away from everything and try to have some fun and heal. I, too, have considered many times in the past of not going on our annual vacation every June with my husband's whole family. Most of the time, I just didn't really feel up to it due to the pain, the traveling, the packing, and worrying about "our 3 children".....our cats. Since we don't have kids, the cats really are like our children. And no, I'm not some "crazy cat lady"!

Anyway, all of my docs would say to me "Shay, you MUST GO on vacation. You and your hubby need to get away from the "everyday chaos" that comes with being a chronic pain patient." CMP, they are soooooo right!!! It really does the body and soul alot of good to go somewhere and relax (our vacation always consists of going to the beach at Gulf Shores/Fort Morgan, AL. We always get a 2 story beach house right smack on the beach. Just step outside, walk a few yards, then you are at the shore. )

Is there anybody else you trust to come check in on your cats? Believe me, I know how distressing it can be when you start worrying about every detail. For me, it's always the cats and whether or not the house is properly locked up, which it always is, of course. Our friends are very reliable that come by to check in on the cats/house. We do the same for them while they are away...they have 2 cats.

Plus, I always fill out a "vacation security check form" at the local police station. They come by and make sure everything is locked and nothing looks suspicious. Just contact your local PD. I'm sure they have something like that. It really does help me. Plus, they will call you if ANYTHING is out of the ordinary.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble. I truly believe you and hubby will benefit to go on vacation. You two desperately need this time together and away from all the drama. Please don't take my last comment as offensive. I just mean you need some time away from the everyday things and all the issues going on right now in your family. You need to focus on YOURSELF for a while, ok honey?? I need to go for now, so I'll talk to ya later.

Shay

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:52 AM   #5
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

Cmpgirl,

Everyone is right. You NEED your vacation, time off away from home is important. I just finished making reservations for ours. Lord willing and no family gets sick we will go this time. So far as the "fur babies" go, there are professional pet sitters out there. Your Vet should be able to give you some names, the best one I ever had was one of the Vet techs who did that on the side. We even leave our "girls" home by themselves if it's only 1 or 2 nights, otherwise they get to go to "cat jail". We live too far out for the regular pet sitters.

Tigg.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 12:13 PM   #6
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

Dear Cmpgirl,
don't worry about venting; everyone is intitle to have a pity party once in a while, so this is OK with us.

Unfortunatelly things not always work the way we want them to, but this is life, nothing we can do about it.
You need a nice vacation; just go and have a great time. I bet you will be back much more relaxed and happier...

Best wishes to you, sweet heart, we are here for you, remember that.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 02:03 PM   #7
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

I've been expecting this for some time now.

You have been a real trooper in your care and concern for your SIL and brother. From my perspective it seems you have thrown yourself fully into doing whatever you can to provide them with the help and compassion they need.

But if you hope to continue in that role then you have to do whatever it takes to keep yourself ready and able to help them. And this requires you being at your best. None of us has an inexhaustible supply of energy and emotions. We each have our own tank, and if we don't fill it when needed then we run out. As you are experiencing. You need to recharge and refill MM. That's what vacations are for. And in order to fully re-charge, you need to actually benefit from this vacation - not just go. You need to enjoy it, find pleasure, find fulfillment, find rest.

So now you need to take off the caretaker hat and put on the fishin' hat. Or whatever hat is appropriate. Give your SIL and brother over to God - He is infinitely better equipped to provide for them, and He loves them even more than you do. They'll be in good Hands, right?

So sit down with your husband and plan things out for maximum fun. He'll love it and you will too.

steve

 
Old 09-04-2008, 08:32 PM   #8
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

You are in my thoughts and prayers - it is difficult to be as caring and compassionate as you and it is one of the reasons you are so loved
huggs Ave

 
Old 09-05-2008, 12:42 AM   #9
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

Hey All,

I am eternally grateful for all or the love and support. I don't know what I would ever do without all of you.

It's looking like we might not be going. There has been some new and very, very disturbing stuff happening with my brother and I am at a total loss about what to do. I even blew up at hubby tonight and felt horrible about it. I apologized and he said no apology was necessary, because he knows what I'm going through right now, but I feel awful for it. I can't stop crying and I've had 2 panic attacks today. I called my psych today and he's out of town. He has another psych covering for him, and I left a message on this guy's machine. I haven't heard back yet.

