Re: co-dependency questions
I agree with the other response, though I don't know all that much about co-dependency. I would definitely be cautious before moving in with a man who has already demonstrated so many red flags and disturbing, potentially dangerous behaviors. The main thing I wanted to say is that I think he is completely out of line (and screwed up) for thinking he has any right to regulate what your son does and what hours he keeps. It is perfectly normal for college aged kids to stay up and sleep in much later than many adults think is acceptable, but at their age, it is also quite inappropriate and condescending to try to force them to adhere to a rigid schedule. As long as your son is academically successful, can hold a job, and seems socially well-adjusted, I'm sure he's doing just fine. Allowing this man to tell him otherwise and treat him like a helpless child will only cause your son to avoid and resent both of you...I also hope you don't allow your BF's obsessive need to control other people to affect the way you treat your son.
Once a kid gets into high school, it's babying them (which will interfere with their ability to function as mature, independent adults when the time comes) to be overly controlling and micro-manage their lives through things like telling them when to get up and go to bed. To do that as he's preparing to enter college is just plain insulting and belittling. I know I would have absolutely hated my mom for trying to impose a schedule on me the summer before college, when I finally had a chance to rest and have fun after 4 years of hard work (and before 4 more years of hard work to come). I would have probably stayed with friends or my boyfriend and refused to have anything to do with her if she tried to act like such a Fascist, and if my mom's BF tried to tell me when to go to bed and get up, I would have demanded that my mom leave him or risk her relationship with me. That kind of need to control other adults is deeply disturbing and abnormal...I think you should run away as far and as fast as you can from this guy, for the sake of both you and your son. He sounds like he has serious issues which could quickly escalate into abuse...he can't be helped just by your love; he will need professional help if he is ever going to function normally around other people and especially within romantic relationships.