Hello to all of my HB CP friends.
I've missed chatting with you all. I have just been unable to post to the boards for most of the summer due to personal stress and pain in my life. For more detail on that you can refer to a post I made to cmp/MM's thread over at the A&R board. I won't go into it here.
But due to all that I have been through since May, my pain went off the charts this Summer. Being the hard head that I am, I refused to increase my meds. This viscious cycle of pain, along with my emotional and personal upheaval lead to a horrible cycle of depression. After many hours of therapy with a GREAT counselor/therapist, I think I'm back on the road to a healthier state of mind, which in turn allows me some sleep at night, which then in turn has helped to get some of the pain under control.
I finally "caved", and allowed the Pdoc to up my Paxil, and add Ativan due to the Anxiety attacks I was having. This has helped with the sleep situation. At my last PM appointment, I also went back to 30mg of Avinza from the 20mg of Kadian I was taking once per day. I am also allowed two 10/325 percocets per day as BT med. At this point, I'm still having to use both BT's each day, so I may have to see about going up yet again.
I'm back in school, and surprisingly, this has helped to re-center me and re-focus my thoughts and efforts, and not dwell on all the "garbage" in my life that I just don't have any control over. My pain has gone from 7/8/9 down to 5 and 6's (mostly 6's) and that is welcome.
I've never really "LEFT" HB, I just was in such a bad place, that I could only read. I just didn't feel "worthy" enough to respond, nor did I feel that I had anything to offer anyone.
I've read everyday, and throughout, I have continued to pray for everyone. I've felt tremendous guilt for not responding to anyone during this time, but I just didn't have it in me. I hope everyone understands. I HAVE
missed you all tons, and think of you all daily.
So, in summary, I'm here, I've been here, I'm not going anywhere, and just know that I continue to pray for all of you. Please if you don't mind, and if you are a prayerfull person, do the same for me.
Big HB hugs, ~!~ Becky ~!~