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Old 03-27-2010, 08:09 AM   #1
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I can't take my sisters expectations anymore.

I am feeling more than a bit distressed tonight, Where I live with my sister and her partner is really nice and I know they care about me. But I am feeling more and more alienated and less like part of the family. I had a bit of an argument with my sister and she told me she is sick of my back issues and didn't want to here me complain anymore she also thinks I am being negitive about life as I am going to have an operation on my back at the end of the year so I should be happy and positive that everything is going to be just fine and I will be able to go back to work.
So I have not said a word about my pain since. I am really upset that she is so shallow and can't deal with my presents here if I am moody. I just feel like I can't be myself any more she criticises me if I say anything about my past. It feels like she is trying to create a bubble around her that I don't fit into anymore.
She was good in the past but since we moved into the new house everything has changed. She is throwing orders around at her partner and I don't know how he copes. He is a bit of a softy and does everything she asks without a comeback. So it seems I am on my own.
I am feeling so belittled especially now her son and his wife are visiting from England tomorrow she is in a word of her own, everything must be perfect but I am not. I don't fit into her neatly arranged box. I feel so hurt that I have to hold everything inside and I don't know how long I will last like this. I am concerned that I could pick up a drink or something worse as these things caused me to drink for 25 years. I am 8 years sober and I am scared of I will do something silly. I just feel like packing my things and going.
Trouble is I have nowhere to go and my chronic pain is getting worse all the time. I couldn't pack my things on my own anyway.
I don't know what to do when my life is suppressed and my sickness is getting worse. They effect each other and the pain is getting unbearable. I am going down hill fast and upset inside all the time. I can't pretend anymore but don't know where to go. I can't afford much as all my money goes on health insurance, rego on the car, and savings for the operation. She also thinks I am going to come home from the hospital and be back to work after a few weeks. It is impossible even if I could walk by then I will be that depressed from her judgement it will effect my healing. I will only get worse with her pushing me.
What am I going to do? I just don't know any more I feel like giving up and just going back to the caravan park that I came from after my wife left me. I don't know.
Allan
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25-Nov-2010: ALIF fusion L5-S1. 9 years of Chronic lower back pain. Nearly 18 months of pain across my upper pelvis, through my butt and down my left leg into my foot. Sciatica relieved by surgery.

 
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Old 03-27-2010, 01:11 PM   #2
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Re: I can't take my sisters expectations anymore.

Allan...I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down these days. I wish i knew what to tell you that would help but i'm afraid i dont know. All i can do is offer you a listening ear, or should i say "eye" since i'm reading lol Just trying to make you smile a bit but i know how hard it can be to smile or laugh when you feel like you're all alone in this world with nobody but your pain & unrelenting health issues. From where i'm sitting, it seems as though your sister is being very uncaring & unsupportive of you & your needs right now. Not a very "sisterly" thing to do or "sisterly" way to be acting. It really does suck & it really hurts us when the ones we love, & the ones who claim to love us seem less than interested or sympathic to our needs. I have experienced this cruel treatment by certain family members before so believe me i know what it feels like. It hurts so much & they dont even seem to care, too much wrapped up in there own little world. Its really selfish & unloving to say the least. Would it help at all if you were to tell her that you need to have a heart to heart talk with her & just really express to her how she is making you feel? How can she not be supportive & loving to you during your times of troubles/fears of your impending surgery? I honestly think shes being very cold hearted in treating you this way. I feel so sad for you. I wish i could just wrap my arms around you & give you a very big hug just to comfort you. But the best that i can offer is my "cyber" ((((HUGS))))..What would it kill her just to show you some love & support, how cold hearted!
I understand your pain & your sadness but please dont let this take away that in which you have worked so hard for, your 8 years of sobriety. Which by the way Congrats! please just dont do anything silly. Dont give up your sobriety. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers & pray that God will touch your sisters heart & let her realize how much she is hurting you. Until then, stay sober! Pray! Post! and i will try to be here for you if you need to talk or vent. I already know your journey, i've read your posts. So please just hang in there, ok buddy? Take care & know in your heart that things sometimes take a little time but it will get better! Keep your chin up! Never give up!
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Old 03-27-2010, 06:44 PM   #3
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Re: I can't take my sisters expectations anymore.

Alan, could you go and stay with your parents even for a week or two - give you both a break from each other?
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Old 03-29-2010, 11:37 PM   #4
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Re: I can't take my sisters expectations anymore.

Thanks Angelique and Jonnstar I do appreciate the support at the moment. I am trying to be as independent as I can because I know the next couple weeks are going to be all about her visitors and having everything just perfect. I do like living in a nice home as I could never afford to live in a place like this. But if I had the choice I would be happy in a little unit. But the prices in South East Queensland have been soaring. Just a small unit is over $250 a week and that would be very basic. As I decided to pay for private health cover I couldn't afford even that.
Thanks for your hugs and prays as I feel a bit hollow at times and just need a hug or just to talk to someone outside of my family. I have not spoken to my ex-wife for years so I know she doesn't want to hear about it anyway.
So I am on my own there and while my health is like it is I don't think I will be meeting anyone any time soon. So I am doing this on my own if my family can't help me. That is one reason I have been depending on my sister but I can see now that it is too much for her so I will back off and spend some time away from them. It makes it easier when I have friends here. Thanks.
Allan
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25-Nov-2010: ALIF fusion L5-S1. 9 years of Chronic lower back pain. Nearly 18 months of pain across my upper pelvis, through my butt and down my left leg into my foot. Sciatica relieved by surgery.

 
Old 03-30-2010, 07:38 AM   #5
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Re: I can't take my sisters expectations anymore.

Dear AllanBruce,
My heart is breaking for you. I too know how difficult family can be. We are raised to believe that family is everything. My husband and I moved 300 miles away from my family. We've held to the story that we wanted to raise our kids in a small town, but it had more to do with getting away from alcoholism and other issues.
If I were in your shoes I'd do the following: I'd get back to my pain specialist and explain once again how debilitating your pain is. (If they can put a man on the moon, you can manage my pain). I would also make an appointment with a psychologist. I've had good success with therapy. I've found that having someone from the outside look at my issues helps in that it gives me a different perspective.
I live by what I call my Peggyisms. One of them when I think of lack of family support is, "Don't take it personally as it isn't personal".
Hang in there, you're not alone.
Please keep us posted on how you're doing and let us know how we can help.
Peggy

 
Old 03-30-2010, 06:26 PM   #6
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Re: I can't take my sisters expectations anymore.

Thanks for your advice Pegala, I am going to see my GP today but I think I will need to see my specialist as my GP won't make changes to my pain meds. So I will make an appointment with him soon as I am having trouble walking strait and at all. I seem to be able to walk better if I take faster short steps or slow while lifting my knees up higher than normal. I also am having more pain to do with my butt and thigh problems. It is probably a lot to do with the nerves going down my backside into my legs. They must be getting more compressed. I just can't do very much at all. I can't do much exercise with my legs so I don't know what exercise I can do. Maybe weights I am not sure though. I think I will have to just take it easy unto November when my insurance will cover hospital etc. The only other thing is maybe Physiotherapy I might be able to see one and get help that way.
Thanks guys. Allan.
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25-Nov-2010: ALIF fusion L5-S1. 9 years of Chronic lower back pain. Nearly 18 months of pain across my upper pelvis, through my butt and down my left leg into my foot. Sciatica relieved by surgery.

 
Old 04-02-2010, 03:22 AM   #7
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Re: I can't take my sisters expectations anymore.

allanbruce...No problem buddy..Keep us posted. I hope things improve with your sister & your situation. Take care & God bless.
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