It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Chronic Pain Message Board
Post New Thread   Reply Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-26-2013, 08:02 AM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 6
Heidskins HB User
Pain, you win! New to board.

Yesterday as I mustered up the will to go to work. I sat on the floor and prayed for relief. Relief from a god I have always trusted and has come through to take care of me. I feel he is there in some ways, and I'm clinging on to that. I drove to work, watery eyes and as I was wondering how people did it, why cant I? Feel like mentally I've already collapsed years ago. My every waking moment is consumed by this thing, this failure to thrive, the failure to be able to overcome what already has passed me by.. the pain. I wanted to drive right past work to......what really? the trestle, the boonies, a secluded place only I know, back into bed was what I really wanted.
I made it to work....However, I didn't want to be here, at all!!! Every comment someone made I wanted to snap, every extra task I want to cry.
I have no insurance, I work my butt off. I have a very strong work ethic (to the point I sacrifice myself and well being to get the job done). I have a strong marriage and family. I don't want to disappoint anyone, and will go out of my way to please or make them happy. BUT... And I have been going through this for so long, I've pushed it down. Put on a happy face and DIDNT/DONT want it to effect my relationship with family or friendships. Most people do not understand, going to sleep and waking up with pain really wears on one after awhile. I don't really feel like the same person anymore. I realized I was a burden and just complaining all the time so I stopped.
Recently I got a new job that had promise for better things, it turned out to be a horrible move. So much demand on my body caused flareups. If this is my life.....I don't want it anymore. I wanted security, kids, my own house and I've tried! SO HARD.... As much as pain allowed. I'm 29 years old and can't get up without soaking in the tub for an hour and pain killers. I can't sleep because my body aches. There seems no way out.....
I've been to so many doctors, tried diets, massage,acupuncture,different meds ( I can't take antidepressants even if they are proven to block nerve pain). It's so expensive. Not to mention frustrating!

 
Reply With Quote
The following user gives a hug of support to Heidskins:
shahila (02-01-2013)
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 02-01-2013, 06:04 AM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 217
shahila HB Usershahila HB Usershahila HB Usershahila HB Usershahila HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidskins View Post
Yesterday as I mustered up the will to go to work. I sat on the floor and prayed for relief. Relief from a god I have always trusted and has come through to take care of me. I feel he is there in some ways, and I'm clinging on to that. I drove to work, watery eyes and as I was wondering how people did it, why cant I? Feel like mentally I've already collapsed years ago. My every waking moment is consumed by this thing, this failure to thrive, the failure to be able to overcome what already has passed me by.. the pain. I wanted to drive right past work to......what really? the trestle, the boonies, a secluded place only I know, back into bed was what I really wanted.
I made it to work....However, I didn't want to be here, at all!!! Every comment someone made I wanted to snap, every extra task I want to cry.
I have no insurance, I work my butt off. I have a very strong work ethic (to the point I sacrifice myself and well being to get the job done). I have a strong marriage and family. I don't want to disappoint anyone, and will go out of my way to please or make them happy. BUT... And I have been going through this for so long, I've pushed it down. Put on a happy face and DIDNT/DONT want it to effect my relationship with family or friendships. Most people do not understand, going to sleep and waking up with pain really wears on one after awhile. I don't really feel like the same person anymore. I realized I was a burden and just complaining all the time so I stopped.
Recently I got a new job that had promise for better things, it turned out to be a horrible move. So much demand on my body caused flareups. If this is my life.....I don't want it anymore. I wanted security, kids, my own house and I've tried! SO HARD.... As much as pain allowed. I'm 29 years old and can't get up without soaking in the tub for an hour and pain killers. I can't sleep because my body aches. There seems no way out.....
I've been to so many doctors, tried diets, massage,acupuncture,different meds ( I can't take antidepressants even if they are proven to block nerve pain). It's so expensive. Not to mention frustrating!
we are the same age. we have similar values, about work and faith and happy faces. and your feeling about sitting on the floor and praying for relief and ..... was very much similar to me ... i m not married like you, and i dont have that responsibility. it must be very difficult for you ... i put myself in your situation ...besides, i live by myself very far from my family for more than half of my life and i dont think they remember me now.

i feel for you. i ll think of you .. i ll remember you when i have pain too.

unlike you, i cant cry for months and it hurts. now that i read your letter i felt like crying for both of us, .. but damn ! i cant.

