Hi: I have suffered from chronic pain for about 12 years due to spinal damage done when I had a horse riding accident when I was 16 (I am now 50). Like anyone with chronic pain I know all the different moods of my pain and all the triggers that make it worse. In the last year the pain has become much more insistent and intense and though I take meds and do all the other stuff I am supposed to do its really exhausting me and depressing me.
On top of all this I have my 85 year old mother living with me and she has Alzheimer's. Though she does very well considering and is mostly independent, it is still a non stop effort on my part to make sure everything is handled for her. I have some support from the system so far.
My husband had a tumor removed from his eye in December - so I have been tending him and dealing with his recovery too. And I am worn out.
I suffer also from adrenal burnout (big surprise) and have a good doctor who is treating me for this. But I am walking around feeling just tired of my life.
My teenage daughters help when I ask and are so loving and good - but I can't burden them with everything. I just feel so tired of this. I want to run away and be alone. Help.
You need to take care of you first sometimes. Is there someone that can come in for a few hours and watch your mother so that you can have some quality alone time?
I work for a hospice and we have volunteers that go sit with patients for a couple hours when the caregivers need a break. I'm sure your mother isn't in need of hospice, but maybe there is a group of some kind in your area, an alzheimers support group or something, that can help you a little when you need some time to regroup.
I know it's hard to take care of others when you need someone to take care of you for a while.
Safran, you have your hands full with 2 people to take care of right now. Who can blame you for just wanting someone to take care of YOU for a little while? It's hard to be a caregiver when you need help yourself; I know because I was my husbands caregiver for a year before he died and it was difficult so much of the time. I learned to take a little time for myself when he was napping instead of doing some cleaning or whatever. It took a while, but I came to realize that if I didn't take care of ME, I wouldn't be able to take care of him.
So, try to find a little time for yourself whenever you can. Just let everything else go while you sit and read or take a long bath, or whatever it is that relaxes you. Be good to yourself because you deserve it!
Thank you again to everyone for your comments - sometimes it just helps to know I am not alone, even when I feel isolated at home. The sun is shining today (after weeks of very cold and snowy days) and my mood is better. Its true that its easy to fall into a routine of taking what time there is for myself and doing housework - since the house is not being kept up too well anymore - but a bath or a good book is probably better for me right now.
You desperatly need a break - can you put your mother into respite care (in a nursing home for a short period of rest for you), leabe your husband and kids to look after them selves for a week, and get away.... to a brother or sisters, or on a cheap package get away somwhere.
If the roles were reversed and your husband was so desperatly ill and worn out, you wouldnt hesitate to try and get him away for a break, you need to do the same favour for your self - your family will understand.
The desire to take medicines is what seperates man from the lower animals - William Ostler
What is a memory care home? Do you mean an Alzheimer's (locked) facility? I do have the option to put her in respite care for a break, but so far it hasn't been the right time... or maybe I just haven't got the resolve to do it. I put her in respite care 2 years ago so my husband and girls and I could go on holiday and she hated it. Next week her companion starts coming to the house one afternoon a week. But here's the thing - even if she goes into respite I still have to take her to all her doctor's appointments, etc.
Maybe I'm just making excuses. Some days I feel guilty thinking about putting her in care because those days she seems fine - then we have days where she seems really out of it and I think she should move. But still I have the guilt that I am not doing enough or trying enough. She always tells me how much she appreciates living with us and how wonderful her home is - how she loves her window and the view and how happy she is here. How can I move her when she is still managing to dress herself and bathe herself? I feel its just my problem at this point, not hers. I think my husband doesn't understand why I find all of this so hard and so exhausting - he thinks I hate my mother when I talk about moving her to a facility, but she's not his mother and he doesn't carry all the responsibility or emotional load that I do... as you know, I have to know everything about her to make sure she is okay everyday - all her medical issues, all her meds, all her temperaments, all her needs. all of her finances, and on and on.
Today I had to take her for her replacement glasses (she lost her new glasses a few weeks ago) and I had to take her for new shoes and go grocery shopping for her. Tomorrow I take my husband to the doctor for a checkup, and so on and so on...
I've seen facilities lanes as Memory Care communities where they take are of all levels of Alzheimer's patients. Depends on how lucid she is and what you can handle. My husband and I have an agreement that if either of us gets Alzheimer's we want to be placed in a home especially if we show any signs of wandering or dangerous behavior such as leaving the stove on. My 85 yr old dad wants the same for himself. He saw my mom's great aunt unable to recognize any of us and it no longer mattered if she was in her own home as she didn't know where she was. We visited her once in her home but she ad no idea who we were. So we never visit again.