I'll try to log on tomorrow and let you all know what's up. Thanks again for the kind words and prayers. They are more needed than you could know. Much love, MM

 
Old 09-05-2008, 03:59 AM   #10
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

Oh honey, I feel so bad for you. I am sorry but you are going to have to take a step back & evaluate this. I dont know alot of whats going on with your brother but I do know you have been through alot this past summer.
You need to ask yourself what can I do for him & for your SIL? I believe you have probably exhausted yourself already & done what you could do. Know you have to think about you. you are such a giver & have to be careful its not going to be at your expense to much. No matter what we can only control what we do & not what anyone else does.
Please try to take a step back & put at least some of this in gods hands.
You have alot going on & my goodness anyone would be having a abit of a tough time in your shoes. I am worried about you my friend. Please take care. I am sending you strength & alot of love, god bless, Sammy

ps.I am glad you called your phsyc.

 
Old 09-05-2008, 05:52 AM   #11
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

Hey Cmp,

I will make suer to stop onto the addiction forum later to check things out. I did read that correctly ... there is a forum you poster there?/ Please forgive my typing, I am still trying to get used to weating this collar/

Believe me wharn I say that I do not mind at all the venting! Lord knows I have done my fair share.

The venting it out for us Cp'ers is part of the process we must go through to get to the other side of something! Everything is a darn proccess! So I think that getting it out in the open here is a good start in the right direction!

Well, I am feeling a bit tired so I better put this computer down and rest some.
I am here for you and will be sending out the good thoughts and prayers for you....
Chrissy

 
Old 09-05-2008, 09:16 AM   #12
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

Thanks Everyone,

Yep, Chrissy it's on the A&R board. I just posted another update over there, so I won't go into it here. I am so glad that your surgery went well. I haven't had a chance to post to your thread yet, so I wanted to mention it here. You are so sweet to come on and lend your always heartfelt support to everyone. I know you must be very tired still, and trying to adjust to the post-op pain and the collar. God bless you sweetie. I'm praying for you.

Sammy my friend, You and I are kind of 2 peas in a pod, I think. Neither of us usually knows when to "Let Go, Let God", when it comes to being the caregiver. At least we don't have an easy time of it and we usually end up in a bad way because of it. I thought I had gotten much better about it in recent years, but I guess I've proved myself wrong. It's just so hard sometimes, especially when it's so close. My S-I-L seems to be holding her own, miraculously. She is afraid there's going to be a delayed reaction and hit her out of the blue one of these days. I have the same fears. But, it could very well be the power of everyone's prayers.

My brother and I are really all that's left of the immediate family now, and I almost feel responsible for him. I know that's not a healthy way for me to feel. I am trying to focus on that right now. Heck, I'm even the younger one. I so appreciate your kind words and prayers. I am going to try and get through the next 2 days and just get the heck out of Dodge. I am still a bit worried that I won't be able to keep all of this ugliness out of my head while we're away, but we are going to Maine and it is my favorite place to go, so that should help. I always feel more at peace there. Hubby and I have been going there for over 25 years. And we have an oceanfront place, so it should be easier to just let my head get lost in the waves and mist.

I talked with my psych's covering doc for about 45 minutes this a.m. and I feel a bit better. I already have a brand new refill on my Xanax, so that helps too. If I take it at night, it should help me get the rest I need. He is a really sharp guy and very compassionate. I can see why my doc trusts him with his patients.

Thanks again to all who have sent out warm and kind thoughts and prayers. I am so very grateful to have all of you. I will be bringing the laptop with me, so I'll check in when/if I can. I dread the conversation I have to have with my brother today, but it has to be done. So, please wish me luck. I'll try to pop on later and fill you in. (Here or most likely on the A&R board.) Much Love and Many Hugs and Blessings, CMP/MM

 
Old 09-05-2008, 10:16 AM   #13
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

CMP, dear, Tigg and I have posted to your other thread. Please go over there and read it ASAP!!! I'm just so shocked by everything! I'll be praying for you and your family.

Shay

 
Old 09-05-2008, 11:24 AM   #14
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

CMPgirl,
I'm fairly new to this board but after reading some of your story I just want you to know that you are in my prayers. We try to care for everyone in our life and that's not ALL bad, but please take care of you also.

Deb

 
Old 09-05-2008, 04:03 PM   #15
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Re: I'm So Spent and Exhausted Right Now... Please Help!

MM,

I think your SIL may just be OK.

No thanks to her PM doc.

But everything I'm reading in your posts tells me she may well not experience what she's fearing.

Please keep posting until you leave on vacation.

steve

 
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