:x:X

 
Reply With Quote
The following user gives a hug of support to shahila:
Heidskins (02-01-2013)
The Following User Says Thank You to shahila For This Useful Post:
Heidskins (02-01-2013)
Old 02-01-2013, 06:10 AM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Paddy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: London Canada
Posts: 398
Paddy55 HB UserPaddy55 HB UserPaddy55 HB UserPaddy55 HB UserPaddy55 HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

Heidskins - I just sat down at the computer, feeling miserable with shreaking pain in my head and back, when I read your post. It is soooo hard to be all we want to be with all this pain, lack of sleep, needing to do paid work, organize a family, and look after our inner selves - all at the same time, isn't it?
Because the chronic pain is (usually) invisible, it is sometimes easier to try to hide it, but some day, we have to share it with somebody.
You are not alone, Heidskins, now that you've joined this board. People here can help you just by sharing thoughts and ideas, as well as success stories about treatments etc. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
So, again, welcome, and be good to yourself,
__________________
Wishing you peace and comfort,
Paddy

 
Reply With Quote
The following user gives a hug of support to Paddy55:
shahila (02-01-2013)
The Following User Says Thank You to Paddy55 For This Useful Post:
Heidskins (02-01-2013)
Old 02-01-2013, 06:11 AM   #4
Veteran
(female)
 
Paddy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: London Canada
Posts: 398
Paddy55 HB UserPaddy55 HB UserPaddy55 HB UserPaddy55 HB UserPaddy55 HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

Heidskins - I just sat down at the computer, feeling miserable with shreaking pain in my head and back, when I read your post. It is soooo hard to be all we want to be with all this pain, lack of sleep, needing to do paid work, organize a family, and look after our inner selves - all at the same time, isn't it?
Because the chronic pain is (usually) invisible, it is sometimes easier to try to hide it, but some day, we have to share it with somebody.
You are not alone, Heidskins, now that you've joined this board. People here can help you just by sharing thoughts and ideas, as well as success stories about treatments etc. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
So, again, welcome, and be good to yourself,
__________________
Wishing you peace and comfort,
Paddy

Last edited by Paddy55; 02-17-2013 at 11:29 AM. Reason: sorry about the duplicate

 
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Paddy55 For This Useful Post:
Heidskins (02-01-2013)
Old 02-01-2013, 07:02 AM   #5
Facilitator
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,579
gmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

Dear heidikins, I remember that drive to work in tears too & i started with surgeries at age 26 & now Im 56. Thirty years of pain meds, baths like you described & sucking up the pain oftentimes overdoing because of someone elses expectation of me almost like my worth depended on my performance. But now my children are grown & they remember me always having pain of course but it is not what they predominately remember. They remember that i was a great mom, so they say, & they are appreciative of all the opportunities that they were given, say that they had a blast growing up, & i wanted to encourage you that my best was good enough, more than good enough & yours will be too! All my children graduated from college, have successful careers & they are loving, mannerly, smart & they give me credit for that. Like you said it certainly was not all my doing because I believe that God is faithful also & when it comes to raising children I just loved them & was there for them @ every practice, game, event that i could make it to & when i couldnt they understood, their whole lives they had a " broken" mom & somehow i think it made them better, more compassionate, responsible, empathetic, problem solvers,etc. They saw my struggle with the "burden" of chronic pain but in their eyes i somehow measured up to being a great mom & you will too. I have to take one day at a time, do my best, not overdo because it justs puts me down for a longer time, go to the dr, take meds etc & sometimes i feel like its too much but for them i continue to try to win the battle, they are worth it & thats what keeps me going & this board helps me so much i will never forget the first time i heard
"Me, too" from someone that understands instead of Im sorry from
people that dont & it was life changing for me. So, please know
that we are here for you, in the same situation, & "get" it. I cant take anti depressants either because they make me depressed but i can take lyrica it helps my nerve pain, have you tried gabapentin because its generic? Also, is there any possibility that you could get a job that is less physically demanding? I hope so & i will pray for you & hope that you are having an easier time today!

