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Old 12-08-2008, 06:11 AM   #1
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If ever I needed support its now

Helly everyone, I have so much going on not sure at times how to handle things. I have my surgery coming up Dec, 26. My sister who was diagnosed with cancer now has been told it could be a matter of weeks. She is in florida & I am here. I have been on the phone so much its unreal.
I broke of a tooth that now is adding to the pain & need it pulled or a root canal at the tune of approx $1.800 for crown & all. I have TMJ so bad that it cracked all the way down & this will be the third tooth I have cracked in 2 yrs. I grind & clench more trying to deal with CP.

I have cried rivers these last couple weeks & am exhausted trying to keep up at work & emotionally keep it together.

I was planning to go see my sister after my recovery period thats not going to happen, now I have this tooth & only I am working, husband still laid off & my sister who dont have long. I cant help but think back on all the doctors that blew my pain off, like I was some middle age bored women with nothing to do but complain. This should have been found long ago & it has cost me more then all the thousands I have spent. Time with my sister in law that passed last march, now time with my sister. I cant ever get that back & I am finding it really hard to deal with. I am so bad that a couple morinngs my husband had to help me out of bed. I am afraid of going to see her & being an extra burden.

Then the cost of the tooth & all. I dont know what to do. I have been so upset & yesturday refused to think about any of it. I just start to shake, I feel totally overwhelmed. If ever I needed support its now. I just dont know what to do.

This is like a bad dream or something. I know I cant change the past but I would love to have all those doctors in front of me & tell them all how I feel.

All that this has cost me. Not to mention I dont know if there will be nerve damage from letting it go for so long.

I am so angry & confused. I have to decide today about the tooth. I dont want to put it off any longer. Now is the kicker, my neck has been acting up so much cant tell if its all from tooth or part my neck. I swear its even hurting my nose on the left side, does that sound like something a tooth would do? What a mess.

I am sorry everyone but I just have not been able to even talk to anyone in my life about it all. I cant imagine anyone understanding what this is all like.

On top of all of this work is a mess & I have one thing after another happening there. Any advice? I am tired of being strong. I need to get some faith restored here. Please pray for me & please pray for my family. god bless & thank you all for letting me just vent. Sammy

 
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Old 12-08-2008, 04:33 PM   #2
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Re: If ever I needed support its now

Sammy~
You can only do so much. You are always so kind and supportive of me, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. Ive been so wrapped up in my own stuff that Ive not been posting much unless its something Im struggling with, and I apologize.
There is always a way for things to work out. You need to get your tooth fixed.

Try to stay positive, ANY little thing. I think haveing a spouse being out of work has to be terribly difficult and scary. Right now with the holidays and all is just worse. I pray that he will find a job soon. Sammy, You can get thru this, I know you can. You came here after I did and you have become one of the most supportive, kind, caring members on this board. People like you are rewarded for your love and compassion. It may not seem like it now, but it will happen. He wont let you down, Sammy~
xoxoxoxo,
IZZY'SMOM

 
Old 12-08-2008, 07:47 PM   #3
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Re: If ever I needed support its now

Sammy, I don't really know you well, but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts. I hope that your surgery goes well. I have the best wishes for your family during this time of need. I wish there was something I could do from here to help ease your suffering. best-

 
Old 12-08-2008, 08:26 PM   #4
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Re: If ever I needed support its now

Sammy,
life is very tough sometimes and so hard to make any decision in situation like this. Usually I love to follow my guts - and usually this is the right way to do.
I know you in a very sad situation, seems like life is not fair to you, right?

My father died 2 days ago, today was the funeral... in Europe. I am feeling so sad, this is such tragedy for me b/s I can't go and give him a hug and last good bye due to my condition as you know...Feels so awful, so lonely, so guilty...
We are the once who have to make decisions, we have to leave with it afterwards.

So try your best, sweet heart, and see what you want to do in order to keep piece in your mind and follow it.
I am right behind you supporting you with my 10 fingers...
Best of luck to you and your family,
with Love, Moldova

Last edited by Administrator; 12-09-2008 at 10:02 AM.

 
Old 12-09-2008, 01:40 AM   #5
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Re: If ever I needed support its now

I am so sorry for you, I know how it feels when all you can do is cry as that is how I have been today also. I have been in so much pain but I still want to be here for others as well. Life can be so trying and it seems that someone is doing this to you just to get back at you for some past mistake. I really hope things work out ok for you and your husband. You have also been here for me when I am hurting. I will pray for you if you could return the favour. Allan
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:57 AM   #6
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Re: If ever I needed support its now

Sammy,

I'm so sorry you are having so many problems at once. I'll be praying for you.

Tigg.

ps. It sure could be the tooth sending pain to the sinus.

 
Old 12-09-2008, 09:35 AM   #7
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Re: If ever I needed support its now

God bless you all.
Moldova, I am so very sorry, truely I am. This is tough. Lets face it we cant beat ourselves up over something we are not capable of doing. I honestly believe that our loved ones know how we feel. Its us, you & me & others that are in our shoes that feel helpless & punish ourselves at times for not being capable. I know that there are so many worse off then myself but in times of weakness I just get fed up & angry at it all, at myself & at the doctors. Then I hear a story like yours & realize how many our in my shoes.
I am not used to this, never will be. I always try my best to be there for my loved one & it hurts so very much to know that I cant.

I was at the hospital visiting a friend & was helping her roommate. My husband made a comment after leaving that honestly it is just who I am, I feel the need to help or care for others & want to be there for my loved ones.
He said he watched me just helping a stranger & realized that is just who I am. Perhaps that is why I struggle so much with not being able to be there for my sister. I want to help her.
I am focusing hard on taking it one day at a time here or I cant seem to handle things. I am so very tired of pain. For the first time last evening I could not lift my arms, it is usually only that bad in the mornings. It really scared me & made me realize I am not capable right now. I was worried about driving home from work & its only 2 miles.
I had to stop myself from panicing, but perhaps god is sending me a message & I need to listen. I have never felt so overwhelmed. I thank you all from the bottem of my heart & god be with you all.
Moldova I will keep you in my prayers & I so understand, thank you for sharing what I know is very personal, it means alot to me. Sammy

 
Old 12-09-2008, 09:52 AM   #8
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Re: If ever I needed support its now

Sammy,
I'm so sorry about your sister. I hope you can work something out. Whatever contact you get to make with her...whether you get to go see her or just talk on the phone...make it the best. Enjoy and savor every moment. This is the only good thing about cancer. It makes us appreciate what we have.
Why do we all have sick relatives lately? Take care and do what you have to do!

Moldova,
Sorry to hear about your dad. I still miss mine and he died 18 years ago.
I just knew you were from Europe. what country if I may ask?
Please take the time to remember the good memories you had with your dad and know that he felt that long distance hug that you couldn't give him.

Both of you...don't let the stress get you down. One day at a time.~Mush
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