Hi, I have just yesterday been told that my Cancer (Ididn't even know I had ) Has spread all through my body. Although it hasn;t fully registered on me yet, I am feeling very lost. All my searches to find out about pain control, end up in some sellable article. I was told in my Doctors office I was going to die. But cannot seem to get sensible follow up, who to talk to when i will
succumb to terrible pain which started, with me up all night, wondering how long I have.I am not brave and am terrified of pain, need someone who is going through it to tell me the truth, please. zeeka18
Dear Zeeka... no words to describe how sorry I am to hear all what you said here.
I wish I could give you a big gentle hug and listen to you and your worries....
Sweetie, Doctors not God, they make mistakes. I know couple of people who were told 20 years ago they have couple of month to leave, they are still here...
Please don't give up! Do you have a family? Kids? Do you have friends you can talk about everything and who will support you all the way?
You need a good support around you. If you don't have family and friends, can you call your local Hospital and find a nice support group? Many people I know who leave with CP go after work to attend support groups and share their problems with others who go through same thing.
My heart goes out to you! May I ask you if you don't mind - what happened to you? Why would they Dx you with cancer, did you have any symptoms? What showed your cancer? Did you have mammogram and Pet Scan?
You can vent and talk to us; people here suffer themselves and they will be able to understand your pain and give you warm support.
Of all the people on here who make regular comments on other peoples threads, I can't believe what I am seeing here. This original poster came in here, new, and just been told she is going to die and NO ONE ANSWERED her for a FULL MONTH. Obviously she isn't coming back, as she only made one post........I don't come on here every day,but a lot of people do and I am just flabbergasted how only ONE person answered and that one was a month later.....
Zeeka, please come back and at least we can tell you where to go for answers.
Star,
I agree with you 100%, I don't come to any boards anymore due to my conditions when I can't use my hands and arms. I believe I posted first time after like 4 month taking off.
I absolutely was shocked how heartless this was towards this poor girl; she was looking for a shoulder to cry and nobody even answered her with some compassion. I know how many good people in this board but for some reason they just ignored such post...
I posted myself 2 days ago on Lung Cancer board asking question due to new findings on my lung and I can see that 20 people read it and not person found one word for me to share or to try giving me some support...
I just can imagine what this poor person felt. Too bad I was not coming here...
I think it's better writing now than never. I will have to confess I might have read what you wrote but I didn't know what to say. I'm not sure about the treatment of breast cancer and most of all I'm not sure yet about the pain clinic. I've been to the pain clinic only twice back then and they didn't even give me a "treatment plan" yet. and the new pain doc there is now on vacation.
So only recently(3 weeks ago) my primary care doctor gave me percocet and he said after so many arguments with him that he will give me even oxycontin to make me "shut up" and not complaining about my horrible debilitating chronic pain.
Zeeka18, I SWEAR that it's true. I just didn't know what to tell you about the pain treatment they have for people. I had severe arguments trying to convince my doctor that it's not a puppet show what I'm going through. They were thinking I was jokking with them about the chronic pain I have.
I should be more compassionate next time.
I hope you get better and can beat this horrible disease. Please post here again.
I have not been on to much lately as I am just trying to keep up with life, I am on & off the boards quickly but this here but this breaks my heart, it truely does. I lost my sister & sister in law both in the last 2 yrs to cancer & I would never intentionally ingore anyone in such need. If you see this god bless you sweetie & god bless those who took the time to respond. As cancer is a scary word & people are often left speechless. I pray you got relief & pray you had someone to hold your hand through this. god bless & be with you, Sammy
Dear Zeeka... no words to describe how sorry I am to hear all what you said here.
I wish I could give you a big gentle hug and listen to you and your worries....
Sweetie, Doctors not God, they make mistakes. I know couple of people who were told 20 years ago they have couple of month to leave, they are still here...
Please don't give up! Do you have a family? Kids? Do you have friends you can talk about everything and who will support you all the way?
You need a good support around you. If you don't have family and friends, can you call your local Hospital and find a nice support group? Many people I know who leave with CP go after work to attend support groups and share their problems with others who go through same thing.
My heart goes out to you! May I ask you if you don't mind - what happened to you? Why would they Dx you with cancer, did you have any symptoms? What showed your cancer? Did you have mammogram and Pet Scan?