Last edited by gmak; 02-01-2013 at 07:12 AM. Reason: typol wording

 
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: gmak
Paddy55 (02-01-2013), shahila (02-01-2013)
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to gmak For This Useful Post:
Heidskins (02-01-2013), Paddy55 (02-01-2013)
Old 02-01-2013, 08:06 AM   #6
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 6
Heidskins HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

Thank you all for taking the time to write. I was wondering if I was posting right or if anyone really would bother. It was good to hear I'm not alone.
It's been a trying week... Bad pain, followed with putting my sweet grandma on hospice care. Also Tuesday I had a panic attack and my stomach didnt feel well at work.....turns out it was that time of the month. I don't know if its because of my stress but the pain was so intense that I had to lock myself in the bathroom until the meds somewhat took effect.
Anyway, I really appreciate your posts. Thank you.

 
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: Heidskins
gmak (02-01-2013), shahila (02-04-2013)
Old 02-16-2013, 07:40 PM   #7
Senior Member
(male)
 
cspineguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 200
Blog Entries: 4
cspineguy HB Usercspineguy HB Usercspineguy HB Usercspineguy HB Usercspineguy HB Usercspineguy HB Usercspineguy HB Usercspineguy HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

Heidskins, I am so sorry for your pain and your heartfelt post has brought tears to my eyes. I too have many morning drives to work in tears and pain and just want to go back home. Every morning I need to sit in my recliner with a heating pad for an hour before I can even start to get ready for my day, and some days I just can't do it. I work as much and as hard as I can, all the while suffering in pain. I wish I had some great words of advice on how to deal with it all, but I am still searching myself. I do wish you the best and want you to know you are not alone, even thou the pain makes us feel so alone. Hope you have some better times ahead and have some relief.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-16-2013, 08:59 PM   #8
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 6
Heidskins HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

I too hope you find some relief. Your so right when you say pain makes us feel alone. It really makes us appreciate the good days. Good luck and stay strong.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cspineguy View Post
Heidskins, I am so sorry for your pain and your heartfelt post has brought tears to my eyes. I too have many morning drives to work in tears and pain and just want to go back home. Every morning I need to sit in my recliner with a heating pad for an hour before I can even start to get ready for my day, and some days I just can't do it. I work as much and as hard as I can, all the while suffering in pain. I wish I had some great words of advice on how to deal with it all, but I am still searching myself. I do wish you the best and want you to know you are not alone, even thou the pain makes us feel so alone. Hope you have some better times ahead and have some relief.

 
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Heidskins For This Useful Post:
cspineguy (02-16-2013)
Old 02-17-2013, 09:00 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 1,412
nochange HB Usernochange HB Usernochange HB Usernochange HB Usernochange HB Usernochange HB Usernochange HB Usernochange HB Usernochange HB Usernochange HB Usernochange HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

Hello Heidskins, what meds are you taking for your pain and what hurts you, is it the neck or the back etc.

So sorry to hear you suffer everyday, I know how you feel. It never goes away.

Dont' you think chronic pain is rediculous. Luckily when I was your age I was pain free...and only now I appreciate those days....It all started when I was 35, caused by a car accident(is that what happened to you)and then you realize you have chronic pain and there is no cure. It's rediculous that they don't have a cure for this rediculous thing.

As for sleep, yes, many people with chronic pain find it hard to sleep. Some can sleep actually but some can't. You probably need to take sleeping pills.
I do agree you should try Lyrica. I tried Gabapentin...it's cheap but it does almost nothing.

