I feel the same way about my husband, he is the most fantastic person in the world, when he's not drinking. I said this to my mom one day, and she responded: "Honey, you deserve to be with someone that is fantastic ALL of the time"
I think about that quote alot, even though I am still with my husband and love him very much.
Tex, I got the same idea in codependent no more last night. The author referred to the fact that codependents, especially those in a relationships with an alcoholic, put up with behavior that the normal population would never even consider.
It's really interesting.
halfpin, I can tell by your posts how worried you are. I hope that he comes back soon, because I understand that no matter what you choose to do in the long run, you still love this guy and worry for his safety.
Hang in there halfpin. I, too, have taken away my husband's debit card, checks, cell phone, etc. etc. to try and prevent or control his using. But to no avail. I've done some crazy things and played some dangerous games over the years. If my husband is going to use drugs, that's his choice and I cannot do anything about it. Period. It was really hard to get that through my thick head (I still think I can stop him sometimes)! Codependent No More is an awesome book and maybe setting some boundaries with your boyfriend will help . . . but that's your choice. Good luck . . . sounds like you're on the right track to recovery!
Thanks you guys...I'm actually doing better..not crying as much:
It's funny because I never asked him to give me his card. He decided to give it to me himself. He also willingly gave me his pin without me asking. I felt uncomfortable but he thought that this was the best way to control his spending...except that now he realizes he can write checks to himself (i say now realizes b/c he never had a checking account before he met me...I introduced him to a lot of things throughout the course of our relationship). I was thinking recently...what if I take away his check book..but again, that's outrageous because if he wants to he'll find away. We'll see if what happens now that I have his money. Part of me doing that too was so that he would have something when he comes back.