I am feeling more than a bit distressed tonight, Where I live with my sister and her partner is really nice and I know they care about me. But I am feeling more and more alienated and less like part of the family. I had a bit of an argument with my sister and she told me she is sick of my back issues and didn't want to here me complain anymore she also thinks I am being negitive about life as I am going to have an operation on my back at the end of the year so I should be happy and positive that everything is going to be just fine and I will be able to go back to work.
So I have not said a word about my pain since. I am really upset that she is so shallow and can't deal with my presents here if I am moody. I just feel like I can't be myself any more she criticises me if I say anything about my past. It feels like she is trying to create a bubble around her that I don't fit into anymore.
She was good in the past but since we moved into the new house everything has changed. She is throwing orders around at her partner and I don't know how he copes. He is a bit of a softy and does everything she asks without a comeback. So it seems I am on my own.
I am feeling so belittled especially now her son and his wife are visiting from England tomorrow she is in a word of her own, everything must be perfect but I am not. I don't fit into her neatly arranged box. I feel so hurt that I have to hold everything inside and I don't know how long I will last like this. I am concerned that I could pick up a drink or something worse as these things caused me to drink for 25 years. I am 8 years sober and I am scared of I will do something silly. I just feel like packing my things and going.
Trouble is I have nowhere to go and my chronic pain is getting worse all the time. I couldn't pack my things on my own anyway.
I don't know what to do when my life is suppressed and my sickness is getting worse. They effect each other and the pain is getting unbearable. I am going down hill fast and upset inside all the time. I can't pretend anymore but don't know where to go. I can't afford much as all my money goes on health insurance, rego on the car, and savings for the operation. She also thinks I am going to come home from the hospital and be back to work after a few weeks. It is impossible even if I could walk by then I will be that depressed from her judgement it will effect my healing. I will only get worse with her pushing me.
What am I going to do? I just don't know any more I feel like giving up and just going back to the caravan park that I came from after my wife left me. I don't know.