You should get an insurance. So I believe as Gmakr said(hello gmak)you should try Lyrica. It depends what is it that you have. I don't know where it hurts etc...Meanwhile if you dont' have lot's of money you should contact Lyrica and ask for discount.

and don't forget those sleeping pills, if you can't sleep you won't be able to drive also.

With the hope one day they will find a cure for this rediculous thing called chronic pain.

Last edited by Administrator; 02-17-2013 at 09:06 AM.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2013, 09:27 AM   #10
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 6
Heidskins HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

My pain started with a car accident about 5 years ago. I had physical therapy, injections and ciropractic work at the time. My pain just seemed to get worse. My upper back has problems ( I have a rib that goes out). It effects my neck and shoulder also. I have hip problems also like hip displaysia. My doc said fibromyalgia but I don't want to believe it.
As for insurance.... I would love to have it. But to join my husbands it's around $400-600 a month. Just can't afford that, so I need to find a full time job (that I can do) that offers benefits. Which is harder then you think.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2013, 11:07 AM   #11
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 145
karlee10 HB Userkarlee10 HB Userkarlee10 HB Userkarlee10 HB Userkarlee10 HB Userkarlee10 HB Userkarlee10 HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

Hello Heidskins and Paddy. I just read this post and all the replies. I really needed this right now. Noone really knows exactly what it feels like to be in extreme amounts of pain day after day, unless they've actually been there themselves. Other people may SAY that they understand, that they've been there for a few months, but "didn't take a narcotic for it." I really don't think anyone given the choice would choose this. Ever. And it's impossible how to explain exactly what this is like. It's kind of similar to my baby dying from SIDS in a way. Everyone I talk to "knows just what it's like." The reason for that is because they've "always been so worried that it was going to happen to their own baby." It's not the same! I've many times wanted to yell, "Your baby is still alive!" But, I'm really glad I haven't. I do allow other people to get to me though. And I shouldn't. Once this conversation is over and we go our seperate ways, I am there feeling so lost, sad, and empty. They walk off with a look of being totally carefree I observe. This is how I've always perceived it anyways. I want to feel that kind of peace, joy, and fulfillment too. I'm very grateful that God has given me the gift to write alot. He's given me a way to get through each day by daily relying upon Him. This pain situation gets to me because when I hear: "I know how you feel........" I mentally go straight back to right after my baby, Kory died and I kept hearing that. I can't blame these people still because I never told them how I felt. I never knew exactly how too. But, by writing all of this stuff out on this forum, and you all reading all these posts, I DO feel not so alone anymore. Listening and sharing is emptying my load little by little. I'm seeing other people do it too, just like on this very post. It feels really good to help someone else that needs to share with someone else going through a very similar thing. We are all a little different. Some may be in more pain (different kind of pain) than others, but, that's not the key factor to me. I relate to about every single post in here. This one is special 'cuz I really felt like it all has to do with people helping people. I just love these positive posts. And I'm really grateful for them now too.

 
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: karlee10
Heidskins (02-17-2013), Paddy55 (02-17-2013)
Old 02-17-2013, 11:55 AM   #12
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 6
Heidskins HB User
Re: Pain, you win! New to board.

Karlee,
Thank you for sharing your story. I really feel for you, and am glad you came across this board. I know it really helped me. I was in a very bad place when I originally posted on here. It helped tremendously to hear the "me too!" And just overall support. I didn't feel so alone.
I can't say I understand loosing a baby, but I do understand the feeling of people pretending they know what pain is like.....but cronic pain is not the same as a headache or a back ache T the end of a long day. It's hard to explain and they DONT get it, even if they think they do. Even if you have pain everyday, everyone's different.
Hugs go out to you in your loss of your baby and prayers for god to ease your pain.
Xo
Heidskins

 
Reply With Quote
Reply Reply




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:42 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!