You can vent and talk to us; people here suffer themselves and they will be able to understand your pain and give you warm support.
Dear Moldova and others, Who answered with such love and compassion, I am so sorry to make you feel guilty for not getting to me, unintentional I assure you, I sent my reply through email and it was refused, and it took until today to work out how to reply, I am so sorry, I am feeling fine at the moment, proberbly better than some of you poor souls.
I have been getting bone strengthening injections and I am on "arilimex" which I am responding to very nicely, says my Oncologist. I also take bi-carb and hydrogen peroxide and I have had no real pain since.I had more pain when i first went to my Doctor.
My spirits are high and I try to find things to make me contented, I am an Artist and I paint every day. I like to sew but find my Energy has gone a bit and I cannot lift anything like materials, or sit too long. I think of others pain and hope they find peace as this is so terrifying, Sometimes I cry myself to sleep but soon get over it, I am an Optimist! It has not fully sunk in as yet (Thank God) I do not want it to. Nobody really knows the outcome, We are all different.I am praying that a miracle will happen, then I will become a great cancer healer, to show the World It can be cured.(Always a dreamer ) Love and healing to you all Zeeka18. thanks again for your answers.
I'm sorry for not responding too - the reason being that I too didn't know what to say, it's so hard. I wanted to tell you how unfair and terrifying this must be but that isn't positive and probably not what you need to hear. Bone pain is awful - may I ask, did they discover the breast cancer and then discover that it had moved to your bones? I know the outcome isn't usually good with bone cancer but hey, miracles do happen and the fact that you're positive and have your heart set on beating this goes a long way towards healing. I had a liver tumour removed last year and it was the scariest time in my life - thankfully it was precancerous. They watched it grow for 4 months before operating for various reasons, the hardest part for me was my imagination (survival of primary liver cancer is about 5%).
Do you have people around to support you? This helps a great deal though in my experience I found that my tumour made people very uncomfortable and it was during this time that I learnt who my real friends were. That said, it's just as hard on those that care for us and sometimes they can say things that they don't mean out of fear.
Please keep your head up and your heart strong, keep posting too as there are so many kind people here - Pain sufferers tend to be more empathic because we're used to people not understanding or not understanding - that's why we have this board. We all understand each other.
Wishing you a good, healing week.
Juliet
I also wanted to add - please don't fear the pain. If you need pain relief then ask for it. Oncologists are usually pretty good like this and will help you in any way they can. I've suffered bone pain (infection) and it is difficult to treat but the relief that you can get is pretty good.
God Bless
I knew you guys were out here, and I recognize all your names. I am so glad you finally wrote, and yes, better late than never.
Zeeka I'm so glad you found your way back and am so glad you are doing good right now! I don't have answers for you either, but I can listen and be a shoulder to cry on and if there's anything I can do for you over the computer, just let me know. I am home every day and if I can do some research for you, etc.
You are ALL in my prayers and thanks again for being what I know we are capable of being, caring.........
Thank you stargazed, and may God be with you all, For all th doubts People have about God, At the desperate times that is all they call for! Is it not? The worst thing about Cancer is we know what is ahead, and cannot do much to prevent it. We can only try, pray, and have hope, and care about each other, As ordinary People do not understand, what goes through our minds,at these times, try as they might they do not grasp the inner fear, and the trust we have to have in treatments e.t.c I have been a very independant person all my life, and cannot bear the thought of being helpless,and at the mercy of others.It is a bigger torment than the Cancer.But we have to go on and hope. Love to you all Zeeka, May your pain be blocked by a spiritual force.
