I have been at my Dad's who had a mild heart attack and I have had to go and sit at the hospital so have had limited sleep. My pain always gets bad when I don't have my own bed to sleep in. So I lay down and had about 3 or 4 hours sleep this morning when I got home. also my niece has had problems but I am simply not up to helping her, I just need some time on my own. Dad seems to be fine but I am wiped out. I think I could sleep a few more hours this afternoon to make up for the lack of sleep and the distress as I also had to converse with both of my sisters who both had comments to send my way as I never seem to be able to do or say the right things and I get a tongue lashing from one or the other of them. I must be so imperfect as they can always find something to have a go at me about and it hurts me every time. They can't just be nice and relax as they have to make things right. So I come home with depression and disappointment when all I wanted to do was support my parents and they seem to appreciate it anyway so that is the most important thing. I feel like packing my things and just disappearing sometimes. Oh well I think we need to care for ourselves first anyway and try not to let the others pass on there problems, so I am going to try and relax today and centre myself in my own life and care for myself. Others can keep their problems to themselves just now.
It is about 5 weeks until my surgery so I need to be prepared for that as number one. I can't give anymore now as I need all of my own strength.
25-Nov-2010: ALIF fusion L5-S1. 9 years of Chronic lower back pain. Nearly 18 months of pain across my upper pelvis, through my butt and down my left leg into my foot. Sciatica relieved by surgery.