Oh Moldover,
It was your response that gave me hope, I was planning an exit, at the time I read your note, and it was so "real" I had had a bad time with "unreal people"and I was ready to give up.Then I searched and read your reply, believe me I cried that night. I was feeling very alone, as I am alone, I am a very private person, I have a wonderful daughter, who knocks herself out for me, but she is due to have her 5th child in three weeks, and has a very busy life. I do not wish to be a burden to her and dampen the joy of the new baby. All my friends are Interstate and overseas, as I do not mix a lot with people in my small town. They tend to be very private people who mix only with family,as I live in a dairy farming town and they are runoff their feet.I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for my computer?and people like you and the others on here,How sad we have to meet in such awful circumstances.But I bless you all for you true compassion, and send mine. God bless us all Zeekaxxxxxx
"Thankyou" (No chang)....., For caring about me when you have so much pain yourself. Time to tell your Doctor to "get lost" You do not have to put up with an unsympathetic "arsehole" like him. There are some lovely caring Doctors out there, I find my "Indian" Oncologist a wonderful compassionate man, I painted him a large "sea scene" so he could meditate on it, as they suffer stress too.Imagine seeing Cancer sufferers all day every day,how depressing.He was thrilled to bits! I find the Indian Doctors really seem to care,as they have seen so much sufferering, in their own country.It's your pain and you have a right to ask for help, not to be told to "shut..up" all the best love and blessings to you. love Zeeka........
Zeeka,
How I wish I could travel and hold you hand and care for you, but we all know that we each have our own lives so we show that we care in the best way we can, through this forum.
What can we do to help? Do you need infor on alternative treatments? Perhaps different types of pain control?
For now, we'll all do what we can, tap into the love, support and strength that we take from one another, and as we take we also give, and the circle continues.
You're in my prayers,
Peggy
Thank you so much Pegala,
I realized today, how many wonderful people are out there,
hundreds to every bad one! What a shame we have to get sick to realize that. If only we could love one another always through anything,what a wonderful world this would have been. I appreciate your care, but I feel like an imposter, as I have no pain. I don't want any either! I have been taking every day "BI-carb of soda with citric acid" and hydrogen peroxide .03% in water and I feel like I am a new Women. Hope to God I am, wouldn't it be a miracle? Well fingers crossed! I am on arimidex and bone strengthening injections, And it seems my bad cell count went down from 400 to 250 The Oncologist says that is very good.So bless you and everyone else, love Zeeka xxxxxx
Oh my Zeeka.....I have been so boxed in by my own life....and my families lives that I didn't read your post. I don't know how to convey to you the sadness I feel that this illness is robbing you of many things in life. I am happy to read that you have a loving daughter...knowing my own daughters, I know that she would rather have her mother there....even needing her help, rather than staying away because she is very busy with her life.... We have to share our time with our loved ones. I am so happy that you seem to have a wonderful doctor...that is soooooo important. Your thoughtfulness towards your doctor is amazing...what a wonderful person you are. Being afraid is natural....and nothing to be ashamed of......please find someone to share your fears and concerns with ....(we are always on the board...and will listen to you ) maybe your doctor can suggest a program...or a group...or your religious advisor may be able to help introduce you to others.... I send to you a pray and a hug...I will be thinking of you....
Thank you Sage 48,
I am so glad to meet all you people, it is like stepping into another world, I am terminal" but isn't all mankind? It is just our different time for our journey, to where we are meant to be. I just wish we didn't have to have sickness or suffering to send us on our way! I am doing very well, much better than anyone expected,The well wishers had me already dead,but i am determined to show them, we can survive this awful disease, with any weapon we can find to beat it, where there is hope, there is life.
Yes my Daughter is so good to me, she runs me to all my Oncologist appointments, which are two hours drive from here,so it is quite a day, as she has to leave the other children to get to school, and they rarely go, without someone to push them.When she has this baby in three weeks it will be harder, I can drive, but don't know my way around the city.It will work out lol love to you all keep in touchZeeka xxxxxx
Dear Zeeka, it is so nice that you have support....and that you are doing better than expected. Your outlook is amazing....very much like my cousins was....she told me that from the moment we are born...this is the way it will end...and that each of us will go through it in a different manner. Make it a challange to outwit this problem...enjoy every day.... I send another hug and prayer to you today.
I'm so glad you've got a good oncologist, what a kind thing to do to paint for him. I too think it must be one of the most stressful jobs you could do. It sounds good about your levels too - but it must be hard on you waiting for each result.
I hope you don't mind that I said God Bless at the end of my last message - it's just that, as you say, there are some things that only God can handle and it does help to sometimes offload your fears onto him/her/whatever you believe.
Can you get out and about much...as in walking? That might make you feel better too. I'm sure you get very tired though.
